Home Message Boards

Topic : Fears, Phobias and Anxiety Disorders

Number of Replies: 776
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Thursday, July 07, 2005, 08:58:51 am
Author : dataimport
Do you have an irrational fear of flying, spiders, leaving your home, or one of a host of other fears? Do you suffer from anxiety or panic attacks? You're not alone. Join those who understand as we struggle to overcome our fears.

Anxiety Disorder Resources

Join the new Dr. Phil Community! Currently in BETA, the new Dr. Phil Community will allow you to personalize your message board experience. Start by creating your user profile here.

For help and FAQs on the new BETA Community, please click here.

 
cheekydee
User Mood
Good

Message Emote
blank
February 11, 2006, 4:21 am PST

Fears Passed On...

My mom instilled a lot of fears in me while my dad had an attitude of you can do anything..somehow i tapped more into my mom's fears.  There's a lot of things in childhood and teens that others did that i did not..i was more isolated than most friends my age and even things like riding a bike or skating or swimming i never learned.  Fears do not rule my life but i truly wish i could have done things differently ..even today i have a license but hardly drive the fear overcomes me.  It cramps your independence and also you tend to beat yourself up for not overcoming these fears when you see others even some with physcial disabilities who are not held back by anything..God bless them.  I did develop a social anxiety thru high school and my 20s even that prevented me from pursing a art career as i would actually shake and voice tremble to do any kind of speaking in public ..even to read a few lines.  I've always loved watching shows like Dr. Phil and all the talk shows thru the years and thankfully one day i heard about paxil and knew that could be an answer for me..It did help greatly heck i'm told now i don't shut up sometimes..lol.  Anyway compared to others my fears are not as restricting as many who have it so difficult that many are housebound and worse.  I wish them well..advise them to take baby steps out..get on the right meds and also one good thing to remember that i try to keep in mind.. as with my social anxiety problem..you'd be surprised how much people DONT think about you..i think we tend to think the spotlight is always focused on us..and we get so self conscience..most people are not so in tune with our every word or move..and to realie that might give us a little more courage to take some small steps outside your comfort zone. 

  

dee 
 
Reply with Quote Read Replies to this Message
cheekydee
User Mood
Good

Message Emote
worried
February 11, 2006, 4:45 am PST

Fears and Phobias

Quote From: texangirl5

My daughter won't leave her home.  This started about 1995.  If we want her included in family get-togethers we have to do it at her home.  I am so frustrated with this problem - because I can not solve this problem.  She will not go anywhere.  She is 29 years old this year.  I tried to get a doctor to go see her - they don't do that anymore.  I got her help tapes.  When she get sick ------ it is a big problem.  She has a boyfriend that moved in with her in 1997 - in 2000 she made him quit his job to stay home with her stating she can not be alone.  So my daughter and her boyfriend sit in the house 24 hours a day 7 days a week.  I have to go do all their errands shopping ect.  She has a chemical inbalance that causes the anxiety.  I do not know what to do.

Texan girl it sounds to me that this is much too difficult for her to overcome on her own.  You say u tried to get her to see a doctor and they dont do that anymore?? Well maybe your seeing a family doctor when she needs someone in the mental health area it sure doesn't sound right that something cannot be done be it with meds, behavioral therapy or whatever. If it is a chemical imbalance that can be easily corrected as i see it.  Even if you cannot afford it please try looking into your local area's newspapers or hospital programs that might be able to help with a group therapy. I can understand it would be very difficult to get her to even go with her fears of going outside of the home but i'd try my best to urge her and give her confidence as she's still a young girl and i would hate to see her miss out on life.  Right now the fears are paralyzing her to seek help but with your and her boyfriends help..maybe making sure you or he go along with her..it might be time for you all to work together to at least try to urge her to some kind of help.  My thoughts go out to you and prayers as well..good luck and i do hope it gets better for her. 

