Topic : Childhood Sexual Abuse Support

I understand what you mean now.  What occurred to me is that you now believe that no one is going to come save you and that you are on your own.  When I read your third paragraph, I felt several emotions in your writing: loneliness, vulnerability, lost hope, fear yet strength and a feeling of taking control, too. Could that cause anxiety and amplify this other big, scary feeling you have?  To be alone is saving yourself is scary and I wonder if there is any connection although it's clear that this feeling you have is very strong.  Does your therapist have any thoughts on the root of it?  Do you? 

I have been on Lexapro for awhile...max. dose.  I can relate to feeling like a failure to have to take it.  On the other hand, that is my feeling.  I think I would be more of a failure (visible to others) if I did not take it.  So maybe we just have to get over the med thing and take it and give ourselves a chance to feel better. 

Why do you want to wait until the end to reveal your budget?  Why not tell her you can afford to contribute $x to the wedding and let her make the decisions on how to work within that budget.  You can tell her you love her and that you would like to support her by helping with x,y,z if she wants it.  Beyond that, maybe you should let her come to you if she wants help.  Don't give her permission to manipulate you into spending more or getting more out you than you are comfortable with.  If you are clear from the start and are firm along the way about sticking to your budget, then she will need to learn to make choices that aren't too expensive.  This is a stressful time for her and you, however, it sounds like she doesn't appreciate your help but expects it.  As a Mom, however, you need to help her but also provide limits to your help.   

I don't like to disappoint people either and I also dislike conflict.  I can relate with you there.  However, something else kicks in for me when it comes to dealing with my kids.  I feel like I have an obligation to set boundaries on behavior and expectations even if it means some conflict.  If the lack of conflict results in raising a kid who is not well equipped to be an adult, then I feel the conflict needs to take place.  I usually can't use the same logic with other people.   

I hear you and I am somewhat like you.  You know yourself that you are not to blame.  You know that it is your parents/family that are to blame and they were the ones that screwed up.  You did survive throught that hell and you are better than them in so many ways.  You did not hurt your kids.  They did.  Try not to give them the power to make you feel like that little girl over & over.  I struggle with this too so I know it's not easy.  It is much easier for me to give out advice rather than help myself, but i am slowly trying to make changes too.  Have some way to readjust reality when you're in contact with them.  I mean remind yourself that they can try to crush you, but expect that from the start and be prepared.  You know this is the way they operate and you know that they are wrong.  Is there something that you can do remind yourself that you are the good one and the strong one?  Avoidance is good too.  We all have to accept and believe that the abuse was not our fault.  The adult had the power and control and should have known better.  Stop trying to change your family and put more energy into other positive human relationships.   

I have to take my own advice too. :)