Topic : Childhood Sexual Abuse Support

When I was three yrs old my stepfather started to sexually abuse me while my mother was in the hospital giving birth to my little brother.  That is a day I remember clearly in my mind even though all the rest in between have run together and become blurry.  He told me if I told my mom or anyone he would kill my mom then he would kill me.  One of his favorite things to do was to lock me up in his foot locker from his army days while he sat on it cleaning his guns.  Pretty scary for a child.  His two children from a previous marriage had to move in with us as their mother died from cancer.  My stepfather's oldest son ended up molesting my little brother but we didnt know this until several years later.  For years my brother has been extremely angry and abusive, who could blame him.  We went to school one day and my brother told the school counselor what was happening at our house.   It was true that we did keep that secret very well, my mom never knew.   I was eleven and he was seven years old the last time we saw him.  His punishment for all those years of abuse was 6 months in a mental hospital and 6 yrs probation.  Thanks to the great state of Missouri (lots of sarcasm here).  He had to register as a sex offender also.  He ended getting married again to a woman who him and my mom where friends with.  Rumor was she didnt believe that their was any abuse at all that it was just made up so my mom could get a divorce.  Well, he ended up molesting her daughter who was 5 yrs old at the time.  And is back on the sex offender registry but the only one in Jackson County,  Missouri without a picture posted on the website.    I now know that there are no laws in this state that will do justice for child molestation.  You have to wait and hope their is a higher power that will take care of him as he deserves one day. 

I have made a decision now 26 years after being sexually assaulted by my doctors whilst recovering from surgery in hospital as a 12 year old that I am worthy of happiness, something I have denied myself all these years.  I am hopeful that I will be able to move through the recovery process and rid myself of the Post Traumatic Stress with Gods help and the love and encouragement of those around me. I pray every day for each and everyone of you whom have been subjected to this horror as I pray for myself. My children miss out on things sometimes cause I am so protective of them that they never have such an experience. I hope they will one day forgive me for loving them so much and wanting to keep them safe.  

I was molested by my step-father and once by an uncle.  When I confronted my stepfather he shrugged it off.  What was the worst hurt was when I finally told my mother, she replied "Don't feel bad it happens to a lot of girls your age." 

Because of this incest from the time I was maybe 5 or 6 to the age of 16, I have not had a normal sexual relationship with any male.  I like to be held and cuddled and loved but intercourse is difficult for me still. 

I have begun to have a warmer relationship with my mother but it is still strained on my part.  I have never spoken of the incest with her since I first told her.  I can't bring myself to do it and see no reason to make her uncomfortable at the age of 76. 

I couldn't help but wonder why you would worry about "making your mom uncomfortable"  if you talked to her now again about being molested as a child. She needs to know how the molestation affected your life.   This is why these sorts of crimes are able to be kept secret for decades, "so nobody rocks the boat."  We all have to be truthful and if that hurts them, so be it.  Why did your mom not protect you?  

Please read: "Toxic Parents" by Dr. Susan Forward, and "People of the Lie" by M. Scott Peck.  Both books give lots of insight into many parent/child issues and may be helpful to you as they have been for me.  

Best wishes......  

What's your point? 

Amazonsole:   

   Thank you for your honest and kind words. You make me feel like there is a light at the end of the tunnel and I can take charge of my life and not be that scared little girl. I know it will be a long journey, but I do feel like it will come to an end at some point in time. At least I now have the power and will to protect the children in my life. I may not have been safe, but I will do everything in my power to protect my children and others!!!   

Thank you again-Thetikihut   

I was wondering if anyone had experienced or heard of blocking out painful memories. I dont remember ever being raped or molested, but at night, or when I'm upset I am haunted by this feeling of some man laying on top of me. I have anxiety disorder, and have regular panic attacks and during them I feel him even more. I feel like hes choking me, and I yell and beg for him to get off of me, but there is no one there. I dont know if Ive managed to make this up in my mind, or if it happened. Most of my childhood is a blank, and I dont know how to seek help without having to tell people I know. If I found out later this never happened to me then I just caused myself and people around me a stress that I could never take back. I dont know what I can do, or what is available out there to help me, so if anyone has suggestions I would really appreciate it. Thanks