  

dee 
 
Reply with Quote Read Replies to this Message
pinetree
User Mood
Peaceful

Message Emote
blank
February 11, 2006, 5:01 am PST

Fears Passed On By Mom

Quote From: cheekydee

My mom instilled a lot of fears in me while my dad had an attitude of you can do anything..somehow i tapped more into my mom's fears.  There's a lot of things in childhood and teens that others did that i did not..i was more isolated than most friends my age and even things like riding a bike or skating or swimming i never learned.  Fears do not rule my life but i truly wish i could have done things differently ..even today i have a license but hardly drive the fear overcomes me.  It cramps your independence and also you tend to beat yourself up for not overcoming these fears when you see others even some with physcial disabilities who are not held back by anything..God bless them.  I did develop a social anxiety thru high school and my 20s even that prevented me from pursing a art career as i would actually shake and voice tremble to do any kind of speaking in public ..even to read a few lines.  I've always loved watching shows like Dr. Phil and all the talk shows thru the years and thankfully one day i heard about paxil and knew that could be an answer for me..It did help greatly heck i'm told now i don't shut up sometimes..lol.  Anyway compared to others my fears are not as restricting as many who have it so difficult that many are housebound and worse.  I wish them well..advise them to take baby steps out..get on the right meds and also one good thing to remember that i try to keep in mind.. as with my social anxiety problem..you'd be surprised how much people DONT think about you..i think we tend to think the spotlight is always focused on us..and we get so self conscience..most people are not so in tune with our every word or move..and to realie that might give us a little more courage to take some small steps outside your comfort zone. 

  

dee 

  

Hi Dee,  

  

As my wife has suffered from bipolar disorder for over 45 years she pssed on a fear of everything to my son.  As a result he developed generalized anxiety disorder and agoraphobia.  These are a learned behavior.  He suffered for 43 years before he overcame it using CBT.  I offer a free CBT course on line, if interested  click on my user name for more information.  

  

Pat 
 
Reply with Quote Read Replies to this Message
tbrown937
User Mood
Mellow

Message Emote
blank
February 11, 2006, 8:24 am PST

Fear of Birds

Hi everyone! 

  

Glad to take part in a discussion that others can relate to. I have a terrible fear of birds, so bad that I have stopped my car because of a flock of birds passing by. I am 31 yrs old and my fear has progressively gotten worse as I have gotten older. Is there anyone who shares this fear, and if so how do you cope? If not, do you have any suggestions? Thanx so much!!!! 
 
Reply with Quote Read Replies to this Message
cinndot

Message Emote
blank
February 11, 2006, 11:15 am PST

You can overcome

Quote From: freebird

I too suffered panic attacks and paralyzing fear for over five years after being a victim of kidnapping and attempted murder by a man I left after a bad relationship. I hid myself away behind closed curtains for years, only venturing outside when I had someone with me. I never spoke to people I didn't know, and I would sweat uncontrollably when I was left alone with a male in a waitingroom, queue or elevator. I was medicated (and still am on anti-depressants) and eventually institutionalised. I didn't take a step forward until the man who assaulted me was jailed, which was when I moved to another State and changed my name. When I changed my "identity" I kept telling myself that the old me had been left behind in the last town. I got a job, made some friends and finally started to live in the "outside" again. That sounds easy huh? Not so. It's baby steps every day. And five years of baby steps amount to a whole hang of a lot of steps. The nightmares still happen frequently, but I'm learning to overcome those. I still stop breathing everytime I see someone who looks similar to my attacker, but I'm slowly starting to listen to the rational side of my consciousness that tells me they aren't the same person. It's a long slow process, but it really can happen. We can only be victims if we allow it. I don't like the "victim" tag. I prefer to now think of myself as a survivor. I overcame something and went on to become stronger than I was before. You can too. Find your smiles again and hang on to them, for nobody can take those away from us unless we let them.
 I too suffered from panic attacks when I was in college.  I would have to sit right next to the door so that I could get out if I felt I was going to fall out of my chair from anxiety.  It's unreal what your mind can tell you and you believe.  Well, I found out from my Dr. that just anxiety had been building up in me for a long time and that my body had to get rid of it and this is what happened.  It took a year on Xanax and therapy every week and slowly I learned to trust what my doctor was telling me and I was able to get through it and off the meds.  I hope this helps.
 
