Topic : Childhood Sexual Abuse Support

Quote From: teen08mom

  I am 43 yrs and I was molested by my father when I was in Jr. high.  I has been a long struggle as a wife and a mother.  My father is a minister and has not yet owned up to his misdoing.  I am in counseling weekly and on medication for depression.  I cried while watching Dr Phil's show today especially while the predator was describing details of how he molests his daughters.  What goes thru their minds when doing such an awful deed.  Sometimes all I do is cry because of the flashbacks, it seems like yesterday that this happened.  It took many years for me to realize that THIS WAS'NT MY FAULT I WAS JUST A CHILD!!! Our teen son has just found out about the abuse.  I never wanted to tell him but since I was hospitalized for a breakdown, my husband thought he should know.  Now he understands why I am struggling with depression.  I worry about the grandchildren when they are with my father.  My son does not see him that much.  I am the black sheep of the family.  So  I dont see the family much.   I would love to be able to confornt my dad and be able to tell my family what happened but I cant.  I am keeping it inside.  I know that is not good but  I am not strong enough to confront them now. 

Quote From: lookin4hlp

I am so sorry about the horrible abuse you experienced throughout your childhood.  You endured such horrible things and for so long with no parent available to offer any protection.  If you can, I would suggest that you work with a psychologist that specializes in this area.  You should have someone beyond your husband to talk to about this.  For me, it is good to have someone who knows, acknowledges, and is supportive as a guide.  I don't know what to say about turning him in.  If he is surviving his cancer, then maybe you should.  It may do you some good to finally have power over him and put him away.  It may also protect someone else from him.   

Quote From: lookin4hlp

We will remain respectful friends who both are trying to heals ourselves and help others.  My best to you.

Quote From: lookin4hlp

Thank you for your advice.  I have meditated (with tapes) before and it is very relaxing.  Perhaps I should do it more often.  I have done some yoga, too, and sometimes that provides some peace.  I have never done martial arts and don't have an interest in that. 

I have not confronted and do not plan to do this.  I just can't for many reasons.  I don't want to hurt other people in my life that I care about.  

I am sorry about the physical abuse you faced while growing up.  You know what it feels like to be powerless against someone that is hurting you and so you can relate to victims of CSA well.  I am sorry for the pain you endured. 

Thanks for caring. 

Quote From: nirenotrub

I was molested for many years by my stepdad. They married when i was 5. From that day on it started. Years of begging God to kill me,kill him. I begged mom to tell me she stole me or i was adopted. Of course I was beaten for this but, hello. Hint.... When I was about 8, a comercial came on about abuse. The girl sat on the curb crying and someone came to her to see if all was ok.  I sat on the curb and was beaten. At this same time "he" moved his older sons in with us. One was 2 years older and one was a year older than me.The oldest one came in my room with his dad at night. I remember him telling him to do stuff to me... I cried n he held hand over my mouth.  Years of this crap.    

By the time I was 12ish it was almost daily.  I would sleep with lights on. Make my baby brother sleep with me, protection. Beg for a pal to stay all night, later to find out he would come in and stare at them.. I would find crushed up pills in my drinks while mom was working nights..Usually his buddies would be there.. I have no memories of these nights.. Thank God.  

 My brothers made up a song about what he did to me at night. Would joke that he fingered me n bragged about it. I got a spool of thread and made like a spider web in the door way. I got beat for wasting thread.    

At 13 he screamed at me because i stayed up with my mom and watched David Letterman. I screamed "so you rape me" Of course he cried and mom believed him. Said I was jealous..Of what? Then I was a whore according to mom..   

When i was 15 I came out of the bathroom one day after school and he was on all fours and my step brother was screaming at him.... He had drilled a hole to watch me in bathroom.... They fought and mom came in and said only reason he stuck up for me was because we were having sex.. He ran away to Arkansas.... He was only brother that stuck up for me..   

When i was 16 mom and I moved out and she filed for divorce. She told me she was gonna use what he did to me to get more$. I think I must have fainted.. I could not believe her.. I have never asked what went on...    

