Topic : Childhood Sexual Abuse Support

Every one of us on this board are survivors.  We are strong and not weak.  We survived many horrible experiences that children should never have to endure.  Whether you are still coming to terms with your experiences or you have already dealt with them and moved on in your growth as a human being, you need to remember this.  We are strong!  We survived.  We don't have to be victims anymore!  You should feel pride in the fact that you are still here and still trying to get better.  Most important, remember, you are not at fault!  You did nothing wrong,  You were a child, you didn't ask to be born and you certainly did not ask for the parents or brother or uncle or grandfather you got.  The only thing you did was survive the hand that was dealt to you.  Feel empowered by that fact, quit blaming yourself and put the blame where it belongs!  Remember to love yourself and be kind to yourself because sometimes in this life, no one else can or will!  Also remember that God was there with us when we were going through our experiences and he is still with us now, and he uses hard experiences to help us help others.  He didn't turn his back, he always loved us, and wept for us, and now he can and will help you through the emotional hell your going through. 

I have been to over 22 dr's and therapists and the truth is not alot of them helped me. some of them have a long way to go in dealing with sexual abuse. Therapists are people too, and they are not perfect. 

  

When you are searching for the right one, you should know pretty early on whether it is a safe connection or not. Use the initial sessions to ask them about their knowledge and framework of what they use for abuse. I had one male dr tell me to "get over it". 

  

Treat this like any other service when your hiring someone. you have the right to ask questions and if you're not satisfied with it, then continue on. my biggest mistake was wasting time with counsellors who had no real training or concern for my issues. interview them and choose several to pick from. 

  

and remember, they are not there to "cure" you. they are your healing tool, your flashlight into the darkness. the work is primarily yours to do, along side their support (which you defintely need to be)  

  

EK 

Hello Everyone ...from a new member :)

I did not recognise or deal with the effects of my childhood sexual abuse, by a friend of one of my brothers, until I was 40, 14 years ago. I went to a counsellor after I was refered by my GP when I started suffering with anxiety attacks after I  failed a cervical smear test at the age of 40. I thought since/as my body had let me down I really must be a bad person and how could I expect to enjoy life or be respected as a person. I used to say "it doesn't matter what anyone does to me as long as I have my health I will survive", and when I got sick  all my feelings and thoughts surfaced and affected my way of life.
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I was directed to a counsellor who followed the "Gestalt" therapy principles and for me, this was my salvation. I finally recognised the effects  my childhood experiences  had on me through my life up till this stage. I realised the self denigration and unresponsible behavior patterns throughout my life had a basis, and that I too could receive help and support and hopefully overcome this self destructive behavior. I was invited by my counsellor to participate in group therapy and although it took time to become accustomed to this method of treatment, the eventual results were wonderful for me.

I realise we all have different methods to deal with our problems but finding someone who believes in you and what you experienced and the subsequent effects is a must.
I think the most important thing however which governs what we do and how we handle our life experiences  is that primarily we must have faith, love and trust in who we are and that we are just as worthy as the person standing next to us.

I am not saying it has or is easy and alot of the time since I have supported myself. I believe sexual abuse is in some ways is still in the closet for some people and it is sad that some will never acknowledge the effects or even the events that have occured in their lives or sadly  realise where,why or how they have been affected...

I hope anyone who reads this will gain some support and realise they are not alone in their struggle to overcome their adversary whether it be physical, spiritual  emotional or psychological.

LucyJ  :)
xoxoxox

I was sexually assaulted by my brother for years.  From what I ca remember I was 5 or 6 my brother was three years older.  He would put pillows over my face to suffocate me and I would pretty much pass out..rulers, cucumbers, rolled up newsppapers, fingers and other instruments were used on me.  My brother once I got older would expose himself to my friends and the people living in my flats... He would postiion the window in his bedroom and reflect a mirrow so that all the people in my flats late at night could see him exposing himself.  I once confronted my mother and told her what he had done and she said she and my dad had done they best they could have. ....I have been in contact with a friend from back home who had said  my brother had molested them and I said welcome to my world..I know that my brother is living with 8 kids and his wife...I am sorry if anything is happening with them...I can only do something when me mum dies.. I dont want to put her through anything..But when she does die...God help my brother and I will be making a complaint..to the police..No child should have to go through even a bit of what I did..  But he will get his day.>..

Tamara, I'm glad for you that you have found it inside you to forgive the perpetrator. I don't think it is in human nature to forgive those who wrong us in general, let alone forgiving the evil acts people make against us. You surely must have a big heart to do so. 

  

But for the sake of the other survivors on this board, they need to hear that forgiveness is a choice you made. Forgiveness is not mandatory, I believe it is optional. According to the gravity of each situation and personal stuggles of each victim. 

  

I have healed and moved on from the sexual abuse that occured in my life. Yes, it will always be a part of me, but it doesnt shape who I am. I have dug down deep about this forgiveness issue concerning the abusers that molested me. And the truth is I feel nothing. I dont spend my time hating them in fact I dont think of them at all. The seed of forgiveness for these people just does not reside in me. It had very little to do with my recovery. And in fact sometimes I think forgiveness can be dangerous to a sexual predator. it can send the wrong message to a person who hasnt begun to face the terror they have caused. 