Reply with Quote Read Replies to this Message
sheltie2
User Mood
Cheerful

Message Emote
blank
February 11, 2006, 2:01 pm PST

Don't give up on your daughter!

Quote From: texangirl5

My daughter won't leave her home.  This started about 1995.  If we want her included in family get-togethers we have to do it at her home.  I am so frustrated with this problem - because I can not solve this problem.  She will not go anywhere.  She is 29 years old this year.  I tried to get a doctor to go see her - they don't do that anymore.  I got her help tapes.  When she get sick ------ it is a big problem.  She has a boyfriend that moved in with her in 1997 - in 2000 she made him quit his job to stay home with her stating she can not be alone.  So my daughter and her boyfriend sit in the house 24 hours a day 7 days a week.  I have to go do all their errands shopping ect.  She has a chemical inbalance that causes the anxiety.  I do not know what to do.

This sounds so much like the story of a woman on the Dr. Phil show sometime within the past year. If I remember correctly Dr. Phil was talking to her via satellite as she couldn't make the trip to California. She also had her boyfriend quit his job and stay home with her 24/7. I'm sure Dr. Phil sent someone to her home to help.  There must be someone in your city that could help. Maybe try calling a behavioral/mental health center. I don't know what kind of doctor you talked to, but  I can't imagine that she is the only one in your town that has been through this. Surely someone has to make a house call in this type of situation. Don't give up.   
 
Reply with Quote Read Replies to this Message
sheltie2
User Mood
Cheerful

Message Emote
blank
February 11, 2006, 2:16 pm PST

Fears and Phobias

Quote From: jessemae

I'm not sure if everyone has a childhood item they hold onto or not, but, I have this blankie or so I  call it.. it really looks more like a rag now.. since I was born.  Every since I can remember I have carried it around and have slept with it.  This blankie has literally gone through every heartache and every joy in my life.  Growing up my siblings have always tried to hide it from me as if it were some kind of joke, I would get extremely upset and would not be able to sleep until I found it or they gave up and gave it back to me.  As I got older I think my parents started worrying a little bit about when I was going to let this blankie go and worrying about my attatchment to it in general.  When I was in elementary school I would take it with me often in my backpack so incase I needed it.  Then as I got into Junior High I would stash it in my locker during the day.  When I started driving I would take it with me everywhere in my truck.  One day I was at a gas station and I guess it fell out and I hadn't noticed.  That night, I could not find my blankie and I thought it was forever lost I had never been so sad in my entire life.  I looked for it for 3 days driving around to every place I had been.. and I found it.  Since then, I no longer take it with me in my vehicle.  But now I have developed this fear of losing it, or not having it in general.  My blankie is the first thing I look for when I come home from anywhere and it stays in my sight always.  My fear is letting go.  I have recently started noticing that this fear is not only with my blankie but with many things in my life, martialistically, emotionally, and financially.  I also fear change.  My blankie has been the one thing in my life that has remained completely constant.  Now that I am nearing the age of 21 I am starting to wonder myself just exactly how long I am going to hold on to this blankie, or if I will ever be able to put it away.  I also wonder if other people have ever felt this attatched to such an object.  Is this behavior healthy? Is it harmless? 
I remember Dr. Phil having a gal on the show that was around your age. She too had a blankie. He recommended relaxation technics to help her fall asleep without her blankie. I believe that the Dr. Lawlis that he has frequent the show has created a cd to listen to if I'm not mistaken. Maybe do a Google search for Dr. Frank Lawlis to see if he has a website. I have learned that these fears/phobias stem from fear of losing control.  Something to consider.
 
Reply with Quote Read Replies to this Message
skyeyesmom
User Mood
Mellow

Message Emote
giddy
February 11, 2006, 6:25 pm PST

Does breathing work for you?

I noticed there are sooooo many of us with the same problem,,,LOL maybe we are "Normal" and everyone else isn't,,ha-ha well just a thought to make me feel better.    

  

 I have come to terms with the fact that I have a fear of leaving my "Safety Zone"  So I called some of my friends and family I have been blowing off big time and told them why straight out no beating around the bush, everyone was surprisingly supportive at my my attempt to want to be better.   

