Quote From: christytorresI was told about show that happen last wednesday, involving a grand father who molested his grand son, I have to share my story . It all began when my Mother got mad at my father for something..and my mother started to tell me and my sister about thre past. Then my sister spilled the beans. What turn out to be a small fight between my parents turned out to a nightmare for me. I am not sure on the age I was when it all started, my father started touching me..I beleive I was in elementry..then it went onfor a few years. until one night my sister saw him touching me.and told my mom..I was never taken to speak to anyone our family secrect..well I keep this all to my self for many years. I am now 45 years old and living this bad nightmare again. My mother asked me and my sister to tell her what he did to us. But it was mostly me, I was ashamed and very confused at that age. I would be afraid to be in the room alone with him.This has haunted me for years. Now that my mother knows the trut and she is mad..raging mad..and I am afraid that she will hurt my father. I have not yet seeked any help, but I do have plans to do so. my mother said it would be at my fathers expense. What I am mostly confused is that my mother wants me to HATE him.How am I suppose to feel, and how will my family and brothers feel about my dad. This is the hardest thing I have had to deal with. I know the healing has to start..and I need to get help. Thank you
I understand what you mean when you say you are not sure how you feel.
I was sexually molested by my father between the ages of 4( maybe) and I think it stopped around the age of 7. I don't really know how many times it happened but it was definately on more than one occaision. It is kind of strange that I've always known it - and what makes it even more strange is that my relationship with my father has always been ok and even with my mother (who knew about it) was also ok. It was just one of those things that for me was part of growing up, part of my childhood experiences along with learning to ride a bike.
It was only when I reached 16 and started having sex with my first long term boyfriend did I realise how wrong it was. But still I just chose to ignore it and nothing changed in my relationsip with my family. Throughout my twenties when I was promiscious and cheated on several boyfriends and sex was a major priority in my life - I never really considered it was an issue or had had an impact on my life.
However things have changed for me this past year - I met a man who encouraged me to confront it - to talk to my family about it. I was reluctant at first - after all I liked my childhood and my family - I just wished the abuse had never happened. By talking about it- would make it "real" and I didn't want to make it real. I have no real anger towards my father - perhaps a bit more towards my mum for not protecting me. My boyfriend says my anger is repressed and comes out in other ways.
I see from your note that you are worried about how your family will feel towards your dad - I truely understand how you feel - but you need to work on how you feel. Just because someone says you should hate someone, doesn't meant that you will. I hope you have found some counselling and it is working out for you.
At the moment I am still unsure whether or not to confront my dad - I don't know what to say - without the hate or anger that I am supposed to feel it kind of feels a bit pointless. Should I?
