Merry Christmas everyone!!!!!
Things are progressing. Hubby threw one of his temper tantrums again at church yesterday. A number of people saw it. I don't know how many heard because he kept his voice low. Our daughter was involved this time and after church when he took her home, I guess she really blasted him good. She was so angry that she may not even come for Christmas tomorrow. (It is weird. It's the first time in 30 years I haven't had a kid around on Christmas Eve.) I didn't hear the blast as I had to stay behind and make some arrangements to help me get out. Our women's organization president is making some calls and stuff for me. When she gets the results of the calls, our clergy will work with me on final arrangements because then I will have a definite date.
Because of hubby's temper tantrum, I ended up alone in the church with "him" while everyone else left to go to the kids' christmas pageant at a local seniors' home. We didn't realize we were alone at first. Hubby had told me not to leave the building he would pick me up there. By the time "he" had to leave, hubby still hadn't shown up. Needless to say, we made good use of the alone time before he had to go. Discussed some of my arrangements and some other personal stuff. Spent a lot of time just holding each other and kissing now and then. Although we had lots of time, we decided that sex there probably wasn't a good idea. I helped " shut down" the building - the usual, stacking chairs and turning out lights etc. Then he dropped me at the senior's home and talked to our clergy about our situation and that I was supposed to wait at the church for hubby. Hubby showed up as we were leaving the senior's home after it was all over. I was on my way home with our clergyman. He was going to be alone with his kids and he had asked me to come and help with the sick toddler until hubby got there. Hubby showed up just as we headed to the van. He was a bit more subdued. He was angry at me for leaving the chapel until I told him what happened. He was quite upset about what our daughter said. I'm glad because she basically told him that he was being a jerk and that the tension here was so bad and that she was tired of it and that he is the cause.
As of this afternoon, it still looks like "he" is leaving his wife to be with me as soon as I get out and we wait long enough to allay any suspicions that he is responsible for our break up. (He isn't. Just the catalyst to get me to face reality.) Our marriage has been bad a long time and I've always backed down on my threat to leave. Hubby always assumes that I am stuck and don't have the courage to go. He goes back to the bad behaviour soon after he is sure I am not going. this time I am not backing down. I deserve to be treated better and I am going to be even if it means being alone and treating myself better. "He" wants to protect me and be involved as much as he can - even if it harms him. I am trying to keep him as clear away from the situation as possible. It is difficult because he keeps insisting on taking part in my "escape". He will agree with me that he should stay clear one minute and then think of another way to be involved the next. Right now, he is going to our clergyman and offering to store my stuff so I can get as much as possible out. Of course that will make it easier to get his stuff out too because he can slip stuff in with mine. But it also means that the guys helping with it will know that he is involved at least on the edges. I hope that people don't assume an affair because of our friendship and the fact that he wants to help. Unfortunately, I am sure some will. Yes we are having an affair but that doesn't mean we want everyone to know it, especially right now.
