Topic : How Childhood Abuse Still Affects Me

Hi Renee'

 

Sorry I've been so silent lately.  I'm kind of in my own little world.  There's really nothing going on here.  I'm still thinking about the Navy, and have spoken to a recruiter.  We haven't really discussed anything serious, but I think I'm starting to get my hopes up.  I don't know if I want to get my hopes up.  My husband's been very supportive, and has already told me that he would move to wherever I would have to go for "A" school(the job training that I'd have to do immediately after Basic Training).  I've been finding a lot more info on line.  One website says that the Navy would not only give my family a housing allowance, they would provide the funds for them to move to where my A school is.  I'd be able to live with them after the first 30 days I'm there, and I'd only have to be away from my family while I'm in class.  I'd still have to be away from them during the two months of Basic, but that wouldn't be so bad, compared to 20 months.  It's really starting to sound pretty good.  I'm still afraid to get my hopes up, though.  A recruiter is supposed to call me in a few days to talk some more.  I'm hoping to set up an appointment to go in with my husband so we can both ask questions.  I want to be sure that my husband knows exactly what he'd be getting into if we agree to do this.

 

Anyway, I went back to work last week.  I'll just be working 15 hours a week, but it's nice to have a little change of pace.  I like my job, but it's gotten to the point that it doesn't challenge me anymore, so I'm really starting to get restless there.  I'm starting to wonder if joining the Navy would just be a way for me to escape the parts of my life that I'm not satisfied with.  Am I just running away?  I don't know.  I should probably just stop worrying about it.  Even if I do go, I probably wouldn't go for at least a year.  I just can't get it out of my mind, though.

 

Well, I think I've babbled enough for tonight.  I hope everything's going well for you.  Counting down to October... :)  Do you have an exact date yet, or is it just some time in October?

 

I'll babble at you more later.  Have a peaceful weekend.

 

Sarah

Well, I've been in my little world, also.  I've been way down in the depths of depression

for a couple of weeks, but I think I'm coming back up.  Man, I'd give anything for this

crap to just take a ride and leave me alone.  It's so hard to fight, but first you have to

realize that's what has a hold of you. 

 

I'm not sleeping but 2 or 3 hours a night, so I'm sure that's not helping my

situation.  I stay awake during the day, thinking, surely, I'll sleep at night.  Oh well.

These are the cards I've been dealt, I guess.

 

My closing date is Oct. 28th at 9 a.m. !!!!!!   As of last Sunday, I had cabinets in the

kitchen, bathroom and laundry room.  My tile had been put down in the bathrooms.

They had put up the baseboards and crown moulding.  So it's coming right along.

 

They are still being pain in the ***##@'s............     I took an art class on Saturday and

absolutely loved it!  It was one of the best days I've had that I can remember, so,

of course, on Sunday, they had to blast me out of the water - not once, but twice.

I was so not "ready" for it that it really messed me up even more.  I don't know

what on earth their problem is, but I'm counting down the days until my house is

ready.

 

Okay there, Miss Sarah, I guess I've rattled on long enough.  I promise not to take

two weeks to write again.  Be sweet!!

Renee'

I've been seeing a guy for about 6 months. We had a rocky few months, but things have been great lately. We get along so well. We love spending time together. We are in graduate school together. About two months ago he opened up to me a little about being sexually abused when he was really young. It was by a woman (not sure who, except that it was not his mom) and lasted for a few years. He is in therapy working on himself and seems to be doing well. Yesterday he told me that he can't handle the boundaries of a relationship (we'd never established anything concrete because he couldn't handle it) and we decided to end things. I can't handle the feelings which are growing and not have the commitment from him. He wants us to be friends, because he says I am the most important person in his life. I want to be his friend, but am worried I will never be able to lose the romantic feelings I have for him. I also worry that if I am his friend, I'll always be holding on to the hope that he'll work through it and decide he wants to be in a relationship afterall. (He has told me he hopes this will happen, but doesn't know if/when.) I am just wondering if anyone has been in a similar situation, or has any advice as to what I can do for him. I care about him, and want to be there for him as much as I can. I just feel so helpless right now!

Well, I can only speak from "his" side of the story.  I was the abused one - I'm 46 and still

am struggling everyday to keep my chin up, so to speak.  Unfortunately, my first marriage

ended due to abuse from my husband and I remarried 5 years later only to have my

second husband do something that I'd rather not type out.  I'm done with relationships,

just because I've lost faith in the whole "I'm here for you" line.

