Topic : Childhood Sexual Abuse Support

Quote From: lookin4hlp

I was just wondering where you were.  I haven't been posting frequently, but I haven't seen you around.  I hope you are ok.

Quote From: dramamama

If no one ever sat down with you and told you how to say no to someone who touched you or made you uncomfortable; if no one was available to you to make you feel safe even if you told them something horrible about someone they loved dearly; if no one would protect you then and no one seems to be trying to protect you now then there was nothing you could have done. Let me ask you this...if you had told anyone would it have mattered? Would they have tried to get him convicted and put away? Would they have moved you away from him and kept him from seeing you again? Would you have been safe? Would telling have mattered? For me the answer was "no"...I was 9 and not stupid. I could have told someone else but why? Why would I have felt safe telling anyone else if I didn't feel safe telling my own family? I was ashamed. I thought the shame was mine and apparently after telling my parents they thought  the shame was mine too or they want it to be. But was it? Think about it. What if you were younger....a infant? What could you have done? Nothing. Who would have been responsible? You? No. Your guardians whether parents, teachers, adult friends whoever, THEY  are responsible and the shame is theirs! Why do you think they react so violently to your saying anything? They failed YOU and they are responsible and what sucks is that you have to deal the consequences. The only thing you can do is say....ok...this sucks and it happened and I have to go on. You have to choose to go on. You have to choose to not let this control you. It is ok to mourn for that child you lost. You lost your innocence. You lost your freedom. You lost your trust. You lost love. It is ok to mourn! That child's spirit died that day! But don't let that be the end. Fight to get it back! It is your right to be angry! It is your right to hate what was done to you! You cannot get on with life until you are able to heal that part of your life. Otherwise it will haunt you forever. But it doesn't have to be that way! You don't have to carry it around on your shoulders for the rest of your life. If you choose to deal with it you can heal. If you choose to avoid it and allow it to continually victimize you then you will be his victim for life. I encourage you to get counseling because it often takes someone else to show you what can be done to heal. It is important to have it be someone who cares but who can stay apart from it so to see the picture clearly without all the emotions that often cloud our vision. Emotions often give us clues when something is wrong but sometimes they can lie to us too. Sometimes we can't see clearly because it feels like something is wrong when really everything is ok. What I mean is that you can feel safer than you do now but not through avoiding the situation but through dealing with it head on. It takes guts. It can be so scary sometimes and it can feel like you are going to die but you get through it one issue at a time and everytime you see you didn't die. You are ok and you feel stronger and then you become the guardian that little girl never had. You are an adult now and you can guard yourself now. But you must learn how. I cannot say often enough that  you could do nothing. I am so sorry to have to say that but you were a child. How could you expect a child who knows nothing about sex to have the forsight to see that this man was thinking sexually! You were a child. You were suppose to be innocent! You were supposed to be naive! That's what a child is! To ask you to be anything more than that is just unfair and unjust and wrong! Whoever makes you feel like you should have done something to prevent it is wrong! He should've prevented it! He was the adult! He knew EXACTLY what he was doing! He GROOMED you for it! It was totally premediated! Don't let anyone tell you that a man can't control himself in certain situations or that there comes a point where he can't say no. BULLSHIT! BULLSHIT! BULLSHIT! BULLSHIT! I am sorry for the cussing but it is just that! PURELY! There is a thing called selfcontrol and frankly any man who has to go to an innocent child to get off is no man at all! I am sorry for the crass language! It pisses me off that this freaking world keeps feeding this disease and that anyone would try to blame innocent children is a LIE! and a LIAR! Hey! I know there are some men on this message board help me out here! I hope that you understand and can accept this. Please believe me! Don't believe me? Ask Dr. Phil! He'll tell you! I will be praying for you!

Quote From: sindzk

... I think he'd probably say the same thing as my family...  I should have been doing what I was supposed to doing... I shouldn't have been there... I should have said something... and, honestly... I couldn't take being called a liar again.

Quote From: dramamama

Ok...maybe I am lost....what did you do at 4 years old that was so bad? Explain this to me please....I want to hear your side of this...if you are uncomfortable posting it then send it to me via email... jiggetyjog@yahoo.com .

Quote From: sindzk

i sent you an email...

Quote From: dramamama

I sent one back. : )

Quote From: sindzk

i sent one back too

Quote From: curly_1

I changed my name. I have been doing OK most days. 

How about you? Are you OK? I think about you often and 

hope taht you are getting through the ups and downs :). 

  

            

                Hang in there! 

Quote From: lookin4hlp

Read through this.  Does this describe someone that deserves blame?   

  

Check this out: 

http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/002015.htm 

  

SENSORY AND COGNITIVE 

The typical 4-year-old:  

• Has a vocabulary of over 1500 words
• Easily composes sentences of 4 - 5 words
• Can use the past tense
• Can count to 4
• Will ask the most questions of any age
• May use words that aren't fully understood
• May begin using vulgar terms depending on their exposure
• Learns and sings simple songs
• Tries to be very independent
• May show increased aggressive behavior
• Readily discloses personal family matters to others
• Commonly has imaginary playmates
• Has an increased comprehension of time
• Is able to distinguish between 2 objects based on simple criteria such as size, weight
• Shows less egocentric behavior
• Believes that thoughts and emotions are causative events
• Lacks moral concepts of right and wrong
• Is rebellious if expectations are excessive
•  

Quote From: sindzk

What questions do I ask? ...And, on a slightly different note... how do I help my boyfriend understand the flashbacks aren't his fault?