Topic : How Childhood Abuse Still Affects Me
Join the new Dr. Phil Community! Currently in BETA, the new Dr. Phil Community will allow you to personalize your message board experience. Start by creating your user profile here.
For help and FAQs on the new BETA Community, please click here.
|
July 8, 2008, 10:54 pm PDT
 Quote From: rlnash Sarah, How's it going? Monday was hard on me as usual. Especially after a long weekend. I pretty much did housework then went back to bed. This is no existence. Know what I mean?
It made me wonder as to what it will be like when I'm in my house. Will I get out? Or will I just hang out with my poochie dog? I would like to think I would have a "normal" life, at least by my standards, but we'll see.
I felt sooo bad yesterday that I left a message on my doctor's machine that he's going to have to add or go up on something. He had said three weeks ago he was going to add something new, but never did. I guess it's time I start sharing some horror stories with him. I've been holding off to see if I could trust him or not - maybe he's been doing the same. Some of the things I've never told anyone, so I'll probably wait on those details, but the ones that I had shared with my psychologist before, but haven't told this doctor, I guess I could tell and see his response.
I'm glad you went out on the fourth with your friend. You needed to do that. I know the girls had fun, too! (Even if you did get your booty wet!!!) :>)
Well, I'd better go. I have to get out of the house today to run some errands, so I'd better go prepare!!! Renee' Hey Renee'
Wow, your Fourth of July sounds interesting. That would be nasty to be around all the drunk, stoned dirty dancers. Eww. I'm glad there wasn't any of that going on in the park where I was with my kids.
I'm still thinking on the anniversary gift for my husband. It's just ten days away now, so I'd better hurry up and figure something out. All of my immediate family lives in MT, but most of them are in a town about 300 miles from where I live. My husband's whole family lives in this town, but they don't like to babysit. They used to love to watch our three-year-old, but since our second daughter was born, they just seem to think they can't handle two kids. :p My friend is great with my kids, and likes watching them once in a while, but she's been really busy lately.
I hope today was better than Monday. What is it about Monday's that's so difficult? I hope your doctor can help you feel better. I will just have to pray extra for you on Mondays, I guess. :)
This weekend I might be going to an arts/crafts/junk sale in a park. I go with my mother-in-law every year, and it's usually pretty fun. They usually have clothing for sale there, and I'm hoping I might be able to find something. I'm trying to make a belly dancing costume for my anniversary, but maybe I could find something that would work with it at the sale in the park. Of course, if my husband decides to come with us, I'll have to be extra sneaky about buying anything like that.
A lady I know suggested putting together a photo story book of our life together. I really like that idea. I need to look through our photos and see if there's something I could work out. I think the pictures would be fairly easy, but thinking of what to say about each picture would require a lot more creativity.
I'll let you know what I decide to do, and how it works out. Hope your week is going better.
Talk to you later, Sarah |
|
|
July 9, 2008, 7:00 am PDT
Quote From: hiddenheart Hey Renee'
Wow, your Fourth of July sounds interesting. That would be nasty to be around all the drunk, stoned dirty dancers. Eww. I'm glad there wasn't any of that going on in the park where I was with my kids.
I'm still thinking on the anniversary gift for my husband. It's just ten days away now, so I'd better hurry up and figure something out. All of my immediate family lives in MT, but most of them are in a town about 300 miles from where I live. My husband's whole family lives in this town, but they don't like to babysit. They used to love to watch our three-year-old, but since our second daughter was born, they just seem to think they can't handle two kids. :p My friend is great with my kids, and likes watching them once in a while, but she's been really busy lately.
I hope today was better than Monday. What is it about Monday's that's so difficult? I hope your doctor can help you feel better. I will just have to pray extra for you on Mondays, I guess. :)
This weekend I might be going to an arts/crafts/junk sale in a park. I go with my mother-in-law every year, and it's usually pretty fun. They usually have clothing for sale there, and I'm hoping I might be able to find something. I'm trying to make a belly dancing costume for my anniversary, but maybe I could find something that would work with it at the sale in the park. Of course, if my husband decides to come with us, I'll have to be extra sneaky about buying anything like that.
