Topic : Childhood Sexual Abuse Support

Hi Nora

It's good to see you back.  Sounds like you've had your hands full.  I am so glad you have a good relationship going with your granddaughters.  It seems to have paid off in spades for your daughter in this situation.  The best thing is that the girls now know that no matter what happens, you can be trusted.  That may pay off even more as life goes on.  They may talk to you even if they are afraid to tell Mom about things (and it could be anything from a broken heart to much worse).  Every kid should have someone they can trust like that.

Did the doc tell you no popcorn?  It is quite a healthy snack as long as you don't butter it and use very little salt (no sugar!).  Air popped is best.  I have diabetes and so I have to eat healthy - 1300 calorie plan.  Popcorn is one of my favourite snacks.  At least I can still eat it - I am supposed to avoid my other favourite: chocolate, for obvious reasons (and no, I am not always good - I cheat and eat it sometimes)

I just wish that these nightmares and flashbacks would go away for awhile.   I havent had any sleep for two days now.  and all my emotions are still  running crazy and mixed up.   I have a therapist appointment today, so i will probably be back on the board to write and vent a little bit.  but not doing good.  I had been thinking of suicide again and thats not good.

Hi Nora

Popcorn carb count is pretty high - 1/2 a meal's worth for me in about 3 1/2 cups.  But no law says you have to eat that much.  1 3/4 cups has 65 calories and 12 grams of carb.

As for chocolate, there are a few out there that are low sugar but all of them that I know about have a high fat/calorie count.  I am Canadian so the one you talk about may not have ever been available here.  Dark semi-sweet chocolate isn't quite so high in carbs or calories but does have that fat thing going on.

Have you ever a dietician for this eating program?  If not, it may be a good idea.  A good one will know about this stuff and may be able to help you work it into your meal plan.  Your doctor may be able to refer you.  Having diabetes for 13 years now, I have worked a lot with my dietician and she has taught me a lot about working so-called "No no" foods into my plan.  I can basically eat just about anything I want - just not as much of the "no-no's" and not as often.

Do you know that most fruits are high in calories and carbs?  Most have a high natural sugar content.  Veggies make a better snack.  Just stay away from carrots most of the time - high natural sugars.  Any of the other standards that you find on a  veggie and dip tray are great for snacking and both low cal & low carb.  Mushrooms, celery, peppers, cucumber slices, cherry tomatoes are all close to 0 calories and carbs.  You can even have the dip if you stick to a low fat one.  Here's a great recipe:

1 large tub of fat free PLAIN yoghurt

2 tbsp fat free mayo or mayo-type salad dressing

1 packet of onion soup mix, dried vegetable soup mix (no noodles or pasta), low fat dry salad dressing mix

or any other type of seasoning.  I often dryed Italian herb mix with a touch of dill added.  Dill is great alone, as well.  Experiment!

Mix the three ingredients  with a mixer, blender or whisk until all are well-blended.  Serving size 2-3 regular table spoons.  Store in yoghurt container or other container with a tight-fitting lid.  Keeps well in the fridge. 

I am doing a bit better today.  The depression seems to be lifting a bit.  It helped that "he" was in yesterday.  It was a quick visit because his mom's roof needed a lot more than he figured so he only had about 40 minutes or so for me - much better than just phone calls, though.  He spent most of the time just holding me.  We didn't even get around to kissing hello until he'd been here nearly 15 minutes.  He came through the door, pulled me into his arms and just stood there holding me.

Hubby has behaved this week except for a couple of little tantrums.  One was because I was standing at the door when he was bringing a basket of laundry in from the car.  (I was trying to keep HIS cat inside.  I wasn't even in the way.)  The other was when I told him something "he" had said during a normal phone conversation we had while his wife was in the room with him.  I told him that "he" said to try running around the house naked to get hubby's attention.  I got a look of such utter contempt from him!  I knew he wouldn't like me to do it.  I thought he would treat it like an inside joke.  I tried it when we first got married - meeting him at the door naked when he got home from work.  Most guys would kill to have their wives do something like that for them.  My husband just acted like I didn't exist!

That look of contempt keeps happening more and more.  If he feels like that about me, why is he still here? 

And people think  we're all messed up LOL!

glad you are doing better.  and i am too.   my dr. had added another med and it seem to be working.   glad you got to see your lover.   well got to go for now talk with you later

Hi Angel

I'm glad you're doing better.  I was worried about you.  Hubby is back to being an idiot again today.  He was awful to me this morning.  I had to talk to my dad this morning and break the news that hubby and I are having some major troubles.  He told me to hang in and try everything I can before I walk.  He has always liked my husband and when I told Dad how he was acting, he couldn't believe it.  Dad does agree, however that I may have to walk if things don't improve.  Obviously Dad doesn't know about the lover.

That is where I am today. I totally understand anything anyone has been through. I still have phobia's related to my abuse but I work through it every time. I used to have panic attack's. I worked myself through it too. Is it fair? No. Life's not fair. Better this than some other problem's people have. I can live through it. I look at my life as a badge of honor. Noone broke me. They tried hard but it couldn't be done. I'm here on Earth to love and live and that is what I will do.

Sue