  

Forgiveness has more to do with you then the other person. It means you've let go of the negative feelings. But people who sexually abuse children rarely stop with one victim. 

  

I think first and foremost, this isnt about forgiveness but more about resolution and moving on. Releasing the wounds of the past, renewing one's spirit so you can embrace the future being whole. Forgiveness is optional but I think for victims out there they need to know it isnt a requirement for moving on.  

  

Hey everyone...i am new to this so bare with me. 

  

I myself was molested as a young child from the age of 7-11 by my uncle. He use to come to my school and get me out of school early just so he can have sex with me. He use to get me off the bus at my grandma's(even though i was to go home) so he can have sex with me.  When i would stay at my granny's house he use to come into the room and just climb on top of me and do what he do. He use to babysit me and my brother while my parents went out...and of course when my brother goes to sleep he use to come into my room. All i did was cry after it happened. I never told my parents until i was 12yrs old. Because i thought i they find out about this i would be in deep trouble. At that time i didn't that what he was doing to me was wrong. He finally moved away from here when i was 12. I had so much anger built up inside me one night my mom sat me down and ask whats wrong with u? Why are u so angry all the time? That's when i finally told my mom what had happen to me. She couldn't believe it. Because she trusted him with me. She never thought that he would do such a thing. But he did. He finally came back to town when i was 15yrs old. We were at my granny's house and he pull me off to the side and he said that "we are gonna finish were we lefted off". I started crying and i went and told my mom. He wasn't allowed over to the house anymore. I hate him. He took something from me that i can't get back.  I hate him so much that i could him. How can u forgive a person that does that to kids? People like him are sick and they need to be locked up for life. What he did wasn't right. My mom blames herself for what happen to me. He mess me up so bad, that when i was little that i would get nervous to be around men even though they never touched me...but by me getting molested that had that affect on me. I'm 26yrs old now. And I'm glad to say that my uncle is in jail..not for what he did to me but raping someone.  At least i know now that he can't hurt me or anyone else. But i can't forgive him yet. 

I was abused from 4 years old until I was 24 years old by my grandfather. I never had the option to confront him because he died. some of me whish i could but its too late. My family still don't know what happen those days. I finally told a friend i knew as a child. He use to touch me and couple times he did oral sex on me. But i never touched him. 

sorry if this is too crude thanks for listening and if any has some advice please let me know 

thank you 

Yes! I have, It started when I was nine years old. It was my own brother. I hated him for years. I would not have any contact with him until about 10 yrs ago.  He is in prison and we were having a family reunion, we were going to visit him and I did not want to go.  So my sister ask me why and I told her. My family never knew, and my mom went to her grave never knowing. I left home when I was sixteen and never went back.  My sister told me I needed to confront him.  So when I went home for the Family Reunion and we went to the prison to visit him I told him how I felt.  He told me he did not remember molesting me, but I did not believe him because  I know what happened and I live with it everyday. I have forgiven him but I will never forget. So if anyone is having this problem with a family member or anyone, please don't hold it in as I did talk with some body. 

  

Sad in Kansas 

I was sexually abused by my step-father at the age of 7.  He continued until I was 16.  I tried to tell my mom and he would always say "what would I want with her she is just a kid"  or look how she dresses ( I wore flannel pajamas). One time when I was in 6th grade and  everyone was gone to the grocery store I was up in my room reading a book and he came up and tried to do things and even offered me money not to tell.  I took the money and told my brothers when they came home and they told my mom because we didnt have much money and they never got any so they were jealous..which is what I was hoping for, and she confronted him with me right there and he called me a liar and said I had taken change from his pants pocket...so I got in trouble for stealing and once again she believed him. He used to take her out drinking and deliberately get in fights with her so he could leave her and he would come home and try to abuse me...when I was 16 I moved 

to an Aunt and Uncles and HE abused me and they walked around nude all the time with 4 young children in the home. So I moved back home.  Then my three brothers abused me...I tried to get a job as a live in child care helper and I was going to tell my mom about all of it and how I hated it but my step-dad drove me and my mom to the interview...fortunately they had a long sidewalk and I was able to tell her on the way to the door...within a month she has left him.  Too little too late.  I was such a mess...that was in the late 60's and there was no one that I could tell that would do anything to get me help.  I ended up pregnant at 16 and had the child at almost 17.  She is 38 now and I kept her but it was hard because I ended up marrying the first guy that came along that would marry me...it lasted 16 years, but I was unhappy the whole marriage even tho I had 3 wonderful sons from the marriage.  I am angry that I had no one I could go to. But I am glad that kids nowadays can go to an adult and be believed. 

You definitely need to take control and get out.  I wish I had known how to do that when I was your age.  Maybe I wouldnt have gone so many years feeling alone and not knowing how to feel good about myself,  You also need to report him..if you think you could. He needs to take responsibility for what he has done and you dont want him to do this to someone else...because he WILL do it to someone else if he has gotten away with it with you and your mother protecting him.  My mother failed to protect me and I was angry at her for years.  She was killed in a car wreck in 1989 and that day she apologized to me and said she didnt know how she could support us (there were 6 of us) and that she wished she knew she could support us (like she did eventually) and she would have left him sooner.  Anyway I wish you the best of luck and go for it!  You will be glad you did...