Topic : Childhood Sexual Abuse Support

I am victim of sexual abuse by my father.  For many years the memories haunted me.  I told my mother once when I was a teenager.   I think she was upset, but didn't do much about it.  She didn't lash out at me.  I think she believed me, but just didn't want to deal with it.  The only reason I had the guts to tell is because I was drinking at the time.  I always worried about how much it would hurt her to know about what my Dad, her husband had done.   It added another issue to my list, knowing she did nothing.    In a moment of weakness about 7 years ago I blurted this information out to one of my younger sister who at first was sympathetic then later physically attacked me.  I have four sisters.  At the time one didn't say much, the other said she didn't remember anything as a child and she didnt want to remember and the last said  "why now?"    The subject was dropped but I gained a new pain of rejection.  About a year ago one of my sisters called me up and told me that she began therapy and admitted that she had been molested by our father also.  She called all our other siblings and told them as well.  Then my oldest sister came out with the same information.  This brewed some deep anger in me for my father.  It gave me what I needed to confront my mom as well.  Who continued to be in denial, but did ultimately leave him because I basically pressured her to do so.   When one of my sexually abused sisters heard I had told my Aunt the truth about what was going on.  She really lost it.  The truth coming out was apparently a bigger nightmare for her than what we surived.   She went so far as to call around and fuel flames with the other siblings and try to get them to cut me off.  It worked in some cases.  My Aunt and one of my sisters caught on to what she was doing, so I still have them to talk to, but I have lost much more.  This  issue has turned my world even more upside down.  I only speak to two of 8 other sibings now.  My mother doesn't even attempt to contact me.   I think everyone of them know it is true at this point (even though my Dad would not own up to it) but they fear their lives in a small community will be destroyed.    There is still a dirty secret looming over all our heads.  I am not sure coming forward helped me out at all, but maybe someone in the long run will be protected.  I am sad more for my kids who lost relationships with aunts, uncles, cousins and their grandma.  Their own father died about 7 years ago, so they have limited contact with that side of the family.   I remarried two years ago and of course my new husband got thrown in the middle of a mess he did not know about.    I wanted my children to have a "normal life".   Although I don't think secrets are healthy, I can understand why someone would be tempted to keep them.  Although, you feel like you might explode if you don't let it out, the result of letting it out can be quite explosive itself.

A few weeks ago my family called the children's Aid to report that he believed my 2 yr old son is being molested while in weekend visits with my ex husband.

 

Needless to say I was shocked, and am torn apart.

 

I went immediately into action covering all the legal bases, couselling, ect ect...But now that things are quiet and settled I am having a hard time coping with the reality of the situation.

 

If I put it from my mind I feel guilty, if I think abotu it I feel like Im going to go crazy.  Also, even though everyone keeps telling me it's not my fault I can't help but feel guilty that it happened.

 

How does a parent cope with this?  Everyday there are so many little reminders that my son has been put through something terrible and I feel like Im screwing up.  When he misbehaves I feel guilty disciplining him, and guilty if I don't....ect ect.

 

What am I supposed to do?

Believe me, there are a lot of women who can relate to that.  My stepfather abused me, as did his eldest son and my adopted grandfather.  Sometimes it seems the women who haven't been abused are in the minority.  Incestous pedophils are everywhere, hidden from all save their victims. 

Hi, I can say that I was molested by my step-father, I think since I was about 5. It took me a bit but I finally got up enough strength to tell my mom and the only thing she could say to me was, well dont be in the same room as him. Hello I lived with the man, how could I do that. What was really sad is that he was my bestfriend, I really thought that I could trust him. Later on down the road when I had moved out, couldnt handle it anymore, moved in with with dad, the man I really didnt know. Was there for about a month and he kicked me out, he didnt like the questions that I was asked about why he did what he did to my mom. Then I moved back to my home town and ended up on the street, and went from boyfriend to boyfriend. Sorry, there is alot of stuff that I left out. If I can find someone to help me with this, that would be awesome.

I am 31 now. We lived with my father until I was 10 years old, and then I lived with him for a year when I was 16. When I lived with him for that year, he said some things that were very inappropriate. He was a very cruel man when we lived with him during my childhood. He was physically and emotionally abusive towards my sisters. They were 9 and 10 years older than I. My father didn't have much to do with me, not as violent episodes as he had with my sisters. Just spankings with a belt, I was very scared of him. I do not have many memories of my childhood, it is mostly blank. The main thing I remember is always trying to stay out of the way, be a good girl, and playing outside with my brother. I don't remember much interaction with my father, except for times when he would come into my room at night and tuck me in. Thing is he was not a loving father, not that I remember.

