Quote From: justfixit
My step daughter is accusing my boys of sexually abusing her.
How do I know if it is true?
How can I tell if she or they are lying about it?
Her mother cheated on dad for 3 years, and took her with (from what my husband says)
Her mother was headed for a second divorce and is in counceling now.
There is so much more....but to sum it up.....
She (10 yr old) has a history of abnormal sexual behavior since she was 3-4 years old.
She has initiated sexual behavior several times and has been caught.
She is totally obsessed with boys.
We never have any problems with sexual talk or behavior in our home unless she is here.
When she leaves....all of the talk stops and we don't have any issues.
Her father and I have warned her mother of each incident and it still gets worse.
Her mother educates her way too much about boys and sex and body parts and functions.
Her mother tried to get her to date a 13 year old boy when she was 9.
She lives with her mother and everytime she goes
back home...she tells lies..NEVER sexual until this time.
She is a cronic liar, but you would never know. She is sweet, kind and thoughtful and can look you
in the eye and talk to you.
She is very decietful and two faced, but you would never know unless one parent tells another, what she said.
What do I do?
Can any of you tell me your thoughts on this? Why would she lie...if this never happened?
It breaks my heart to see her furure shattered more and more each time she goes home to mom.
My story is very long, so I'll try to make it as brief as possible. I have 3 children. One daughter is much older than the younger two, so she had a very nice boyfriend over a lot. My younger ones ADORED him, as did I, and my husband. They did get engaged, and married...but 9 months after the wedding, my two younger children, who were then 10 and 12, told of acts of sexual abuse done to them by my son-in-law. I brought them to therapy...I believed them. I had him arrested, but since they had kept silent for so long, there was no real evidence, and the case was dismissed. I lost contact with my older daughter and it has been 8 years...still no contact. I have tried, but I am ignored, and we were very close.
It has only been in recent months that I have begun to have doubts. We wrote in journals,at the time, as directed by the therapist. I asked my daughter recently about one entry...she said that never happened. Another incident involving my son, which I believed...well, he told me THAT one was made up because he was mad. Another account of his, very clearly written, did not happen as it was stated in the journal...he changed it to another date, with completely different circumstances...I was home all of the time. My daughter, at 20 admits she has very clear memory of roughhousing, but is not sure about the three times he really did something sexual...by mouth...and I did believe them...fully and without question.
NOW, I have doubts. I feel that the roughhousing, combined with an over kill of abuse councilling really made them think more happened that actually did. Also, they both came out together, but to this day deny that they ever spoke of it between themselves.
My children were sweet, loving, caring young people...but I think there was a lot of additions...and it ruined our family.
I know that it is said that children do not make this up...and yes, you should believe them...but to have to report something that you never saw, never suspected...without time to fully question...it's a BAD law! Protection and belief...yes...and when there is evidence, or the abuse is able to be proved...reporting is necessary.
I COULD have ruined this man's life, and today, I have doubts.
It's like the "MONSTER IN THE CLOSET" to the child, he is real...but as adults, we know he isn't...and it's O.K. to handle that as you feel best.
In seeing nothing, and given this girl's past and present behavior, I'd have doubts...maybe she was molested by someone else...but you take her to therapy, they will report...it is the law of mandated reporting, that binds every person who is licensed to work with children.
I'd worry more about my sons, and NEVER allow them to be alone with her...NEVER!!!!!
Sad to say, neither of us may ever know the truth...
Children do not have the ability to predict the consequenses of the things they say...and I feel the more they say it, the more they believe it.
I was 100% SURE! 8 years later, I'm not so sure anymore. God help you to find the truth...I really feel for you.
