Topic : Fears, Phobias and Anxiety Disorders

I grew up being afraid of practically everything - heights, dark, being alone, flying, public speaking, and (probably the biggest) water - and large toothy things that live in water.  I even failed a semester of PE in high school because I wouldn't put my face in the pool.  I was so timid that my nickname was "Mousie."  I always knew that everyone was laughing at me because I was afraid of the world and that only made me that much worse.  When I was in college, I decided that I'd had enough.  I started by forcing myself to take a speech class and then move on to speech competitions.  Flying still creeps me out but it's the only convenient way to get from one distant place to another but the worst trip was trying to steel my nerves to make a trip to Hong Kong the day after the Russians shot down Flight 007 out of Anchorage into Seoul on Korean Airlines.  We were booked on the same flight, the crew were all wearing black mourning bands.  It was too spooky for words.  But we got there.  I figured if I could get my legs to walk onto that plane that my flying fears would be over.  Of course they're not, but at least now I don't have to take Valium before I fly.  Of course I still can't get on a ladder.  I finally got over my fear of darkness and being alone after my husband started taking a night class and I nearly went crazy for the firt few weeks.  Gradually it just went away.  Now he travels as much as 46 weeks a year, so I have to be alone and I rarely even think about it any more.  Then there was the big one - water.  The first time my husband tried to take me snorkeling, I had a panic attack and had to go straight back to shore.  But he REALLY wanted to take up scuba diving as a hobby.  I figured that I at least owed it to him to try we had been through a lot together,(especially after I was diagnosed with MS) and he had always been totally supportive.  I didn't think I would ever get through the class, but somehow, bit by bit, with a very patient instructor, i got my certification.  A year later I got my divemaster card - I'm probably the only divemaster in the world who fulfilled their swimming qualification by doing 32 lengths of elemetary backstroke because I wouldn't put my face in the water without my scuba gear.  Then we got to the things with big teeth.  It's hard to find good places to scuba that aren't inhabited by sharks.  We managed nicely for a couple of years but then were in the Bahamas the night before one of my 40+ birthdays and I decided that it was time to take a "shark dive" where you sit on the ocean floor and watch a professional shark feeder.  I almost couldn't make myself get in the water but, then, I didn't want to look like an idiot either, so overboard I went.  It was awesome!  It was like watching an underwater ballet.  The sharks were only interested in what was in the bait can. They were totally nonthreatening and ignored us completely.  it was a life changing experience.  A few years later I decided that I wanted to teach classes about sharks so that other people would understand them better.  i went back to the Bahamas.  The night before the class, I started to freak.  My husband said that if I wanted, we could just spend a few days diving and go back home, no one would have to know about the class as we hadn't told anyone what we were doing.  But I knew I would never be able to live with myself if I gave up without trying.  So I spent 5 days in chainmail learning to take fish out of a bait can and hand them off to a group of 20-30 large, hungry sharks.  I did have one fracture my kneecap in her zealousness to get the fish, but they never tried to bite.  I even got to kiss one on the head - never on the lips!  I have now educated over 3000 people about these magnificent and misunderstood creatures.  

The point of all this is that, although I will always have fears, you can get over them if you just work on them little by little, the best way you can.  I really believe that people have an inner strength that they will only discover when the start pushing their limits, even if it's just a millimeter at a time.  You'll never know til you try and when you succeed, which you eventually will, your potential to enjoy life will be unlimited.  After all, if "Mousie" can do it, anybody can!  Good luck to all of you.   Jeanne  

Hi! 

I felt compelled to answer you. Check out this website: www.benzo.org.uk 

Be sure to read The Ashton Manual. I highlighted a lot of this for my family and luckily, after 10 long, exhausting years I feel almost normal. I still get anxiety, but not agoraphobic like before. Panic attacks -- I don't have to tell you how they feel. What I want to talk about is this...I am betting, through all my struggles and triumps, that you are just like me. If so, hopefully you will listen closely. I didn't "hear" what people told me before. I wish I had, because I needlessly struggled for so many years to end up doing what everyone told me to do in the first place....but I fought it with sayings like, "You just don't understand!" or "This isn't fair!!" or getting angry and depressed to the point where it messed up my ability to work.  

Get the book "The Road Less Traveled" by Peck. I highly recommend this book. I don't like to read and never could finish a self-help book...Anything you ever wanted to know about life and how to function in the world is in this book. I call it my owner's manual. Just about any public library has it. I have the 1980 version.  