A lady I know suggested putting together a photo story book of our life together. I really like that idea. I need to look through our photos and see if there's something I could work out. I think the pictures would be fairly easy, but thinking of what to say about each picture would require a lot more creativity.
I'll let you know what I decide to do, and how it works out. Hope your week is going better.
Talk to you later, Sarah Hey!
I've been trying to think of something for you to give your husband, but most of my ideas need the girls out of the house!! (his favorite dinner by candle light, favorite movie, etc.) I liked the belly dancing idea!! You go girl!!!
I left notes leading to each other (scavenger hunt style) until my ex made it to his gift. Don't remember what it was though.
If you have a picture of the two of you, you could frame it and put one of each of your girls on each side.
You could make a hug, kiss, snuggle book - you know, I owe you one free hug for....., you get one free kiss for being my main squeeze today..........., make up as many as you can, put them together in a book, then he just pulls one out at his leisure!!
Oh well, I'll keep thinking. You could crochet you a nightie!!! He could unravel it with his teeth!!! Hee hee :oO!!!! That would be one present he'd never forget!!
Monday's are hard on me I think because I've held it together for two or more days, and I'm exhausted mentally and emotionally by Monday. I can't function. Nor do I want to function. Today is not too bad yet - but, I go to my doctor in 2 1/2 hours and I feel there's some things I need to go ahead and tell him. UUgghh. I hate this - I hate what my family did to me - among other people in my life. I just want to be "normal" for one week. No pain, no hurt, no screaming in my head. Well, better go and get ready. By the way, I sign off on my final "pick outs" for my house today!! One week ahead of schedule!! They are supposed to pour concrete footings today!! Bring on November! Hang in there kiddo! Love, Renee'
|
|
|
July 9, 2008, 12:26 pm PDT
Quote From: rlnash Hey!
I've been trying to think of something for you to give your husband, but most of my ideas need the girls out of the house!! (his favorite dinner by candle light, favorite movie, etc.) I liked the belly dancing idea!! You go girl!!!
I left notes leading to each other (scavenger hunt style) until my ex made it to his gift. Don't remember what it was though.
If you have a picture of the two of you, you could frame it and put one of each of your girls on each side.
You could make a hug, kiss, snuggle book - you know, I owe you one free hug for....., you get one free kiss for being my main squeeze today..........., make up as many as you can, put them together in a book, then he just pulls one out at his leisure!!
Oh well, I'll keep thinking. You could crochet you a nightie!!! He could unravel it with his teeth!!! Hee hee :oO!!!! That would be one present he'd never forget!!
Monday's are hard on me I think because I've held it together for two or more days, and I'm exhausted mentally and emotionally by Monday. I can't function. Nor do I want to function. Today is not too bad yet - but, I go to my doctor in 2 1/2 hours and I feel there's some things I need to go ahead and tell him. UUgghh. I hate this - I hate what my family did to me - among other people in my life. I just want to be "normal" for one week. No pain, no hurt, no screaming in my head. Well, better go and get ready. By the way, I sign off on my final "pick outs" for my house today!! One week ahead of schedule!! They are supposed to pour concrete footings today!! Bring on November! Hang in there kiddo! Love, Renee'
Hey, Sarah-
Well, I'm back from my doctor's appt. for this week. I really cried a river this week. I told him how I didn't cry any other time, but when I'm at my appt. - go figure. I told him about things that had happened here this weekend and how I felt like it tied into something that had happened 13 years ago - or at least the emotions were the same. He explained what he thought, too.
I told him I was going to start telling him about me - really telling him so he could help me to understand what went wrong, or what I did that was so incredibly bad to have been treated the way I was. I told him the best way I knew to go about it was to say each year of my life is a journal and each journal is divided into chapters - some more than others - some more painful than others. He agreed to that. I don't think he's prepared to hear about some of the stuff I have to say that happened to me - it's never crossed my lips, but I'm tired of the nightmares and the pain night after night. I've even started cutting again, and it had been a long time since I have done that.
