Topic : Childhood Sexual Abuse Support

Today's show is very upsetting to me.  I am a 62 year old woman who was sexually abused by my grandfather when I was a small child.  The abuse began when I was very young, probably at about age 5 or so.  This abuse continuted until I was almost 13.  Luckily, we lived in different states, and only saw our grandparents during the summers.  I never told anyone.  As a matter of fact, there are only two people today who know about this.  I have struggled with this my whole life.  The older I get, the more I realize how much these  events shaped my life, from my self concept to my interactions with others.  This is something that an apology cannot cure.  This is something that is never forgotten.  This is something that determines the course of one's life.

One of the things that preys on my mind is the knowlege that I was not the only one.  There were many grandchildren in the family.  I feel certain that others were also abused.  I feel tremendous guilt about that .  The only thing that is of any comfort to me is the fact that at age 12 I found the courage to put a stop to these incidents.

I see no real remorse in the man on today's show.  Who is to say this poor child was his first or only victim?

Don't go in angry, or with any expectations. 

Loss of control is of no help to you, and depending on how deep of denial your abuser is in.  You may not get through.

Unfortunately, the only way I've been able to confront my abusers was through the police.  But because of how old my case was not much was really done.  Although, I'm hoping it was enough to keep my younger cousins safe.  But because nothing was done, my grandpa went into denial big time, and on a couple of occasions I got a huge taste of how deep it went. 

I'm working on a letter as I refuse to talk to my grandpa in person.  I plan on telling him that I remember what he did, how long I've remembered and how much he has hurt me.  I don't think I will ever be able to fully forgive him.  Especially, since he has denied what happened and lied to my family about what occured.  I have long since learned that I can't forget about what happened, and probably will continue to remember long after he is gone.  I hope he is proud of himself.  As he no longer has me as a granddaughter.

Hi I am very new to both posting messages and talking about my problems so please bear with me. I was sexually abused by 6 very close relatives and family friends from the ages of 7-16,  beaten by both my step parents and severely neglected by  almost every one I looked up to & disowned  by both my own parents. I had forgotten most of this until 1 year ago when  my mother had a major guilt rush and decided to start asking the questions she shouldve asked 10 years ago. I am now having flashbacks, depression & smoking marijuana just to get by. For so many years that part of my life was padlocked & bolted behind an unmovable door and now it consumes my every thought. There is no escape. No body I know including my soon to be husband knows what happened to the extent it did. I fear if I start talking no one will believe me or think I am exaggerating. I also fear all the lives that will be affected by me opening my mouth.

I feel like I am drowning. PLEASE SOMEBODY HELP ME!!

Would it help if I said I BELIVE YOU ? I know a stranger on a message board, but you know what, this way there are no preconceived notions.

You have survived some pretty horrendous things, the point is you SURVIVED, now you need to learn to LIVE again.  No, you cannot get a redo on your childhood, and for that I am truly sorryand I am assuming from the tone of your post, none of this was ever discussed, and no justice was given to you, unfortunatly you're not the only one there, until very recently, these things were the "Dirty little secrets " that "Stayed in the family "

Okay, I'm sure you've heard the smoking weed lecture, it does numb the pain though, I know that I did that for years to numb myself to the pain inflicted on me, not to the extent it was on you, but it was still painful, and I would do ANYTHING not to think about it or to feel anything, whether it was toke up or drink.  We do want to keep it bolted in a corner, I liken it to a Pit Bull, you just never know when it might come back to bite you, and when it does, LOOK OUT.

TALK to your Fiance, if he's any kind of man he will give you a shoulder to cry on, he may not understand, but you trust him enough to marry him, then trust him enough to help you, don't get married before YOU resolve what has happened to you, yes its YOUR CHOICE to either get help to get yourself in a position to come to terms with this, or to just hope it goes away on its own ( I guarentee it WON'T ), the place to start might be an abuse hotline, they can put you in contact with the right people, your Doctor might be a good resource as well.

Don't worry about the lives of those that victimized you, they didn't think much of yours did they ?  Or do you fear the perpatraitors ?  Maybe its time they were cut out of your life all together,  I know that forgiveness is probably the last thing on your mind, but simply put, forgiveness means they no longer have the power to CONTROL your life, but you can't get there without help in a safe environment ( a psychologist is bound by confidentiality laws, as are the abuse hotlines, and your Doctor, so there is no need of anyone finding out that you don't CHOOSE to let know these things ), do you all live in the same town ? Can you get out ?

You feel like you're DROWNING, because you are right now, its your choice to sink or swim, all you need is the life preserver, scream for it resolve to take back your life, and your ability to LIVE.

Your fiance should be told as much as you feel comfortable with telling him, after all you plan on spending your life with him right ?  He should know, and if he truly loves you, he will NOT reject you, or think you're nasty, but he will offer his love and support and will be willing to move the date until YOU are able to get a handle on things.

There is HELP, you are asking, which is a step in the right direction, don't let this destroy you.

Thankyou for your reply. It did help a little. I have been to a councillor a couple of times but when it comes to the hard questions I cant answer them. I just get a complete blank, then when I do remember I dont trust that my memories are just that-memories, or if I have created memories, if that makes sense. I am questioning everything and trust nothing.

I told my fiancee about 2 of the 6 men who sexualy abused me and his reaction was to shout & yell then get in his truck & almost drive the 14 hrs across the state to get revenge which would've landed him in jail leaving me without a partner & our 2 children without their father.He is a good man (not without his own problems) but how can I tell him when the liklyhood of him doing something that will land him in trouble is so apparent?

I have thought many times about redoing my childhood & the what ifs but I have realised because of what I went through I am now able to pick up any & all signals from my children, but how do I handle the situation If & when it presents itself?

What are your suggestions on giving up marjuanna? I hate myself everytime I smoke it yet at the same time it feels like my only lifeline. I seem to be able to handle everyday chores & task better when I smoke instead of curling up in the fetal position and crying 247.

I want to stop cheating my children out of their mother but I don't even know who their mother is.

How do I stop dying so I can finally start to live. I want so much to have a normal life and actually look forward to the next day instead of dreading what I may remember  the next hour.

Thank you for your lifeline

The show was difficult for me to watch today because I see so many parallels with my own life. If that young girl turns out to be like me because of the sexual abuse, then I feel extremely sorry for her. My brother molested me from ages ten to fourteen, well over twenty-five times. It has affected my life greatly. I remember in the show the young girl was saying how she's fat, ugly, etc., and that is the same way for me. My therapist wants me to tell my mom, but I saw how Grace's mother was so devastated, and I'm not sure I could do that to my own mother. Plus, it happened five years ago, so it's not like he is doing it now.....