If you truly care for your guy, and he is working on his past, be there for him and be friends

with him.  You never know what will come of it!  He may look at you one day and realize

he can trust you and lean on you and that you don't judge him.  Maybe he really is just

confused at this time, I don't know, but, I do know that sexual abuse is a horrid thing to

go through and it's hard to work through - you can't just put it out of your mind (I tried that,

and had a complete nervous breakdown).  So be there for him and he'll reach out -

I'm sure of that.

Hope that helps some. 

There are alot of positive things going on here and they should be recognized.  He is in therapy!  That is the most important issue.

 

He wants you in his life.  Being sexually abused is like being in a jail cell in a person's mind.  With the correct support of people and you being one of them the therapist kind of being the Capitan holding the keys to unlock the cage in his mind all can be well.

 

Stay the course.  There are things you can be doing that can help you truly understand.

 

There is a book called COURAGE TO HEAL.  At this typing I am sorry I cannot remember the 2 people who wrote this book.  There are also plenty of other books out there regarding sexual abuse in childhood.

 

There is also a website called  www.miraclesinprogress.com  it has recovery links to people who have been sexually abused, 12 step programs AA, NA, ACOA,  ADULT CHILDREN OF ALCOHOLICS,  etc.

 

The more info you can get your hands on the more you will understand the man you love.

 

Since you are both in Graduate school together you are already a smart cookie.

 

Read as much as you can  and then make up your mind IF YOU are willing to stay the course.

 

We sexual abuse survivors are worth the wait.  Our coping mechanisms are like YOU WALKING IN A MINE FIELD we want you to blow up so you wont get too close to us because if you do than maybe you can hurt us too like the original abuser did....

 

xox

S

Sarah - where have you gone?  You haven't gone and joined the Navy without

telling me, have you?

 

Write soon as you can ----

R

IT ALL STARTED WHEN I WAS A BABY
MY PARENTS GAVE ME UP TO THE STATE OF KANSAS WHERE I WENT TO 15 DIFFERENT FOSTER HOMES THROUGH OUT MY CHILDHOOD. I NEVER MET MY REAL PARENTS, AND ALSO I NEVER OF ADOPTED
BUT ONE GOOD THING I GOT OUT OF IT ALL
IS I GRADUATED FROM MILITARY SCHOOL
WHERE THE STATE SENT ME

.MY WHOLE PHILOSOPHY IN LIFE IS TO PLANT POSITIVE SEEDS IN PEOPLES HEARTS, MINDS, AND SOULS , SO THE SEED OF LOVE WILL CONTINUE TO GROW WITH IN OUR HEART MIND AND SOUL AND ALSO INSPIRES PEOPLE THAT THEIR IS HOPE OUT THERE
ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS DISCOVER THE UNKNOWN,

IN 1990 I TOOK A CLASS TO BECOME A CERTIFIED NURSE ASST WHERE I HAVE BEEN DOING THAT PROFESSION FOR 17 YEARS I CURRENTLY WORK IN THE HOSPICE FIELD HERE IN THE VALLEY .

I LOVE MY JOB VERY MUCH , BUT IT REALLY ISN'T A JOB TO ME IT IS REWARDING TO HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY TO TAKE CARE OF
THE GENERATION THAT BROUGHT ME HERE
I AM A VERY CARING , KIND,
CONSIDERATE PERSON WHO IS POSITIVE AND HAS A LOT OF COMPASSION OF ALL MANKIND .

I WANT TO LEAVE A LEGACY WHEN I DIE
AND THIS IS WHAT I WOULD LIKE TO BE REMEMBER AS A MAN WITH A HEART OF GOLD , AND A GREAT AMOUNT OF WISDOM INSTEAD A RICH MAN THAT ONLY HAS
MONEY WITH NO REAL TRUE FRIENDS .

I WONDER IF THEIR ARE STILL
PEOPLE IN THIS WORLD , THAT HAS THAT LOVE OF SEED STILL IN THEM .

I ALWAYS WANTED TO BE A INSPIRATIONAL SPEAKER BUT WHEN I WAS A KID MY FOSTER PARENTS ALWAYS TOLD ME I WOULD NEVER AMOUNT TO ANYTHING SO THAT HAS ALWAYS STUCK WITH ME , SO I DECIDED IT IS TIME TO CHANGE MY LIFE .

