Topic : Childhood Sexual Abuse Support

Hello! Welcome here! 

My mother was the same as yours she was married 4 times however.  I finally had to tell her to not be a part of my life anymore. It was the hardest and best thing I had ever done. I knew I couldn't go on with my healing with feeling her controlling me. You say that you drop your head and feel like that little kid over and over. Only you can take charge of that, either way you choose to do that, you are the one that has to take control of that. 

My ex would get so mad whenever I talked to my mother because every time I did I would be so different, I couldn't make any decisions for myself not even which sandwich bags to by, no kidding. I was in bad shape, and I felt very empowered when I told her that she couldn't protect me or take responsibility for her actions so I had to say goodbye. Told her not to call me, I would call her. 

My oldest daughter was molested and then raped at age 14. I too had hoped her life would be different, but it hasn't for her. Makes me mad and sad, I wanted all my kids to have a better life that I did. Well they have but still didn't keep that from happening to her. 

How do we let it all go and go on with life? That is a good question. I think coping skills are good and we need them to help us get through the tough times. I am still trying to cope myself and sometimes I do OK and other times I really suck at it. Remembering that we are not those vulnerable children anymore and that we have a say is hard to grasp sometimes. But it can be done, we can say no, I don't like your behavior or just setting limits. Start with small stuff, someone mentioned, as I have before, The book The Courage To Heal That is a great book to buy. Skim it first, it is tough to read all at once but it is a good tool. I wish you the best. 

mj 

Is your therapist not helpful, or are you afraid to "go there"? I have had good and lots of bad therapists. Yes I have been diagnosed with the same as you, and I am much better at helping others than myself most times. I am so sorry to hear of the horrible things you had to go through, sigh. I wish that there could be some magic pill for all of us to take and make it all better, but there isn't. We are left having to take care of ourselves having never learned how, or feeling we were worth it. I would just try real hard to not avoid your issues in therapy and change therapists if needed. You are worth it and you deserve it! I don't know that I helped you but I do care. 

mj 

HOW ALL. HOW ARE U TODAY.  WELL ME DEALING WITH ALOT OF ISSUES THAT I SHOULD NOT BE DEALING WITH RIGHT NOW.  LIKE THE FACT OF THE MEMORIES OF WHAT MY MOTHER DID TO ME WHEN I WAS A BABY AND AS I GREW UP TOO. WHEN I WAS TWELVE YEARS OLD SHE PAID HER BOYFRIENDS TO HAVE SEX WITH ME SO THAT I COULD BECOME PREGNANT AND SHE WOULD HAVE ANOTHER BABY THAT SHE HAD ALWAYS WANTED. WELL THAT NEVER HAPPENED AND SHE ABUSED ME EVEN MORE.  SHE BEAT ME SO BAD THAT I HAD BRUISES ON ME FOR MONTHS.  I AM STILL HAVING NIGHTMARES ABOUT THEM.  I AM A MOTHER OF THREE. A BOY AND TWO GIRLS.  I AM 30 YRS OLD AND VERY ANGRY AT MY MOTHER. MY DAD HAD NO IDEA OF ALL OF THE ABUSE THAT SHE WAS DOING BECAUSE HE WAS GONE WORKING ON THE RAILROAD.  CAN ANYONE HELP ME TO DEAL WITH THIS. 

 Hello, I'm in a new relationship with a man I really care for. The problem is he knows that my ex and I had a bad breakup but he doesn't know why. My daughter was molested by her stepfather of 12yrs. I don't know if I should tell him that part of my life or just keep on  saying "some really bad things happend" when we talk about my ex. A part of me is afraid that he will turn and run away. I know honesty is a plus in order for a relationship to work but I'm not sure if I'm ready to talk with him about it. Any advice?? 

thank you 

   Oreo, I have been reading some of your stories and the things that have been happening to you. Well this is my first time ever being on here and I believe we have a lot in common. I am 17 year old female and have had so many problems along in my life. I am struggling it seems just to barely get by everyday. I feel very depressed, have had a mother that physically, emotional, and mentally abused me. I tried to tell my father but he never believed me. Later when I moved away from them just recently i was molested. NO my father doesnt' know and never will know. The authorities do know and I am scared because i have the opportunity to face my person. But I am scared. I am scared to testify to tell all of these strange people my story of what has happened to me and i have to do it if not i feel like it will happen again and now is the time that i can stop it and i really don't know what to do. I do know what i should do though. Do any of all care to chat to me on here about some of these things. Oh Oreo i also go to counseling. I just started a couple of weeks ago. Once a week and i dont' like it. I feel it is just a waste of time but i am sticking to it to see if maybe she could lbe one to maybe help me get up in front of the court and testify but I dont' know. The most I feel is scared. Can any of yall help me 

after reading through some ot the other messages, i can see that i am really not alone in being an adult child of sexual abuse.  I was abused by my father, brother, cousin and family friend.  as well as my mother assisting and allowing things to happen.  i first tried to tell someone and get help way back 25 years ago in jr high school.  i told my councelor who inturn called my parents in for a conference.  he told them what i had said to him and because my parents were 'people' in the community and owned the local diner, when they said that i was always lying to get attention, they were believed and i was looked at as a liar.  i was severly punished for telling.  for a long time after that i held things in. i couldnt tell anyone ever again and take the chance that i would be beaten or raped again.  after 2 more years of pure hell, i had grown close with a teacher.  one day i was really down and she asked me what was wrong, i broke down and told her everything and that i thought that i was pregnant.  i was only 15 years old!  she said that she could help me and again went to the school councelor with me.  i told my story again and again i was looked at as a liar.  my parents were confronted again and i was looked at as being loose and frequently called a whore!  well, i was pregnant and i was forced into an abortion.  after all of that i closed up totally.  i barely made it through high school. 

in 1987 i had a break down.  i attempted suicide and nearly succeeded.  i have attempted a total of 8 times.  i have been in and out of counceling and just wasnt able to find a therapist that i could connect with.   

almost 20 years later, it all starts again.  this past year has been hell all over again.  besides being in an abusive relationship as an adult, i have started having flashbacks all over again.  my depression is really bad again and i have had thoughts of suicide just to stop the pain.  the physical pain as well as the emotional pain seems to be so much deeper this time.  i am back into counceling now (when i have the courage to go and not run the other direction) and i think that i may have found someone that can help me.  but i am so afraid of opening up to her.  i cant take not being believed again.  there is no way that i can live through not being believed again. 

i just dont know if i can trust.  i am loosing my strength fast and i am very scared. 

i guess i am reaching out for some advise.  any advise might help.  please. 

     I sure wish the support systems that exist today were around when I was still in the foster care system. Six of the nine years I spent on that merry-go-round were a living hell. In my first foster home, I was sexually assaulted by a babysitter. My foster mother beat me with a strap, demanding that I tell her what happened (the ignorance regarding child molestation was unbelievable). At seven years of age, I was unable to articulate what was happening to me. (Neither Social Services nor the police were ever notified.)  

     In my second foster home, the molestation continued with the head of the household. His wife (as well as the social workers) looked the other way. After all, with four cash cows/domestic servants/decoys, why mess up a good thing?That man could have raped me in front of her; all she would have done was tell me to take a bath and fix dinner. What I would have given to have one concerned adult ask me what's wrong--and set out to make things right.  

     My father being awarded custody was the best thing to happen in years. I never told him about what I had endured. He was on parole for second-degree murder at the time; had he found out what was going on, someone else would have ended up dead. My molesters were never brought to justice; hence, there was never any closure. It is only by the grace of God that I haven't taken a wrong path in life; how many others out there haven't been so fortunate?