What I have is major depressive disorder, which would be bad enough without having to deal with what I've gone through all through my life, but he said it is called refactory, which means it is treatment resistant. I'm on one drug, but he's going to try to add a new one. Remember the last one only lasted a week before I was crawling out of my skin. I've already had electric shock therapy (2006) 6 unilateral ones and 3 bilateral ones. Apparently, they didn't work. But, I have read that you need to have regular follow up shock treatments for them to be effective long term.
You'll never believe who called yesterday when I was gone - yep- my preacher. He didn't really leave a message other than he'd try to call today. Something must have happened, know what I mean? Right now, I really don't care anymore. Everyone from Arkansas have dropped off the face of the planet - that's how I feel they treated me. I became ill, had to leave, so "poof" Renee' s out of our minds! Let's never call her, email her, or write her - she's just gone.
I'm so sorry Sarah, I just feel so bad right now. I'm going to go & let you have some peace and quiet. Thanks for reading - your and my psychiatrist are my only friends! Renee'
Another one of my problems is that I'm on several kinds of meds for other medical problems. So, the interaction between them can cause a problem. |
|
|
July 9, 2008, 12:28 pm PDT
Quote From: rlnash Hey, Sarah-
Well, I'm back from my doctor's appt. for this week. I really cried a river this week. I told him how I didn't cry any other time, but when I'm at my appt. - go figure. I told him about things that had happened here this weekend and how I felt like it tied into something that had happened 13 years ago - or at least the emotions were the same. He explained what he thought, too.
I told him I was going to start telling him about me - really telling him so he could help me to understand what went wrong, or what I did that was so incredibly bad to have been treated the way I was. I told him the best way I knew to go about it was to say each year of my life is a journal and each journal is divided into chapters - some more than others - some more painful than others. He agreed to that. I don't think he's prepared to hear about some of the stuff I have to say that happened to me - it's never crossed my lips, but I'm tired of the nightmares and the pain night after night. I've even started cutting again, and it had been a long time since I have done that.
What I have is major depressive disorder, which would be bad enough without having to deal with what I've gone through all through my life, but he said it is called refactory, which means it is treatment resistant. I'm on one drug, but he's going to try to add a new one. Remember the last one only lasted a week before I was crawling out of my skin. I've already had electric shock therapy (2006) 6 unilateral ones and 3 bilateral ones. Apparently, they didn't work. But, I have read that you need to have regular follow up shock treatments for them to be effective long term.
You'll never believe who called yesterday when I was gone - yep- my preacher. He didn't really leave a message other than he'd try to call today. Something must have happened, know what I mean? Right now, I really don't care anymore. Everyone from Arkansas have dropped off the face of the planet - that's how I feel they treated me. I became ill, had to leave, so "poof" Renee' s out of our minds! Let's never call her, email her, or write her - she's just gone.
I'm so sorry Sarah, I just feel so bad right now. I'm going to go & let you have some peace and quiet. Thanks for reading - your and my psychiatrist are my only friends! Renee'
Another one of my problems is that I'm on several kinds of meds for other medical problems. So, the interaction between them can cause a problem. Something happened in that last post. The last part goes somewhere else in the letter! Sorry! |
|
|
July 10, 2008, 11:26 pm PDT
Quote From: rlnash Hey!
I've been trying to think of something for you to give your husband, but most of my ideas need the girls out of the house!! (his favorite dinner by candle light, favorite movie, etc.) I liked the belly dancing idea!! You go girl!!!
I left notes leading to each other (scavenger hunt style) until my ex made it to his gift. Don't remember what it was though.
If you have a picture of the two of you, you could frame it and put one of each of your girls on each side.
You could make a hug, kiss, snuggle book - you know, I owe you one free hug for....., you get one free kiss for being my main squeeze today..........., make up as many as you can, put them together in a book, then he just pulls one out at his leisure!!
Oh well, I'll keep thinking. You could crochet you a nightie!!! He could unravel it with his teeth!!! Hee hee :oO!!!! That would be one present he'd never forget!!