  

So I don't know how or why but I had this uncontrollable urge to want to go to the drug store up the street ,,maybe 3 blocks ALONE and I DROVE.  I actually made it there with the music so loud the whole neighborhood probably thought I was off my rocker but oh well.  When I got in to the store all was going well, people were very responsive with the good mornings etc, so it kinda took my mind off it.  Then I went to stand in line and there were 2 people in front of me and I nearly lost it thinking C'mon people I cant stand here or I will freak out.  WHEW I didn't, I ran to my car and drove right home... I was so exhausted I had to take a nap.  While I was napping I guess my hubby was being hubby of the year, so he called the family and friends that knew about my problem and told them what I had accomplished and every one of them called back later and congratulated me on my first step.  It was so weird I felt like a toddler must feel the first time they go on the potty and everyone gets excited.  I am so looking forward to more adventures,,,lol maybe more than 3 blocks next time.    

  

Oh and I have a question.. when I first started to feel anxious waiting in line I tried that whole breathing thing  people always recommend,,,,I don't think I can breath, it kinda made it worse like I heard my heart beat even louder than usual, and I felt all light headed,,,has this happened to anyone else who attempted a breathing technique??,,the one I used was deep breath in and hold for a few seconds so your blood absorbs the oxygen or whatever. 

  

Bye for now 

Nan 
 
Reply with Quote Read Replies to this Message
beverlyc
User Mood
Good

Message Emote
blank
February 11, 2006, 7:19 pm PST

I had planned to be annomous on this board,

however, since I am on other boards for some reason it wouldn't let me change my username. This must be a sign. This is the first time I have posted here. I have stayed away mostly because I haven't wanted to talk about what I deal with as I am unaccepting of this in me. I have decided that maybe there are people here who either I could help with what I have learned and have a place to come where someone might understand how I feel. Coming here is very difficult for me, I feel unsafe (I don't know anyone) and do not like to expose myself and I hide this for so many years. I must sound very arrigant. I don't think I am, I do think I expect more of myself than I do of others. Here is my story: I was brought up by a mother who had phobia (called allergies), anxiety disorder (called anger caused mostly by me) for a while aggoriphobia (never explaned) and depression (not understood until I was an adult). When at a young age I was afraid of what my mother was, I knew it was fear, not allergies, therefore I felt weak since it was not allergies. When I was 16yrs old I made up my mind this was not something I would accept in myself, being like my mother. I had no one to talk to but started working on each fear one by one, it took years of work, faking, determination, experimenting and pretending, finally most of my fears I have control of, not all, but most of them. Anxiety disorder, panic attacks and aggoraphobia were just not accepted. Panic attack, anxiety disorders and depression were PMS, my personality or someone elses fault. I ignored my Phobia as my weakness. Since I didn't want to be like my mother, I did everything with my girls with or without fear. No one knew how difficult my life was. Since I didn't accept that I had these problems, would not allow myself to act on these problems, I gritted my teeth and white knuckled my way through life. Then in 1994 I lived 1 1/4 mile from the earthquake in Northridge. In those few seconds as I tried to save my 4 teens alone (husband was in China, of course) my whole life turned upside down. It took 8 mos. but I was diagnosed with PTS, aggoraphobia, panic attacks and anxiety disorder. As I learned about each of these disorders and with professional help to work on them, I figured out that I had had these all my life but thought it was my weaknesses. I never knew there was a name to what I had been feeling. The problem was I had had control, now it had control of me. I have been fighting ever since. In 1995 my girls moved out and we moved to Big Bear Lake a small mountain resort we traveled in an RV in winter, sometimes I didn't leave the RV other time gritted my teeth and did things. After 4 yrs my husband wanted to live on the road as full timers. I couldn't, I just couldn't. So he left frustrated with me for being so weak etc. My father had Parkinsons, my mother didn't want to care for him. So I spent the next over 6 yrs. taking care of my mother and father. Dad died in Dec. 2003, mother died last March 2005. Living with and taking care of my parents made it easy to not leave or go out. When I did it took so much out of me physically, but there were doctor appts. etc. Both my parents died in their home and in their room which was what I wanted for them and what they wanted. However, I paid a high price for doing it, I was a wreck. I kept my Big Bear home and bought a new home in a small community. .. The story is almost over.... However, now I have no purpose in life and all my anxiety and aggoraphobia has reentered my life with a vengence. I am able to do things when I have my grandkids, because I do not (as I did my girls) want them to see me as a weak person. Since I have no purpose, I now give in to my aggoraphobia unless I must go out. Just going for a walk takes so much out of me. I am now in therapy. I understand what each of you feel as I have dealt and fight with them for over 50 yrs. I do not know what my story can do for anyone. Except to know that you can live with it and with help, determination and work you can get past this. I have learned much over the years. What has worked for me, what hasn't or I can just listen and be a shoulder to lean on. I hope that you will know that I understand and want to be here for you. LOL Bev
 
