I was molested by my uncle and two friends of the family when I was 5 years old. I told my mother who was 23 yrs old at the time that her brother had hurt me down there. It was very painful and swollen. She immediately ran a tub full of very hot water and submerged me into it. As she washed me she was also crying and repeating, Look what he has done to you! I never shed a tear because I was very angry with my uncle whom I loved and trusted so much. How could he do this to me. He told my mother that I would forget and she told him that I wouldn't because I knew now.
My mother never pressed charges because she was torn by the fact it was her baby brother. His only punishment was my mother not speaking to him until I was 9 years old. He got sober and off drugs for 25 years and made Bank President. I forgave him because it seemed that he had gotten sober and drug free for me. My uncle married a 17 year old girl with a 2 year old daughter when I was 13 years old and pregnant with my son. The old feelings that I thought was gone resurfaced and I feared that he would molest his new stepdaughter.
The years passed and I still was hurting deeply from the sexual abuse. At age 16, I was raped by one of the men from my past. There had been alot of drinking and we sat down to talk he began fondeling me and I asked that he stop! He continued by saying remember when you were 5 and I used to stick my tongue in your mouth? Memories flooded my mind because I had completely forgotten about the entire incident because of the shock of being molested by my uncle. He proceeded to rape me. I told my mother the next morning and she said that I was lying and it completely broke my heart.
I went on a self-destructing path of trying to break every mans heart that fell in love with me. I didn't trust woman and was surrounded by men only. I engaged in prostitition, drugs and horrible drinking bins to drown out the disgust at sleeping with men for money. I thought hell was right here on earth when the other predator of my past moved across the street from us with a lady and 2 young girls. I visited him with my other cousins and he always looked at me like nothing never happened. When his girlfriend went to work he cared for the girls. When I was 18 I had gone to the doctor because of the Flu his office was just a couple of blocks away. There he was the guy from across the street that had molested me at 5 blocking my path. I was very, very angry! He said he wanted to see how it would feel to do me right now.
I told him to get the F--k out of my face right now and to never touch me again! I am glad that I had no weapons on me because I believe I would have gone to jail that day. I did not tell my mother because I knew she would not believe me.
When I was 35 years old my uncle married again to a 20 year old. He eventually started back drinking and using drugs. Lost his job at the bank and was on skid row. He called to ask my mother for money and she always gave it to him and he even asked me for some. I was very hurt because after all these years I had forgiven him due to his sobriety. I told him on the phone that I remembered what he had done to me and if he rememebered? He said yes, I remember. No apology or anything. I told him how much it hurt me and always wondered how better my life would have turned out if he had not done what he done. All he wanted to know was if my mother was home.
The guy that stopped me on the way to the doctor died while sitting on the toilet and I cried because I wanted to get the courage to make him pay for what he did. I felted really cheated. Two weeks ago the guy that raped me when I was 16 was brutally murdered in his home. I did not know whether to laugh or cry it was a very mixed emotion. I almost feel vindicated and then again I feel cheated as well. My uncle was sentenced to 2 years in prison and I wanted him to get more time to make up for the time that mama did not turn him in for hurting me. I have often wanted to go to the authorities and tell them my story like I have heard other victims do numerous times. I do not do so because I keep thinking it would get my mother in trouble.
tornbetween