Monday's are hard on me I think because I've held it together for two or more days, and I'm exhausted mentally and emotionally by Monday. I can't function. Nor do I want to function. Today is not too bad yet - but, I go to my doctor in 2 1/2 hours and I feel there's some things I need to go ahead and tell him. UUgghh. I hate this - I hate what my family did to me - among other people in my life. I just want to be "normal" for one week. No pain, no hurt, no screaming in my head. Well, better go and get ready. By the way, I sign off on my final "pick outs" for my house today!! One week ahead of schedule!! They are supposed to pour concrete footings today!! Bring on November! Hang in there kiddo! Love, Renee'
Hey Renee'
I like the crocheted nightie idea...Oh my! Hee hee. Maybe I could put on an ugly turtleneck(he hates those) and let him rip it off me. Lol. Actually, I started making a belly dancing costume, and it's coming together pretty nicely. I think I'll be able to get the costume done in time for our anniversary, but I'm not sure I'll have time to practice my dancing. :p Not that he'd care, though. He doesn't know how belly dancing moves are supposed to look, so if I do it wrong, it won't really matter. He'll still be impressed. I think the costume alone would be enough to impress him. It's practically see-through, and I think I'll draw a tattoo around my belly button with a fine point marker.
Anyway, congratulations on getting everything picked out for your house! And a week early?!?! Awesome! Now if only they could finish your house early and let you get moved in sooner. Maybe then Mondays won't be so bad. That totally makes sense how you would feel so exhausted on Mondays. Like you've had to hold everything in for two days, and then you just have to let it out. Maybe when you live on your own, you won't have to see THEM every weekend, and you won't have to waste all of your energy trying to be someone else to make them more comfortable. Jeez, maybe you'll even enjoy a weekend once in a while. ;)
I hope your appointment went well on Wednesday. Were you able to open up to the doctor? I hope it helped if you did. I'm sure it would be a hard thing to do, but it would also be hard to work through those things without talking about them. I'll still keep you in my prayers. Let me know how you're doing, OK?
Hope you have a good week, I'll talk to you more later. Sarah |
|
|
July 10, 2008, 11:44 pm PDT
Quote From: rlnash Hey, Sarah-
Well, I'm back from my doctor's appt. for this week. I really cried a river this week. I told him how I didn't cry any other time, but when I'm at my appt. - go figure. I told him about things that had happened here this weekend and how I felt like it tied into something that had happened 13 years ago - or at least the emotions were the same. He explained what he thought, too.
I told him I was going to start telling him about me - really telling him so he could help me to understand what went wrong, or what I did that was so incredibly bad to have been treated the way I was. I told him the best way I knew to go about it was to say each year of my life is a journal and each journal is divided into chapters - some more than others - some more painful than others. He agreed to that. I don't think he's prepared to hear about some of the stuff I have to say that happened to me - it's never crossed my lips, but I'm tired of the nightmares and the pain night after night. I've even started cutting again, and it had been a long time since I have done that.
What I have is major depressive disorder, which would be bad enough without having to deal with what I've gone through all through my life, but he said it is called refactory, which means it is treatment resistant. I'm on one drug, but he's going to try to add a new one. Remember the last one only lasted a week before I was crawling out of my skin. I've already had electric shock therapy (2006) 6 unilateral ones and 3 bilateral ones. Apparently, they didn't work. But, I have read that you need to have regular follow up shock treatments for them to be effective long term.
You'll never believe who called yesterday when I was gone - yep- my preacher. He didn't really leave a message other than he'd try to call today. Something must have happened, know what I mean? Right now, I really don't care anymore. Everyone from Arkansas have dropped off the face of the planet - that's how I feel they treated me. I became ill, had to leave, so "poof" Renee' s out of our minds! Let's never call her, email her, or write her - she's just gone.
