Topic : Fears, Phobias and Anxiety Disorders

I am 24, married  right out of high school basicly, and have 1 daughter whos 3. I never finished high school do to some extremely poor decisions on my part,  the highest grade I ever got to was the first half of grade 12 and I feel like im going to be paying for these mistakes the rest of my life. My biggest fear is turning 30 and not having anything to show for it. Its totally consumed my life and turned me into a complete wreck. Ive chased all sorts of options and they always seem to fall short of me going back to school and I have been fighting as hard as I can to keep from waiting until my daughter is in school to start focusing on a college course because Im affraid I will have wasted so much time doing nothing and by the time Im 30 it will be a million times harder to get into a career that I enjoy and people that are younger then me will be advanced in the career and Ill always be trying to play catch up?  It bothers me to no end when family memebers {mostly my inlaws} only ever talk to me about my daughter and how shes advancing and learning new things, saying new things and then when theres nothing else to report the conversation is over. Like im just a shallow puddle that doesnt run any deeper.  I just want to be more then just "Chelsea's Mom." Im not the kind of person who is supposed to be sitting at home all day just raising children. So ya, theres my fear, someone please tell me im being unrealistic and im worring for nothing.

Hi, I am kind of embarassed to actually admit this on a message board but anonimity is great, right? I would like to see if anyone has had this and how they deal with it.

Over the past 20 yrs or so (except when I was married and had someone in the house with me), I have really been afraid of sleeping in the house alone.  I am fine when I'm awake but when I go to bed, I hear all kinds of noises and freak myself out. I say the rosary, tell myself I am safe, nothing is going to happen etc. - but every night now for quite a long time, I either have some wine or take Tylenol PM so I can go to sleep and hopefully sleep through the night.  My sleep schedule is all off, I know. I get exhausted by the middle of the day - seriously.

I know where this stems from and did see a therapist years about it. When I was 10,  we lived in a duplex house. My mother was a nurse and was on call that night at the hospital and I had been in the house alone, often. One night I woke up and there were police all around the house and all the neighbors were outside.  My mother and sister told me then that the neighbors in the other side of the duplex were robbed.  I only found out years, years later that the husband had beat the wife and the police came there for domestic violence.  However, I spent years in fear while my mother was at work, making sure the window blinds didn't have any cracks where anyone could look in and see me alone.  I was so afraid.  Even in my teens, when my mother would be at work at night, I used to push the sofa in front of the front door to barricade it. 

I then saw a therapist and it seemed to be better until earlier this year I received an obscene crank call and they said my name. So I felt they knew where I lived and was afraid. Ever since, all year, I am still afraid of being in the house sleeping alone. I'm fine while I'm awake. 

I would love, love to get over this and not be afraid. I know I live in a nice neighborhood but read the subdivision newsletter yesterday that listed last month's burglaries or thefts - that did not help. I do have an ADT alarm, pepper spray and a stun gun (need to get new batteries).  I know this sounds nuts but it's my daily reality.

If you have suggestions for me to deal with it, I would really appreciate it.  :) Thanks.....

It seems my hopes and dreams have left me.,And I know thats not the way it should be! Is there anyone out there to help me see, and bring out my ,dreams and bring them back home to me?   I loved to dance,sing play drums,I've played in Show bands 50's,music.I did all the acting,we acted out every song,,dressed the parts,and even chewed the bubble gum, I got into a very controlling relationship,and now I have no selfesteem left,I let him still my happy energy and I can't seem to get it back !!!??? Any positive input sure would help, tears are pouring down as I write..  God Bless any ideas ! Thanks a bunch Patti

hi,

things WILL get better! anxiety and phobias are a terrible thing to have to live with on a daily basis. I suggest maybe going to a therapist or psychologist to get to the root of the anxiety and work on your past. Psychatrists tend to focus more on the physical aspects of disorders rather then the root of them. I saw a therapist for about 3 years for terrible anxiety and I did alot of deep exploration about my past and family life and my anxiety is much better now, almost non-existant.

hang in there tho. i think once you can explore your past and the feelings you have toward it, and maybe be at peace with it, some of this anxiety will subside.

let me know if you'd like to talk about it more :)

good luck, things will get better!

oh i know exactly how you feel. i have been there before.

first of all, as far as reading the newspaper headlines, it REALLY helps to NOT expose yourself to anything that will make your anxiety worse! it will just feed that feeling! so try not to do that!

i think that maybe seeing a therapist will help. you said it helped, so maybe you should try again to really figure out what the root of this anxiety is.

since you have an ADT alarm, pepper spray and a stun gun... it sounds like IF someone came into your house there is NO WAY they'd harm you!!!!! you seem prepared!!! when i used to be afraid of things like that, it would help if i had some sort of protection incase anything happened.

it isnt an unrealistic fear, but it shouldnt keep you awake at night or interfere with your life. id try a councelor again. and realistically, IF someone happened to break into your home, they'd most likely want material possesions and not you. but its extremely unlikely since you are so well protected with the alarm system and all.

you can also ask your doctor about xanax or ativan. take one of those pills and all of your anxious thoughs will go away and you will be able to relax. or maybe an anti-depressant would help ease the thoughts too. talk to your doctor and maybe get on some medication.

there is hope! talk to ur doctor and maybe see a therapist again. until then, no one will break into your house.

let me know if you'd like to chat more about this, since i totally understand!

:)

hi Aranha,

dont think that those thoughts that cause the attack are silly, they are not. its just part of the disorder. i know the exact feeling your describing and it is extremely scary! my panic attacks would keep me awake at night also. it was terrible.

id recomend going to see a therapist to find out whats causing this to happen, and in the mean time, talk to your doctor about some medication. being on medication for anxiety and panic attacks helped me so much, i felt like a whole different person.

until you can do those things, try to relax about an hour before you go to bed. take a bath, do alot of deep breathing, do yoga, anything to help you calm down. and this may sound really really stupid but it helped me so much once. about 3 years ago when my anxiety was severe, i was trying to go to sleep once and i was on the verge of a panic attack. everytime a weird thought would come into my head, i pictured this cute little elf dancing around and really focused on it, and it made my thoughts go away.

its a really hard thing to deal with and live with everyday, believe me i know. get to a doctor asap and ask about medication. you cant keep letting this interrupt your life and schoolwork anymore! if it happens again try visualizing something peaceful or happy, hopefully that will help.

good luck, let me know what happens!

Rebecca,

PLEASE, DONT feel silly AT ALL. what your describing is not at all stupid or silly or childish. it IS an irrational thing to worry about, and it shouldnt effect your sleeping, but it is not at all stupid. many many people in the world have terrible anxiety and fears(just like yours). try to explain to your husband that this is something you cant currently control. I would recomend going to talk to your doctor. They will be able to prescribe some anti-anxiety medication for you so that this fear wont interrupt your sleeping and your life.

please dont feel stupid. many people experience the same thing you do. it has nothing to do with age or maturity, its just something in our brains that we can't easily control. go talk to your doctor, and you'll start feeling better soon :)

Good luck, you'll get past it!

I really liked what (  good luck, let me know what happens! ) had to say to you, are you taking any med's or drinking caffiene soda pop's before going to bed ?? If your watching T.V. in your room, try turning it down low and watch peaceful thing's, NOT all that drama !!  If you are taking med's be sure to be laying down ,Turn off T.V. after about five minutes, and turn lights off or down low, maybe try some very peaceful music.....  Just a few ideas I came up with after reading your letter..  I have a letter on here also,  I want my dreams back ,,,,  If you get a chance could you share your thoughts with me ???  Bless you -- If you need any ideas --- I'll sure try to help  ---  my name is Pattijo