Now 16 years later that bastard is rotting at home with colon cancer all doped up on pain meds. My 23 year old brother takes care of him. He comes over talking about him and I dont say  what i am thinking.... But they all know....  I have never talked to anyone except my husband about things that scared me forever. Sometimes i will hear a phrase or something he would say and i freak out. I feel like a kid again scared. It is horrible to wonder why... Why me? What did i do? I wonder if its too late turn him in? Or maybe just ignore like I have for too many years?   

   

Quote From: rudacomiji

I am a survivor of childhood abuse, as an adult right before the  statue of limitations ended for me, I was able to take one of my abusers to court. He pleaded guilty and got ten years...9 years suspended and served one year and got out early for good behavior and then drove by my house and waved to let me know he was out. 

The effects of the abuse were many and four years ago I started a journey to healing... 

It has been very helpful and still on it. 

The key to healing... 

The truth is the road to healing... 

I am learning who I am... 

Putting the blame where it belongs... 

Understanding that I am worthy and am somebody... 

Living my life today by making choices that are positive and enrich my life.... 

Healing means facing the truth of what happened and giving myself freedom from what others did to me. 

Facing my struggles and issues and looking for the resources to help myself.... 

Understanding that nobody can help me unless I am willing to help myself.... 

Wanting to heal is a big one, we hurt and are so afraid to face it that we walk life in pain but when we decide to face our truth, it is amazing what we find out... 

Healing means that I cannot blame everything that is wrong in my life on my past...I am an adult now and need to take responsibility for who I am, I need to make changes, I need to be a survivor and not a victim. 

I have a lot of work ahead of me but feel encouraged that I made the choice to begin the process of healing because if not still today I would be in the same pain, misery and my abusers smiles somewhere as they have moved on in life and it doesn't matter to them. Why should they be happy and me be miserable? 

Taking care of myself has made me a much healthier person, my struggles are many but feel hope that it does get even better then it is because I have stood up for myself and am caring for myself as a person and not a nobody...I am somebody and so are you...all of you that are out there that have been abused.... 

I encourage people to start the journey of healing.... 

There are resources everywhere, depends on what you need most, but you know that. 

Al I needed is to want to do it and a good Psychologist that could walk me through it and so I continue.... 

Hang in there...been there and am there....there is hope even at our darkest moments. 

Breaking the silence will give you life again... 

Take care and know that there is hope.... 

Quote From: glenn6187

yes id di want to kill myself at one time ,but i dont now.I just live with it.Just because i see a therapist once a week doesent make it all go away.Ive always felt uncomfertable about sex.about a moth ago i spent time with my wife and we had a very specail momment,but after we did it ,i had to leave the room cause i got so upset and i wrote my wife a letter and told her exactly what had happened to me by my brother.I feel so bad cause i brought her to my world and now she has the visions that i always had.She told me that she is glad that i shared that with her cause she wants to understand and feel what i feel cause she loves me so much.I have three great kids a boy17 and two girls 15 and11 and i love them so much.they were made out of love and i just get so upset sometimes cause i used to look at my son when he was 5 and just think on how a person can even find it sexually thoughts of a child.A CHILD.A BABY.What was wrong with him.I hate my brother so much and im glad hes dead.Sometimes i find myself yelling at the air cause i cant get to him anymore and i want to kill him again and again and again.Its just not fair that he got the easy way out and im stuck in this hole forever.Its been well overa year now since ive told my wife and my brothers and sisters about what happened to me and people look at me now like aw com on .get over it.My other brother had been raped by the same brothet and he understands.His one year death aniversery came and went and i went back to the beach and where i was when they had his funeral.I was so alone that day and im suprise i lived throguh that day.I got through it and when i wrote my brother and told him what he did to me was another nightmare and a miracle that i lived through.I dont know anymore.Im tire dof going through this.Im tired of reliving my past.I have a great wife and three great kids and a house a good job and a life that only people wished they have and im screwing it up.sorry to vent to you guys.I did that the last time i was on the boards and i feel like im just repeating myself.sorry

Quote From: dramamama

they are required I believe...anyone else know? If not they should be...please employers do THOROUGH background checks! Nothing against your husband I don't think people realize how prevelant this is. Did you know that among CHRISTIAN men over half have viewed pornography? These things fuel the fire people. Watch out for that mess!