Topic : Childhood Sexual Abuse Support

I am also a survivor, your fathers reactions are not uncommon, try to keep in mind in getting him to admitt it you are asking for courage from a coward, because molestation is a cowardly act. I was able to confront my abuser in court, by the time I got there what he had to say was irrelevant, I told my story of what happened and went home, I read the verdict in the paper, there was a better place to be where I knew inside of my self and that was enough for me. I hope you reach there to,  take care of your self and find the approval in you instead of others. It takes alot of courage to stand up as you have and you can expect some resistance. As for therapy defently a must but also do your homework, I went to a therapist just shortly after I got away from my abuser, I was confined by this abuser, the abuse was violent and over a long period of time, so my therapist decided to have me go in a room that was all small kids stuff, the desk chairs all of it, the room was pink, and she locked me in. This did not turn out good. I was charged out of the experience and though it was later dropped it was very disruptive to my healing. As much as I agree Dr Phil does seem to be good it helps to have someone who has survived abuse, all the crazy feelings don't seem so crazy. Also I believe it is the responsibility of survivors to report their abuser, that may be a bit much but it is important, keep in mind silence is an enabler. You are not alone and all you have experienced is experienced by surviviors. You are closer to healing than ever before,  as for your father coming after you if this is a real issue and he is violent then it is best to report him and seek an order, my abuser threatened to hunt me down and kill me, I had a child and he threatened to kill her, staying hidden takes experience and it costly, so try to get all the help you can. good luck. 

Justine 

This is a tough one. Everyone copes in different ways. A really good book I can recomend is The Courage To Heal by Ellen Bass and Laura Davis. For me it was my bible during the "emergency stage". It has sections that map out the healing process specifically for abuse survivors and the book is just a wealth of hands on, useful information. 

Besides matching up with the right therapist, this book fits right into the therapeutic process. My therapist gave it to me along with the workbook. Each week she would give me assisgnments to do. There were so many days I would throw the book against the wall, and others where I was eager to take a step ahead. 

Flashbacks are traumatic and all too real. it is your body's way of telling you , you are ready to start facing the abuse. They didnt go away for me until I began addressing it. With time and the right therapy, you can work through them and as you heal they begin to subside. This has been my own experience tho it may not be someone elses. 

One day my therapist made me sit in a park full of children and just watch them play. Then she asked me, can these children defend themselves? Would you blame them if they were hurt by an adult? And every time I said no, I couldnt. Then one day it dawned on me that this wasnt my fault. That I was just a child and was violated in a most horrendous way. 

The more i took the courage to talk about the abuse, the more we unravelled the story, the flashbacks came on strong. but as i healed they really did subside. I'm not sure I've been of any help to you. All I can stress is that you need a good counsellor you feel safe with and you need to give your self plenty of room to breathe. and self medicating provides temporary relief but only prolongs the flashbacks. 

Remember that the person who abused you as a child can no longer hurt you anymore. 

These are just memories surfacing - calling on you to take the steps to recovery. 

From one survivor to another - this really wont last forever! 

***Safe Hugs*** 

EK 

     Hi to all... I had a pretty good break down in life about 9 years ago. Started with extreme rage, hyperventilation, uncontrolable crying etc. So I decided that I needed to get into therpy and quick! Well everything starts to surface ( that I had buried deep) I was sexually molested by my grandfather when I was 7 til I was 9 ( I think thats when it ended?) Well, I thought I had delt with it???? I guess not because I have been running from it ever since, and I am just realizing it! I thought that if I go looking everywhere else in the world, I might find what I need to make me happy! I am now 28 and completly miserable... In the past 3 weeks I have figured out that I thought that being sexual and or having sex was how you got love & that I am very selfdestructive!!!!! In every relationship that I have ever been in, I manage to find something... so I can break up with that person. I have used drinking and drugs to escape the pain, but you always feel worse the next day! I am trying very hard to not use this method anymore!  

I have just come to the point in my life that I am ready to face the past and all of the pain, but I am scared as hell!!!!!!!!! I don't know where to start or even how to start? Any advice on starting this process would be helpful.  

all the time ,, every waking hour , smells , songs, things i see , tastes, sounds..Then just when u think u`ll be safe sleeping ? Nightmares. I wait till i`m totally exhausted , then even be4 I try to sleep ,  I medicate myself . Most of the time , I don`t remember any dreams. 

A little over two years ago, when I was 17, my father touched me while I was sleeping and since then, my life has been turned upside down. My family has had no sympathy for my situation. Just one week after the incident, my mother allowed my father to come back to our house. I don't know how to cope with what has happened. The worst part is that the rest of my family thinks that I am a spoiled brat for not wanting anything to do with my father.  My family has made it very clear that they think I am over-exaggerating the whole situation. My mother tries to act like it never happened. My family is totally financially dependent upon my father's income, as well as myself, and my mother says that I owe him for everything because I never went without on Christmas and B-days.  

I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about my father now. Also, is it wrong to accept money and gifts from my father; even though it feels like he is trying to buy back my trust. Please, if anyone has been vicitmized by one of their parents, please share your experience with me and also any tools that helped you move on.   

I'm a victim of sexual abuse by my fatherwho  sexual abused me, and then my foster sister and father also sexual abused me when I was 9 nine years old. My real motherdoes not believe all this happen to me, she believed these preditors  were wonderful people.  My real mother told me years ago to let go of it and go on, how can you heal when you stuff the pain inside. I've been in counseling for years because of my sexual abuse issues. I still have night terrors over this, and should I forgive these abusive people and including my father?  I have BPD because of the sexual, severe beatings from these foster parents. I almost died from the beatings they are very sick people, thinking they may had a mental illness also. They done cruel things to me, a lot worse things that I'm not telling.   I've been raped 3 times as a teenager and several times as an a adult also. I'm a survivor from the abuse as I was growing up and it sucks that at times it still haunts me it took me a long time to work through these things. I went through 2 counsalers,  the first one I went through 2 sexual abuse classes.  She left state and the second one helped me, and now I have a case worker who is helping me through the mental health center.  I'm so tired of this crap and still working through the pain. 

lostgirl