I'm so sorry Sarah, I just feel so bad right now. I'm going to go & let you have some peace and quiet. Thanks for reading - your and my psychiatrist are my only friends! Renee'
Another one of my problems is that I'm on several kinds of meds for other medical problems. So, the interaction between them can cause a problem. Hey, Renee'
I didn't see this post before I started writing my last one. So I'll reply to this one too. I'm glad you started talking to your doctor more. What makes you think he's not ready to hear some of the things that have happened to you? Do you really think he couldn't handle hearing it, or is it just too hard for you to talk about? After all, he's specifically trained to help people get through the most horrible things in their lives, right? I mean, that's what a therapist is for, isn't it? Even if he's never heard a story as horrible as yours, he can't even try to help you with it if he doesn't know about it. I'm sure it would be scary to tell someone something painful about your past, especially if you've never spoken of it before. But, maybe the pain of talking about it will lead to healing. I hope you can work through this and find comfort and relief from the nightmares.
I think it could be a good thing that your preacher called you. Maybe God told him that you needed someone to be there for you. Maybe your preacher can pray for you too, and help you by being there to talk, or just listen. I hope he calls back and the two of you can have a good talk.
I'll keep you in my prayers, Sarah |
|
|
July 11, 2008, 2:55 pm PDT
Quote From: hiddenheart Hey, Renee'
I didn't see this post before I started writing my last one. So I'll reply to this one too. I'm glad you started talking to your doctor more. What makes you think he's not ready to hear some of the things that have happened to you? Do you really think he couldn't handle hearing it, or is it just too hard for you to talk about? After all, he's specifically trained to help people get through the most horrible things in their lives, right? I mean, that's what a therapist is for, isn't it? Even if he's never heard a story as horrible as yours, he can't even try to help you with it if he doesn't know about it. I'm sure it would be scary to tell someone something painful about your past, especially if you've never spoken of it before. But, maybe the pain of talking about it will lead to healing. I hope you can work through this and find comfort and relief from the nightmares.
I think it could be a good thing that your preacher called you. Maybe God told him that you needed someone to be there for you. Maybe your preacher can pray for you too, and help you by being there to talk, or just listen. I hope he calls back and the two of you can have a good talk.
I'll keep you in my prayers, Sarah Hey , Sarah
The belly dancing idea sounds great! You might can get a Henna pen or temp. tattoo's in the craft section of Wal Mart & you could fancy it right up!!!
Yes, I know my doctor is trained in the area of what I need to tell him and probably won't be in the least shocked to hear what I have to say. He's very compassionate, but not to the point of being unprofessional. He doesn't push me, unless he can tell I'm in the mind frame to be pushed, and he doesn't want me to reveal anything unless I feel telling him will help me in some way, instead of just flapping my lips.
I told him I just want to understand why these things happened, why they have hung onto me daily everyday of my life and how to deal with the memories and get past all of the past! Also, how to learn how to deal with the present and possibly even look forward to the future instead of dreading it. I went very deep into my emotions at the last appointment, so I know he knows I mean business. I've been feeling like I've just been going week to week and just getting by, but, today, I'm ready to rock and roll!! Now, tomorrow may be a different story (mentally wise), but, right now I'm ready.
You know, the title of this message board is How Childhood Abuse Still Affects Me. People just don't get it unless they've been there, do they? God bless the ones that have been through it, and God bless the ones that haven't. I wish no one would have to go through what we've been through. Don't you?
I haven't heard back from my preacher, yet. He said he'd call back, so we'll see. Stay sweet, talk to ya soon. Renee' |
|
|
July 11, 2008, 9:41 pm PDT
Quote From: rlnash Hey , Sarah
The belly dancing idea sounds great! You might can get a Henna pen or temp. tattoo's in the craft section of Wal Mart & you could fancy it right up!!!
Yes, I know my doctor is trained in the area of what I need to tell him and probably won't be in the least shocked to hear what I have to say. He's very compassionate, but not to the point of being unprofessional. He doesn't push me, unless he can tell I'm in the mind frame to be pushed, and he doesn't want me to reveal anything unless I feel telling him will help me in some way, instead of just flapping my lips.