Second, I've never matured in life. I didn't realize this 10 years ago. There's a lot I didn't realize. I continuously beat myself up about ANYTHING and played negative thoughts over and over in my mind. I've had counseling, seen psychiatrists, ERs, had congnitive and behavioral therapy, and a gamut of pills. I've tried exercise, eating right, sleeping more, anxiety and depression tapes, anything I could get my hands on....and still felt the same. So why was I still feeling exactly as you described? I've left groceries in my cart many a times and fleed. I've ran around the house thinking I could breathe better in one location more than another. I thought my life would never be the same again. Boy what a frightening feeling. I am so sorry you are going through this and I sure hope I can help you.  

What I didn't realize is I had the power to change my life. I thought I was destined to live the life I was dealt. I thought, "What's the use? There's no real hope. I don't have enough money, time, etc. I don't want to put my all in it and wind up disappointed. I give up. No one can help me. I've tried it all. Maybe the doctors are right -- keep taking pills -- maybe I will have to take them for the rest of my life. I don't have the energy, the resources. What is wrong with me? Doesn't anyone care??" 

Fortunately, after years of bad relationships, I stumbled upon an alcoholic. And I say "fortunately" because this changed my life 180 degrees. I joined my local Al-Anon program. It's a 12-step program for anyone affected by alcoholism in a family member or a friend. I urge you to call your local Al-Anon or AA to find a 12-step program in your area. There are programs that don't have to do with alcoholism too! There's CODA (co-dependent behavior), OA (over-eaters anonymous), etc. etc.  What these programs are designed to do is to help you (not anybody but you) change your behavior -- in a group setting with people having similar problems. It's a support group. I have a sponsor whom I can call. I have finally begun healing my childhood wounds which has caused the majority of my stress....not the actual events from my childhood as much as the behaviors that stem from it. I have been a very negative person, a very insecure, scared, ill-prepared for life, overly sensitive person. Well, I hope this helped you. I wish you the very best of luck and lots of support! Let me know how you're doing.....Stacie 

Hi Nicole,  

I posted a reply to another woman today (May 30, 2006). Perhaps it may help you? Best of luck,  

Stacie  

I have posted here before about this fear but never really got much respose. I was just looking through some posts on my lunch break and ran across quite a few with this fear. I am 31 years old and have had this my whole life. I had no idea there was a name for it! I have been in therapy and on meds. They have helped some, but the fear is still there. When I graduated from college, I went to work in a day care (not a good idea). On my third day I had to call in sick with a stomach bug. That is when it got really bad for me. When I was a child, I only worried about it when I actually didn't feel good or someone around me was sick. As an adult, after the day care stomach bug, I worried about it all the time. I stopped eating, sleeping, I washed my hands until they were raw. I read in someone's post that they couldn't go to sleep until their stomach growled. I was the same way. I knew I wouldn't be hungry if I was really sick. I would stay awake all night worrying that I was going to throw up.... until I felt hungy, and then I could go to sleep (or pass out, really). It finally starting interfering with my job (I was exhausted to being up all night). That is when I talked to my doctor. I thought for sure he would think I was a big idiot, but he was very supportive. I started taking Effexor (which took a lot for me becasue I am afraid of medicine making me throw up, too). This actually got rid of a lot of the anxiety and I started seeing a therapist as well. I have not thrown up since then. I have a 2 year old so I know the day will come. Anytime she or my husband are sick it is just horrible. I feel like it would be easier if I was sick! The anxiety and fear is debilitating. I have no idea where this fear came from for me. Support helps, too. My husband has always been very understanding, even though it makes no sense to him. He has never criticized me or made fun of me. All of my friends know, sometimes they make comments, but I don't think anyone, other than someone who has this fear, can possibly understand how it feels or what it does to you. Good luck to all the others with this and it is nice to know we are not alone!!  

Hi i am going to be 22 years old and my fear is (the dark). I have been afraid of the dark since i can remember. Like 6 yrs. ago when i lived with my parents my brother closed the door and turned of the lights i screamed so loud. They thought something happened to me. but i screamed because i was scared that was the first time they found out about it. They think that is very bad. when it starts raining i get candles and matches ready, just in case the light go of. when I'm getting ready to go to sleep i make sure every door is closed. When i lay down i always look at the door and see if someone is coming in.sometimes i cant sleep.i think its bad that i am 22 and afraid, i hate it so much. 

I am a new member and if someone needs someone to talk to about anything you can email me at estacindy@hotmail.com. I have been throw a lot of stuff , seen a lot of things, and going throw a lot of things write now. I would like to chat with someone...