Topic : Fears, Phobias and Anxiety Disorders

HI to whoever is reading this, to tell you straight out I am scared of living and dying. I experience panic attacks which I cannot control because I am not the type of person to think of any positive thoughts. I believe that I am living just waiting for something bad to happen. i get these feelings sometimes that i am actually happy but i have to quickly get myself out of that state of mind and put myself in the state that makes me think of all the negative things that can happen today. I am scared of traveling by any type of transport accept a car but it would have to be me driving it. i cannot fly, ride a bus or even a train because before I even get on any of them I begin to think the worst, I mean I think of thinks that don't even happen in the movies and that just gets me into a panic and i don't do it. i worry excessively about everything and everyone especially my children my 2 little girls, I am already worrying about my daughter starting school next year and what if she gets kidnapped or she chocks on something and the teachers don't see her and all sorts of other things. I am scared of dying for alot of reasons for instance leaving my children in other peoples hands and how they will be treated if something was to happen to me. i am a stress head. alot of people around me know this but seem to think that i should be able to stop this on my own and that it is all in my head and that i am unbelievable because of things that i think of sometimes, i know all that is true but I don't think anyone understands how bad this has become. 

OMG.  You think like I do,,how weird.  I mean I really go overboard alot too.  I have a son who will be 2 and I am already a wreck thinking I am gonna find porn under his bed someday.  If he eats cake I freak inside my head thinking what if he didn't swallow it all and it expands in his throat and he chokes.  My daughter takes the bus to school and I always call to make sure the bus arrived at the school.  She is 7 but I still worry alot, if she wakes up before me and makes herself something to eat I feel horrible and think of all the things that could have happened, she could have choked, got burned, got cut,,all this over her pouring a bowl of cereal or popping a waffle in the toaster.  On a daily basis I worry there will be some sort of attack against the US targeted at her school, and I no one will call me ,,I think terrible things about my husband too though its not just them.  I worry about him constantly he works in a bad area so I am always thinking I hope he made it to work and no one car jacked him, or killed him even. UGH I have so many horrible thoughts running through my head sometimes I don't even like trust my husband or something its so weird, like if he wakes up with the kids to let me sleep in, I lay in bed thinking, what if the baby is sticking something in the outlets, or climbing the entertainment stand, what if my daughter is choking and he doesn't see her cause the baby is doing something, what if the baby jumps on her and makes a pencil go in chest,,,O I know to my husband its funny, he just tells me to stop thinking so much, he doesn't think I am nuts or anything though thank goodness.  He often teases me about the things that are less traumatic like about a month ago, he was shouting fake shouting about how he found a magazine under the babies mattress lol it certainly pointed out how irrational I could be at times, and I got amusement out of it. 

I haven't been to bad for the last couple weeks with any of my worrying thoughts, I write them down though and then refuse to let them back in my head, I haven't even had nightmares since I have started doing that, and my nightmares were messed up real bad. 

So I don't know I can help, but I DO understand,,,,I think what made me better with it FOR REAL was watching a show I think called Life In The ER,,,when I first started to watch it I had trouble especially when kids were on, but then I started to notice that they really can help with even the weirdest of things so if something were to happen to my husband or children I know these people are trained to handle it.  There are alot of things in this world I cant change so knowing that even if the worst of things happen doctors can help, and as far as the kidnapping,,just teach the children well, about strangers etc.  Our family uses a password, its been drilled in the kids heads that they go with NO ONE unless they know the password, and I don't care if its their grandmother, they don't go.  I Also insist that my daughter yell FIRE, and I DON'T KNOW YOU, until her voice gives out if someone were to ever just grab her.  I don't want to instill fear into my kids but this is the day and age we live in so I just want to make sure they are safe.  She has no fear though and she understands we just want to her to be safe, same reason they practice bomb drills and fire drills at her school, only this is for home. 