I told him I just want to understand why these things happened, why they have hung onto me daily everyday of my life and how to deal with the memories and get past all of the past! Also, how to learn how to deal with the present and possibly even look forward to the future instead of dreading it. I went very deep into my emotions at the last appointment, so I know he knows I mean business. I've been feeling like I've just been going week to week and just getting by, but, today, I'm ready to rock and roll!! Now, tomorrow may be a different story (mentally wise), but, right now I'm ready.
You know, the title of this message board is How Childhood Abuse Still Affects Me. People just don't get it unless they've been there, do they? God bless the ones that have been through it, and God bless the ones that haven't. I wish no one would have to go through what we've been through. Don't you?
I haven't heard back from my preacher, yet. He said he'd call back, so we'll see. Stay sweet, talk to ya soon. Renee' Hey Renee'
Wow, sounds like you really let that doctor have it. Good for you. I'm no mental health professional, but it sounds to me like you're making progress. That's really great, Renee'. I can see a little ray of hope in your last post, and I haven't seen a lot of that so far. I look forward to seeing more hope as you continue to get better. :)
I agree that someone who hasn't lived through childhood abuse can never understand the way it affects a person. I sometimes think that life for them must be perfect, but I know that's ridiculous. Everyone has problems, whether they've been abused or not. I'm so protective of my daughters, thinking, in the back of my mind, that their lives will be all happy and wonderful if I can stop what happened to me from happening to them. It's hard for me to face the fact that their lives will not be perfect, no matter how much I protect them.
Anyway, does Wal Mart really have henna pens? That's a great idea! I was just going to use a little permanent marker, but henna would be so much cooler. Come to think of it...I saw a henna tattoo kit at World Market. It had all the ink and powder, plus stencils. Maybe I should go look at that again. I've got my skirt finished, except for maybe some embellishments. I was thinking of adding some beaded fringe. That can wait until after I get the top made, though. That way, if I don't have time for the little details, I'll still have something to wear. I want to go to Hobby Lobby and get some silver chains or beads or something to decorate my costume. I've been looking at a lot of costumes on line, and getting some great ideas. :) I've also been looking at pictures of tattoos, and it's almost making me want to get a real one. I think it would be too hard to pick something that I'm sure I'll like for the rest of my life, though. :p
Well, Renee' I hope your days continue to get better. I know it's not easy to work through the painful memories, but that's the only way to clear them out of your life. Ignoring your past will only postpone the pain. I picture my past as mud at the bottom of a clear pool of water. No matter how clean the water(my life now) is, that mud is there. Flushing that mud out will cloud the water for a while, but the end result will be much better for me.
You're still in my prayers, Sarah |
|
|
July 12, 2008, 2:02 pm PDT
Quote From: hiddenheart Hey Renee'
Wow, sounds like you really let that doctor have it. Good for you. I'm no mental health professional, but it sounds to me like you're making progress. That's really great, Renee'. I can see a little ray of hope in your last post, and I haven't seen a lot of that so far. I look forward to seeing more hope as you continue to get better. :)
I agree that someone who hasn't lived through childhood abuse can never understand the way it affects a person. I sometimes think that life for them must be perfect, but I know that's ridiculous. Everyone has problems, whether they've been abused or not. I'm so protective of my daughters, thinking, in the back of my mind, that their lives will be all happy and wonderful if I can stop what happened to me from happening to them. It's hard for me to face the fact that their lives will not be perfect, no matter how much I protect them.
Anyway, does Wal Mart really have henna pens? That's a great idea! I was just going to use a little permanent marker, but henna would be so much cooler. Come to think of it...I saw a henna tattoo kit at World Market. It had all the ink and powder, plus stencils. Maybe I should go look at that again. I've got my skirt finished, except for maybe some embellishments. I was thinking of adding some beaded fringe. That can wait until after I get the top made, though. That way, if I don't have time for the little details, I'll still have something to wear. I want to go to Hobby Lobby and get some silver chains or beads or something to decorate my costume. I've been looking at a lot of costumes on line, and getting some great ideas. :) I've also been looking at pictures of tattoos, and it's almost making me want to get a real one. I think it would be too hard to pick something that I'm sure I'll like for the rest of my life, though. :p
Well, Renee' I hope your days continue to get better. I know it's not easy to work through the painful memories, but that's the only way to clear them out of your life. Ignoring your past will only postpone the pain. I picture my past as mud at the bottom of a clear pool of water. No matter how clean the water(my life now) is, that mud is there. Flushing that mud out will cloud the water for a while, but the end result will be much better for me.
