Topic : Childhood Sexual Abuse Support

I mailed my complaint against that doctor in yesterday.  I'm so happy I finally did it.  They said that they'll get back to me really soon.  It took me 2 weeks to do it totally.  I always imagined being able to do something about what happened to me, and I thought I was so ready it would be fast and easy.  Turns out it was more like going through Hell, but each time I wanted to give up I just told myself that I had to be strong and do whatever it was at the moment that I needed to do.  I knew that there's a possibility something big could come of my complaint and I could potentially be ripped apart by others, and that if I couldn't handle just going over the details with my psychiatrist, that I wouldn't make it.  It took me 3 days to find out his name.  I searched all over the web pages and got information from my mom that helped me find him, and I knew it was him because I saw his face and I remembered it completely.  I got so scared and dizzy for 2 days, but I constantly told myself that he couldn't hurt me anymore and that my psychiatrist promised they'd take me seriously, and I love and trust her.  Then my parents and I took an unexpected vacation up to a lake with my brother and my dog and our new boat and we just had a great time.  Then when we came back 2 days later I was ready to write it out, and then the next day I called to find out his address so I could put it in the report and then the next day (yesterday) I got the report form and I had already done the hardest parts of it so I just pasted what I had written out and sent it in. 

Part of me is still scared about the unknown of what's going to happen and what they're going to think of me.  One thing that's funny, in a way, is that I found his website and since he's a really high up gynecologist he had so many articles and endorsements.  I looked up sexual abuse and on his own site it's almost like he gave me some really useful knowledge that will even incriminate him.  He had an article explaining rape and on it said that rape used to be defined as penetration by a male, but now it was better defined as sticking anything inside somebody else that you in some way have an advantage over.  He raped me with his finger 3 times.  Part of me is relieved, but part of me is really sad and wondering why me?  Part of me tries to justify it and say that for some reason he had to do it.  I've actually been to another gynecologist to get an exam a long time ago and that didn't happen.  It felt so strange.  Part of me doesn't understand it.  He's probably almost as high up as you could get in the medical community.  He has no other complaints that I can find.  Still, I know he did it to me and I'm not letting him get away with it.  If nothing else it will be on his permanent record.  Now if only I could hear back about my complaint.  I know it will hopefully be some day this next week.  I'll definitely keep you all posted.  Thank you all for being here.  It really helps to have support from people who know what I'm going through.

Brooke

Yes, I am working with a therapist,but its hard for me to trust anyone right away.  I just feel so confused on alot of my emotions right now .   I just don't understand alot of things and to me it just makes everything worse.

Makayla

I just learned a few weeks ago that the man I thought was a good husband and provider was molesting my child. The predator is in jail, though, in my opinion, and state of mind, he should be rocked or torture for this horrific act. I along with my child are seeking counseling but I feel that she is further apart from me now that she came forth then she has been in years.  I am trying to be patient and understand that this home and I are part of a painful childhood but it's hard not being so close to he especially since I really have no one else to tell. Because of her age, I have chosen to keep a tight lid on this. I have also sent numerous prayer requests online and in mailings so that we can get through this and also prayers for this not to go to trial as this is a small community. I do want to expose him but not at her expense.  I've heard the term damaged and that is not how I describe or want my child to be describe by others. 

Any advice and your prayers are welcome. I'm angry, confused and sad! I do pray daily that he would be brave enough to take his own life but recognize that this is a low self  human who preys on children so praying that this coward become something other than the slime he is...is possibly unconceivable.  I hate this man and while I understand his family has very little to do with this..I pray bad fortune and happenings on them. I know this is not right but the hatred right now is what is keeping me strong.

Your emotions are completely normal for your situation.  However, some points I think should be made:

*The term 'damaged' should not be tossed around lightly, but you should find a way to see the truth in it.  Both you and your daughter HAVE been 'damaged' by this!  Your lives will never be the same again and your child's innosence is GONE.  There has been damage done...some not yet seen.

*Not sure of your daughters age but in my opinion...trying to protect her by not bringing this to trial sends her a mixed message.  A.  You are ashamed for folks to know and therefore she should be ashamed.  B.  She will blame herself (now or later) anyway, but by putting the shame out there like an elephant in the room will be 'proof' to her that it's all her fault.  20 years from now she may not remember how angry you are rite now, but she will know that you didn't bring him to trial.  How will she interpret that?  That she wasn't worth it?  That what he did wasn't 'that bad'?  SHE DESERVES her 'day in court' so to speak...she deserves to have this man put away for what he did to her and if trial is the only way to get him there...so be it.  And screw the 'small community'...let them think what they will cuz they WILL find out...sooner or later and if they find you 'wrong' for bringing him to trial...you don't need them!

I don't blame you for your anger at your husband but what did his family have to do with it?  Why are you wishing bad on THEM?   Hatred is keeping you strong?  Sorry but hatred destroys, not builds strength.  ANGER keeps you strong.  Injustice keeps you strong.  Even in some cases, revenge can keep you strong.  And your best revenge is to put this man away...take his a$$ to jail and have him put away for the maximum amount of time possible! 

The closeness with your daughter that you miss?  It sounds like you want to talk to her about this...like a friend?  She can't do that!  She is feeling guilt and shame and responsibility and her own anger and confusion.  She needs to lean on you, not hold you up.  Coming here and talking to us is much better than trying to talk to her!  She feels she took your husband from you.  She destroyed the 'family'.  Things will never be 'the same'.  She feels responsible for this and guilt and shame about it.  Best thing for you to do is try to keep daily life as 'normal' as possible.  Give her an extra hug now and then but treat her as 'normal' as possible.  Let her know you are there to talk to about ANYTHING...but don't push.  And take the S.O.B. to trial!!!

You asked for our advise and prayers.  This is my advise and I will send up the prayers.  I am a survivor so I speak from 'her side' of things.  I hope I didn't offend you.

Hugs, Sunny

OK here is the deal and I wonder why I am so confused.   Ok I had been seeing this therapist for 2 months.  Everytime I go to her she makes me feel worse.  She had actually told me it was my fault for my parents abuse that I should of been more respectful and better kid.    Then last week  she had asked me if I was suicidal and i was being honest with her and said yes. Well her reply was that not to worry cause I didn't have the guts to kill myself letalone hurt myself.   and today there i was told that my emotions was stupid and not valid right now plus i was told that crying was not going to help me now.  I told her thats fine cause i haven't cried since i was 6 years old.    I have a question for all that reads this wouldn't you be confused??    I know I am very confused and at my witts end

Makayla

OK here is the deal and I wonder why I am so confused.   Ok I had been seeing this therapist for 2 months.  Everytime I go to her she makes me feel worse.  She had actually told me it was my fault for my parents abuse that I should of been more respectful and better kid.    Then last week  she had asked me if I was suicidal and i was being honest with her and said yes. Well her reply was that not to worry cause I didn't have the guts to kill myself letalone hurt myself.   and today there i was told that my emotions was stupid and not valid right now plus i was told that crying was not going to help me now.  I told her thats fine cause i haven't cried since i was 6 years old.    I have a question for all that reads this wouldn't you be confused??    I know I am very confused and at my witts end

Makayla

Just checkin in with you to see how you are doin and what's happening.

Hugs, Sunny