OK gotta run 

Nan 

Hi, 

This is my first time writing on this board.  I desperately need help with my phobia.  I hope that i am taken seriously and that i get responses.  This really isnt a joke and i fear that people will think that i am lying. 

I was sexually abused by four people three of whom close relatives from the age of four up until the age of about sixteen or so.  I am now 22, and about a year ago i started having flashbacks of the trauma.  I had blocked out all or most of my childhood and did not even know that the abuse had taken place although i had some suspicions.  The flashbacks have been validated (some of them) by my twin sister who was actually there on some occassions while the molestation was taking place, and she herself was also a victim by one of the same people that abused me.  Anyways, i didnt start getting flashbacks until i was with my boyfriend at that time for about four months and we started getting intimate and discussing the option of sex.  I have always been terrified of penetration, and have not put anything in my vagina, not even a tampon or finger.  I am sexually (and emotionally/physically) attracted to my boyfriend, and i desperately want to have sex with him.  I have no problem getting turned on ... or getting wet down there.  I get pleasure from him touching me down there with his penis. 

However when he goes to put his penis inside my vagina I feel as though it  hurts.  I am terrified.  I get sweaty, my heart races, my hands shake. I am a big mess.  I have been with my boyfriend now for one year, four months, about ten days.  And to this day we still have not had full sexual intercourse, and he not penetrated me in anyway.  He is an incredible man for sticking with me this long, considering he is a man and he still has not gotten any sex.  However I can see that this is effecting our relationship, and I know that he is blaming himself, and feels inadequate as man, as though its his fault and he cant please me.  I really need help.  

 I never had a gynocological exam, until recently.  I was hospitalized for severe abdominal pain, and the doctors werent sure what it was.  They ruled about appendicitis, and needed to make sure my ovaries and everything was ok.  The only way they could do a normal exam on me was to put me under anesthesia , and ladies out there, you know this is a simple procedure, probably somewhat uncomfortable, but something that does not require anesthesia.  The results of the pap test and everything came back normal, my cervix was normal, uterus shaped normal and facing the right way.. everything normal up there.   

So i have come to the conclusion that the pain i experience when trying to have sex fully, is psychologically and has to do with this rediculous fear of being penetrated.  I can understand where this fear comes from, obviously from the truamatic abuse i endured when i was very young, however i am depserately seraching for some answers to reverse t his so that i can lead a normal life and enjoy normal sexual intercourse with  my partner.  I one day plan on having children of my own and i fear that because of this fear i will not be able to.  P 

Please someone help me, while i still can fix this!!!! 

Amy in albany NY 

I have a problem that I'm pretty ashamed of, I registered this account on this website under a false name and everything. No one really knows about my problem except for my family and they normally don’t talk about it at my request.

I'm not sure what the issue really is, but for as long as I can remember I can never sleep in my own room. My night is always the same: I fall asleep in my room at around 10 o' clock (I go to bed at this time because everyone is still awake and I can fall asleep easier), at around two or three AM I wake up and I bring a blanket and a pillow into one of my parents' rooms and that’s where I stay until morning. I have come to the conclusion that it has nothing to do with me and my parents though I think it has everything to do with just having someone in the room because I have been able to spend the night at my friends' houses just fine.

I'm thinking I'm afraid of being the only one awake at night - like if no one is looking out for me while I’m asleep and vulnerable I have to look out for myself.

Over the past few years I've noticed that once I leave the house I'm going to become really messed up unless I'm living with someone. If I'm home alone at night I don’t sleep at all, my adrenaline starts pumping and I'm at constant alert. It scares me to death knowing that I'm going to be constantly afraid at night if my roommate, boyfriend, husband, or whoever has to leave me alone at night. I really want to go off to a four year college or even go overseas for my education but this phobia is really keeping me from doing that.

I’m only 18 years old and I'd really love to start living a normal life early rather than waiting till I’m 30 or 40 to confront it. If anyone can help me...I'd really appreciate it.

