I am writing today about a problem I am having with my son. He is 24 years old. He has such a fixation with a girl friend that it is ruining his life. Let me explain.
When he met this girl she was sweet and shy and has a son that is now 6 years old. My son got engaged to her very quickly. Because she is a single mom, she quailified for a habitat for humanity house, so they moved in together. My son is a fireman and he is trying to get hired with a paid department. About a year ago he got a job in Arizona. ( we live in Montana) So he packed up his things and went to Arizona. The girl friend never did understand his obsession with the fire services. Jumping up in the night to go save someone from a car wreck, running off to a fire when the pager went off. So when he went to AZ, she took it as he had abandond her. Even tho' they had talked about all of it. He even told her, let me go down and see how this is going to work and then you can come down. She was such a mess over his leaving, that she called and whinned and cried until my son lost his PAID fire job. So he came home. When he got home, she stated harassing him about getting another fire job. Having a fire job was not good enogh, but not having one wasn't good enough either. So the opportunity presented it's self that he could go out on a wildland truck and be the engine boss. So away he went again. While he was gone, she found another boyfriend and called my son while he was on the fire and told him she has feelings for someone else. He was hundreds of miles away and couldn't come home. So when he did return. He moved out of her house and moved home until he could find an apartment. My husband and I have a small construction company,so we gave him a job in an effort to help him get back on his feet.
Since the day she called andsaid she had a new boy friend, our son has just been crazy. He can't leave her alone. He still calls her all the time. But the problem is, if he doesn't call her, she calls him. But when she call him, its nothing but pick pick pick. But our son will put up wiith any kind of abuse she dishes out. My son has spent whole pay checks on taking her on a trip, just to have her get home and say thanks, now go away. He has done this several times. I now have creditors calling my office looking for him. He was spending all his money on her and did not take care of his bills etc. And yes, this is all the while she has another boy friend. They go on these trips when the other boyfriend is gone for the weekend or something like that. Everyone we know including us has tried to get him to leave her alone. Change his cell phone number, don't call her, don't answer the phone if she calls you etc etc. We have tried everything. But he will not listen, He just has to get her back. Last week, he was having one of his powty days at work, so my husband sent him home to get his act together. He came back to my office a few hours later, in a total mess, he was threatening suicide and begging me to help him..(he had had lunch that afternoon with the girl friend) So I took him to the hospital and had him committed to the psych ward. They determined, because of the threats of suicide that he needed to go into a group home. So away he went to the group home . In the home, he talked to a therepist every day, he had no contact with the girl friend, she was put on a list of people he could not see. Well our son is very charming and he fooled the people at the home into thinking that after a couple days, he could handle his life again and he wanted out, so the doctor released him. He came back to work and we were willing to give him another chance. But it only took 3 days, He talked to the girlfriend at noon yesterday ( which my son denies) he had another powty day at work, so my husband fired him. He left in a big up roar, he slammed doors, threw office chairs and left skid marks out of the dirveway. He came back 4 different times to return all the tshirts and things we had given him.
All this up and down and emotional drama has been going on for almost a year now. We have now fired our son 3 times. Each time he comes back and begs to get his job back. We are trying very hard to keep our family together, so we let him come back, each time he promises to do better and each time he lets us down. We are paying him to wash trucks and sweep the floor, he does not produce anything that we can charge for. If my husband gives him a project to work on, The ohter guys in the shop end up helping him, because our son is so help less and the only thoughts he has all day is how he is going to get the girlfriend back. He is not thinking about work or what needs to be done. So then we end up paying 2 people to do one job. and the job the other person was doing doesn't get done, because they stopped to help our son.
We are at our wits end. We don't know what to do for him or about him. We would rather have him go away than deal with him. But we are trying very hard to not go there. But, because we are trying so hard, our son can see that and takes advantage. Our son is seeing a therapist, because of being in the home, But they let him go for a week with no contact. I feel he needs to been seen every day. Our son has an appointment later today with the therepist. I am trying to get in before my son has his appointment, so that I can explain some of the drama to the Doctor. I am sure my son has only told them some of it. This is another pattern he has, tell them what they want to here and nothing more. He does not get real , because then they will tell him what all of us have told him........Leave her alone. Even last night as we were talking andhe was begging for his job back, we toldhim, give it up. His response was "just like that?" He doesn't get it.
If anyone has any suggestions, I am all ears. I don't know what else to do. I don't want to black ball him and never speak to him again, but that is my last option at this point. Our son is ruining our life, our business and now my husband and I are having a hard time gettting through our day, because we are so tired from fighting with him andthe worry it causes. We don't handle everyday situations very well,because we are already upset over this. Our son is just turning everyone and everhting he comes in contact with upside down;. All over a girlfriend he can't give up.