 

A year ago, I started to have memories come up. I was raped by another person when I was in my young teen years and was dealing with that in therapy when the memories of my father started coming up. I have been dealing with it in therapy, but still wonder if I am 'crazy' and maybe nothing happened. Still when I look at the big picture, and things that he said when I was 16, and how I feel uncomfortable around him sometimes, then I believe my memories. I have not talked to anyone in my family about it. I tried to talked to my sister because she had told me that he was a little inappropriate with her daughter. I told her about the things he said to me when I was 16 and asked her if he was ever inappropriate with her before my mother moved out. She assured me he was not, and kind of blew it off. I am not sure what to think.

 

I just wonder if anyone else had had a similar experience with recovering memories?

 HEEEEY!! How are you doing? I'm glad to hear your out of counseling again!

Things have been getting better. i only go to counseling once a month now. I got to go to cedar point yesterday with my best friend who is moving to Arizona *sniffles* OMg it was soooooo scary!!! We had a creepy old guy stalking us for a little while at cedar point. After I got off the mavrick and looked at my pic, he got right behind me and tried to press his body up against my butt. Lucky for me my best friend was there and gave him a look that basicly said im gonna kick your ass! It freaked me out! I wanted to cry but I didn't. The only thing that isn't going well is the fact that I'm hving flash backs and panic attacks, but cant complain otherwise.

I hope to talk to you soon! Luv yaz!

SQUEEEEEEEEEAK

   I am 57 and was abused by my brother who was 4 years older than me. I was also abused at the same time by a  cousin that was 3 years older than me. I also feel that I was to blame (the dirty little girl, I asked for it) Talking about the abuse on here does help. I have talked to my brother but he just made light of the incidents as if it was no big deal but it was a big deal to me. My husband does not know and after 40 years of marriage I think it is a little late to tell him and I know his reation would be bad. He would want to go after my brother. I dont know if the hurt and the shame ever goes away but talking does help. Just curious as to how much older your brother is than you. My parents are both deceased too. I did tell my mother about it after I had been married for years. She just dismissed it as childs play, but it doesnt feel like play to me. It is on my mind almost daily and keeps me awake at night.

Trying to find help for young niece that is being sexually abused by her own father. He is sleeping with the case worker. No one is listening to this precious childs cries but her mother. She lives in his home town and the good ole boy network of judges and corruption are destroying this child's soul- there is medical PROOF- she has said recently that she is being made to do sexual acts with another child while he takes pictures-another man pays him money for these pictures- this could be child porn ring- something is wrong with this picture- someone please give me advice on what to do- it will be too late when she grows up and asks- why didn't anyone belive me? why didn't you make it stop? Please help this little girl!  One picture is worth a thousand words- if we could just get his computer or hidden camera proof- she would be saved! He lives with his mother- the child says her grandmother watches him 'hurt' her in the bathtub and on her bed. If she tries to fight him, he smacks her hard in the face she said. Her own grandmother records this abuse- there has to be a way to stop this!! If for some remote chance it was not true and she is making up these horror stories at only 4 years old- then wouldn't it be better to be safe than sorry? Anyone with knowledge in this area- sexual abuse, corrupt Department of Children & Family Services- major coverup of mistakes and false accusations- please contact me asap- this beautiful child needs help desperately. Will provide legal documents, medical records, etc. Thank you

 I am going through basically the same thing with my exhusband. He sexually abused my daughters 8, 5, & 4 years old, I have medical proof and other proof too, but the system wouldn't help me either. Now he currently has them because the system tried to say I coached them to say it even though there is proof and my daughters told DCS that he done it. I constantly cry, can't sleep or eat. I am worried to death about them and I feel like I let them down. Good luck and I hope you find help for your niece don't give up, I know I won't no matter what I have to do to get my daughters away from him!!!!!!

I was sexually molested at the age of nine. My predator was my ten year old cousin. He literally raped me during my sleep. Everyone out there whose been a victim should know that justice will come. It wasnt any of our faults. And that we are not alone, there is help out there.

 

My family doesnt know yet, but after talking to my bf. He gave me the courage to write my parents a letter confessing what he did to me. For many years I had confusion, but know Im ready to tell everyone what he did to me. Im not guilty of the actions he took, he is.

 

Im 26 now. I live at the other end of California because I hate being home (where he sexually attacked me). I hate the flashbacks, the trouble sleeping, the crying me asleep, the nightmare my life has been since he molested me.