OMG.  You think like I do,,how weird.  I mean I really go overboard alot too.  I have a son who will be 2 and I am already a wreck thinking I am gonna find porn under his bed someday.  If he eats cake I freak inside my head thinking what if he didn't swallow it all and it expands in his throat and he chokes.  My daughter takes the bus to school and I always call to make sure the bus arrived at the school.  She is 7 but I still worry alot, if she wakes up before me and makes herself something to eat I feel horrible and think of all the things that could have happened, she could have choked, got burned, got cut,,all this over her pouring a bowl of cereal or popping a waffle in the toaster.  On a daily basis I worry there will be some sort of attack against the US targeted at her school, and I no one will call me ,,I think terrible things about my husband too though its not just them.  I worry about him constantly he works in a bad area so I am always thinking I hope he made it to work and no one car jacked him, or killed him even. UGH I have so many horrible thoughts running through my head sometimes I don't even like trust my husband or something its so weird, like if he wakes up with the kids to let me sleep in, I lay in bed thinking, what if the baby is sticking something in the outlets, or climbing the entertainment stand, what if my daughter is choking and he doesn't see her cause the baby is doing something, what if the baby jumps on her and makes a pencil go in chest,,,O I know to my husband its funny, he just tells me to stop thinking so much, he doesn't think I am nuts or anything though thank goodness.  He often teases me about the things that are less traumatic like about a month ago, he was shouting fake shouting about how he found a magazine under the babies mattress lol it certainly pointed out how irrational I could be at times, and I got amusement out of it. 

I haven't been to bad for the last couple weeks with any of my worrying thoughts, I write them down though and then refuse to let them back in my head, I haven't even had nightmares since I have started doing that, and my nightmares were messed up real bad. 

So I don't know I can help, but I DO understand,,,,I think what made me better with it FOR REAL was watching a show I think called Life In The ER,,,when I first started to watch it I had trouble especially when kids were on, but then I started to notice that they really can help with even the weirdest of things so if something were to happen to my husband or children I know these people are trained to handle it.  There are alot of things in this world I cant change so knowing that even if the worst of things happen doctors can help, and as far as the kidnapping,,just teach the children well, about strangers etc.  Our family uses a password, its been drilled in the kids heads that they go with NO ONE unless they know the password, and I don't care if its their grandmother, they don't go.  I Also insist that my daughter yell FIRE, and I DON'T KNOW YOU, until her voice gives out if someone were to ever just grab her.  I don't want to instill fear into my kids but this is the day and age we live in so I just want to make sure they are safe.  She has no fear though and she understands we just want to her to be safe, same reason they practice bomb drills and fire drills at her school, only this is for home. 

OK gotta run 

Nan 

I am 21 years old and have had a fear of vomitting for at least the past 12 years.  I've spent these years terrified that I'll get the stomach flu, food poisoning, etc. Its great because I dont ever over eat - but instead under eat - which leads to my next phobia - fainting.  I consider myself to be a very rational, smart, person. But these phobias have made me miss out on many events and relationships.  I am so afraid of vomitting that I dont eat any chicken or food near its expiry date.  I never try new foods. I bleach everything, wash my hands 20 times a day, do anything to keep myself from getting sick...also... 

In the past 6 months I've become afraid I'll faint - but I don't know why.  I've started skipping classes (i'm in my final year of university), calling in sick to work, not going out in public (malls, church etc).  I used to love shopping, my jobs, school etc. But now I'm so afraid I'll faint and will attract attention and be so embarassed that I just stopped doing all those things.  Its jeopordizing my relationships - friends think i've become a slacker at school, my parents don't like that I'm skipping church all the time.  Thoughts like "what if I faint right now?" and "who will help me? who will call 911? will anybody notice me or will I wake up here alone in a few hours?" plague my mind.  

Anybody have any suggestions?  The thought of graduation and being around all those people is terrifying me...even more scary is the thought of having to get a job and being around those people all the time...some days I think that if I were not alive it would be so less stressful...but i'm NOT suicidal - don't worry.