You're still in my prayers, Sarah Dear Sarah,
I just wrote this little post a second ago, and it disappeared, so I'll try again.
I just wanted you to know just how much you have grown to mean to me. You know just what to say, and when to say it. I have gotten so much better since I first started posting. You have had a tremendous roll in that. I've never had anyone to share with, let alone understand.
I mean, look how you explained how you picture your past. You are such a bright and gifted person. I was at such a very, very low place when I first started writing, and now I feel I have improved significantly all with your prayers and being there for me to write to. I still have hard days each week and probably will for a long time, I get that. But, at least I'm getting out of bed every day and getting dressed.
I just wanted you to know that even if I don't write every day, I think of you and how you've touched my life. Thank you from the bottom of my heart!! :o)
Well, I gotta run an errand with you-know-who. So I'll talk at 'cha later. Love, Renee'
P.S. Hopefully there won't be two of these that are similar! |
|
|
July 12, 2008, 4:19 pm PDT
Quote From: rlnash Dear Sarah,
I just wrote this little post a second ago, and it disappeared, so I'll try again.
I just wanted you to know just how much you have grown to mean to me. You know just what to say, and when to say it. I have gotten so much better since I first started posting. You have had a tremendous roll in that. I've never had anyone to share with, let alone understand.
I mean, look how you explained how you picture your past. You are such a bright and gifted person. I was at such a very, very low place when I first started writing, and now I feel I have improved significantly all with your prayers and being there for me to write to. I still have hard days each week and probably will for a long time, I get that. But, at least I'm getting out of bed every day and getting dressed.
I just wanted you to know that even if I don't write every day, I think of you and how you've touched my life. Thank you from the bottom of my heart!! :o)
Well, I gotta run an errand with you-know-who. So I'll talk at 'cha later. Love, Renee'
P.S. Hopefully there won't be two of these that are similar! Wow, Renee' that is so sweet of you to say. Thank you for telling me how much I've helped you. As a mother, I'm sure you can understand how much it means to have someone appreciate you once in a while. I want you to know that you're not the only one benefiting from this friendship. I look forward to hearing from you, and I'm always excited to see that you've posted something new. I really needed a friend when I met you, and you're an answer to prayer for me. You understand me so well, and I'm sure you can even understand how it feels to have no friends, and then to find one. I can trust you not to judge me when I admit to feelings that I'm ashamed of. And I know you won't be offended if I tell you that I still worry about losing your friendship. It's so hard for me to make friends, because I'm so sure they'll leave me. It's something I'm working on, and something you're helping me with, maybe without even realizing it. You encourage me to keep working to get better.
I explain my past as a pool of water with mud at the bottom because it's a visual image. I express myself best through art, especially drawing, so pictures just make more sense to me. If I can see something, I can understand it better.
Please don't think that I'm the one pulling you up to a better life. You're helping me up too. And, of course, God is helping us both! I have another mental picture for you, and an interesting fact. Did you know that the height of a California Redwood would make it fall over if it wasn't surrounded by other Redwoods? The roots of these trees are interlocked with the roots of the trees around them, and that supports their weight, and holds them up. Without the other trees to support it, a Redwood could not reach such amazing heights. I am the same way. With good friends and family to hold me up, I can reach great heights. I need the support of Christians like you. We were meant to support each other, and raise each other up to reach our greatest potential. You support me like that, and I'm so glad that you've given me the opportunity to return the favor. You mean so much to me. I know we will both continue to have bad days, but the good ones are starting to outweigh the bad, and I hope that trend will continue. I will keep thinking of you and praying for you. I know we can help each other through the bad days, because that's what God gives us friends for. :)
I hope I will hear from you soon. Have a great weekend!
Sarah |
|