Reply with Quote Read Replies to this Message
beverlyc
User Mood
Good

Message Emote
blank
February 11, 2006, 7:48 pm PST

HI NAN, I too HATE stores, markets etc.

Quote From: skyeyesmom

I noticed there are sooooo many of us with the same problem,,,LOL maybe we are "Normal" and everyone else isn't,,ha-ha well just a thought to make me feel better.    

  

 I have come to terms with the fact that I have a fear of leaving my "Safety Zone"  So I called some of my friends and family I have been blowing off big time and told them why straight out no beating around the bush, everyone was surprisingly supportive at my my attempt to want to be better.   

  

So I don't know how or why but I had this uncontrollable urge to want to go to the drug store up the street ,,maybe 3 blocks ALONE and I DROVE.  I actually made it there with the music so loud the whole neighborhood probably thought I was off my rocker but oh well.  When I got in to the store all was going well, people were very responsive with the good mornings etc, so it kinda took my mind off it.  Then I went to stand in line and there were 2 people in front of me and I nearly lost it thinking C'mon people I cant stand here or I will freak out.  WHEW I didn't, I ran to my car and drove right home... I was so exhausted I had to take a nap.  While I was napping I guess my hubby was being hubby of the year, so he called the family and friends that knew about my problem and told them what I had accomplished and every one of them called back later and congratulated me on my first step.  It was so weird I felt like a toddler must feel the first time they go on the potty and everyone gets excited.  I am so looking forward to more adventures,,,lol maybe more than 3 blocks next time.    

  

Oh and I have a question.. when I first started to feel anxious waiting in line I tried that whole breathing thing  people always recommend,,,,I don't think I can breath, it kinda made it worse like I heard my heart beat even louder than usual, and I felt all light headed,,,has this happened to anyone else who attempted a breathing technique??,,the one I used was deep breath in and hold for a few seconds so your blood absorbs the oxygen or whatever. 

  

Bye for now 

Nan 

FIRST OF ALL CONGRATULATIONS!! And I am happy that your family and friends are understanding my family was not. I sometimes think I do stop breathing as I too feel light headed. As for the breathing, instead of holding your breath, try taking a very deep deep breath and just let it out. You may have been breathing more shallow than you thought. The lungs are like tiny sponges that absorbs air, when you breath very deep they all fill up, like a sponge. When you breath shallow, too fast or hold it too long that is when you hear your heart beat. I found that in high anxiety times holding my breath was too difficult, but slowly taking a deep breath and slowly let it out, but not too slowly. The whole time I am in an "unsafe" place I take deep slow breaths so that I do not breath too shallow because then when I take a deep breath I will feel light headed. It is important to remember to breath deep and slow when we are in an unsafe place the whole time we are there. I learned that the hard way. Before you go on your excursion do deep breathing. During the day when you are calm, take time to take deep slow breaths. It helps because your body learns to do it automaticly therefore you do not have to always think about breathing. That is what I am working on now. It is relaxing and gives you some "ME" time. Hope you find this helpful. LOL Bev
 
Reply with Quote Read Replies to this Message
Post a Message

First | Prev | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | Next | Last