Topic : Childhood Sexual Abuse Support

Where people who have these fantasies can go and get help before they assault, maybe prevent many crimes from being committed.  Once the act is committed it can never be undone.

The problem with that is that they have to admit that it is wrong first.  Most of them don't see it as wrong at all.  They often see it as "helping" the child to grow up or think the woman wants to be treated that way and is "asking for it" by her actions, dress or something that only they see.  Often the abuser is convinced that the victim is enjoying the experience as much as they are.

Monday I had a melt down. cryed for hours ,relived it again. Ate myself into a stupor and felt like dieing. I was doing so well. Will I always have meltdowns?  I hope not. I think an arguement with my husband where I surpressed my feelings triggered it. I'm thinking of talking to my Mom (I'm scared) about why I was a mean child. Also I think that my grandpa (her Dad ) did something wrong too. He would  tell me to take off my shirt, massage my back , tell me to roll over massage my front. I would squirm and he would get mad. I devolped early wore a bra in 4th grade. The year I turned 14 ,I refused to be touched by any of my family  and he got mad. Doesn't this sound wrong. I don't have a daughter but if I did I wouldn't want any Granpa touching her breasts. Am I wrong? I doubt I can tell my Mom this. The whole family thought he was perfect   MB

Deat Sweet MB,

Just know that I can feel your pain, and know that you are not wrong for the way you are feeling. I would suggest that you find a therapist to work with, someone that can help you get over your troubled past. It sounds like you're suffering severely.  I am not a therapist, or liscensed medical doctor but going through something similiar as you have, I can truly tell you that you need some help. I am an incest survivor,  I was molested by my step-father for many years.

And until recent, I didn't realize just how much of that extra buggage I was carrying around, and how it has affected every facet of my adult life. Please honey, go seek out help. I will think about you, and I pray that you find healing, and peace in your life.

 

Be Blessed

Lashawnna Burney

I have a question, I am 44 yrs old, and am trying to determne if what I experienced as a 10 and 14 yr old was abuse.  My cousin (5 years older than me) touched me when I was 10 and then again when I was 14.  As you can see, I've never forgotten this and it has affected my relationships.  I'm afraid to let this go in that by doing so I have let my cousin off the hook (he does not even know that this bothers me today).

Oh MB!!!  I am so sorry for your pain.  You ARE doing well.  I can't tell you that the meltdowns will stop - I still have them, too.  They do hurt bigtime.  But you get through it with God's help.

 

What your Grandpa did was definitely WRONG.  Especially after you started to develop.  Before could of been shrugged off as misguided affection by anyone seeing it.  Once your breasts started to develop, it was strictly for his pleasure and pure WRONG.  You may not be able to tell your Mom about her father.  That is okay.  But you do need to tell it so you validate it for yourself.  Telling us is a good start.

 

I was an early bloomer, too.  Left the 3rd grade flat and went into the 4th in a B cup that was well-filled!!!!  Being busty so young just seemed to make matters worse at times.  How was it for you?  I got teased a lot and accused of stuffing.  Some of my male classmates thought it would be funny to nickname me Cannonball.  Unfortunately it stuck right up until I left school.  At least they didn't try to touch me.

If it made and/or makes you feel bad and is affecting your life, it is definitely abuse.  He was old enough both times to know better.  Here in Canada, you are legally an adult at 19 - the age he was when the incident happened when you were 14.  You were a child.  He had no right and no reason to be touching you.

 

Some counselling will help you get yourself on track to healing.  Make sure that the therapist is one you feel comfortable with.  Before you confront the cousin, talk to the therapist.

Thank you for your suggestion.  I have always felt that my problem was not serious enough to go to therapy.  Like thinking there are others worse than me and that I should just be able to shake this off or that I am making it out to be more than it was.  But if someone laid a finger on my daughter....no, I'm not making a murderous threat, I just know that it wouldn't be right for someone to do that to a child.  I still feel like I wouldn't be doing this for me, but that it would be freeing everyone else around me from dealing with me.  Like somehow I am punishing those around me that try to love me but that I push away.

Thanks so much for caring. When I was out walking yesterday I thought I have forgiven my abusers. But maybe I somehow feel that my Mom failed me and I should forgive her.  She had so many kids and didn't  watch us closely. We could be gone from home for hours at very early ages and it wasn't questioned. Then I felt all those feelings of I'm dirty and bad and shameful that I didn't tell because I was a bad girl. So I need to forgive myself I guess. In our family we didn't learn about what was wrong or right sexually. I learned it the hard way. I wish my Mom would have told me early on about saying no. Even to family members (3 of my abusers) I remember the girls were the worst about teasing me in the 4th grade. They thought I stuffed my bra. So once in the bathroom I took it off under my shirt (leaving the shirt on) They stopped saying I stuffed it but didn't like me for having them. I always tried to hide them being so young. I would dress like a boy ...hide my hair under a hat etc..I could beat up any boy until the 6th grade so they didn't tease me. It was the men I was afraid of attracting attention from. Men still scare me. MB

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!!! I don't know what to do right now!!! I'm about to fall into a huge emotional breakdown......Flashbacks have started really strong again, and.........I started cutting......again.....I was doing so well, and just when I thought I had it beat.....bam! *cries*