I WANT TO SPEAK OUT FOR THE POOR, HOMELESS, AND THE HELPLESS

BY DOING THAT I AM GOING TO LET YOU IN MY HEART MIND AND SOUL

SO THIS HOW I SEE WORLD TODAY ,
THE WORLD TODAY IS FULL HATRED, DESTRUCTION , GREED, BUT THE QUESTION IS
WHO IS REALLY SUFFERING, IT IS THE POOR AND THE UNFORTUNATE ARE REALLY THE ONE WHO SUFFERS

LOOK AT IT THIS WAY. HOW OFTEN IN THIS
COUNTRY THAT WE ARE TRUE LY BLESSED?

MAYBE IT IS IN OUR GENES THAT WE COMPLAIN AND OFTEN FORGET HOW BLESSED WE ARE ?

THE FOLLOWING THINGS I BELIEVE IS IMPORTANT TO ME , AND I WOULD LIKE YOU ALL TOO REALLY THINK ABOUT THIS

IF YOU HAVE FOOD IN YOUR REFRIGERATOR
AND YOU GET TO EAT THREE MEALS A DAY
AND HAVE A SAFE PLACE TO SLEEP...... YOU ARE RICHER THAN 75 PERCENT OF THIS WORLD.
IF YOU HAVE MONEY IN THE BANK, IN YOUR WALLET , AND SPARE CHANGE IN YOUR DISH SOMEPLACE......YOU ARE AMONG THE TOP 8 PERCENT OF WORLDS WEALTHY,
IF YOU WOKE UP WITH MORE HEALTH THAN ILLNESS.........YOU ARE BLESSED THAN MILLION WHO WILL NOT SURVIVE THE WEEK

IF YOU IF HAVE NEVER EXPERIENCED THAT DANGER OF BATTLE FOR EXAMPLE THE WAR WE ARE IN . AND THE LONELINESS
AND AGONY OF TORTURE OR THE PAINS OF STARVATION.......YOU ARE AHEAD OF THE 500 MILLION PEOPLE IN THIS WORLD .

IF YOU CAN ATTEND A CHURCH MEETING WITH OUT THE FEAR OF HARASSMENT , ARREST, TORTURE OR DEATH , YOU ARE MORE BLESSED THAN 1 MILLION PEOPLE IN THIS WORLD .

IF YOUR PARENTS ARE STILL ALIVE AND STILL MARRIED , YOU ARE VARY RARE IN THE UNITED STATES .

IF YOU CAN HOLD SOMEONE HAND AND HUG THEM YOU OR EVEN TOUCH THEM ON THE SHOULDER .........YOU ARE BLESSED BECAUSE YOU CAN OFFER A HEALING TOUCH.

IF YOU CAN READ THIS MESSAGE YOU ARE MORE BLESSED THAN 2 BILLION PEOPLE IN THE WORLD WHO CAN NOT READ OR WRITE .

IF YOU CAN HOLD UP YOUR HEAD WITH A SMILE ON YOUR FACE AND ARE TRULY THANKFUL YOU ARE BLESSED , BECAUSE THE MAJORITY CAN BUT MOST OF US DON'T

THANK YOU LETTING SHARE MY OPINION , THOUGHTS, MY HEART MIND AND SOUL WITH YOU
IF YOU EVER NEED A FRIEND OR EVER LOSE A FRIEND I WOULD LOVE TO BE YOUR FRIEND AND GOD WILL ALSO TOO

YOUR NEW FRIEND
JEFFREY INSPIRINGHEARTS4EVER


IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO CONTACT ME
INSPIRINGHEARTS4EVER@YAHOO.COM

Read Doctor Phil's book Life Strategies?  It saved my life June 2005.  You are the only person who talks to you 24/7

 

You soundlike a wonderful person who has lived through too much BS!

 

I urge you to read it Jeff!

 

Yes I will be your new friend.

 

I can tell you have a heart of gold!

 

xox

S

Hi Renee'

 

I'm so sorry.  I kindof just dropped everything for a while, and I hope you didn't feel like I didn't want to talk to you anymore.  I've had a lot on my mind, and I just retreated into my own little world for a while.  I didn't mean to ignore you or anything.

 

My husband and I have been talking a lot about the Navy, and he's starting to like the idea more as he thinks about it more.  I sat down and talked to a few recruiters for a couple of hours, and after that, I started to get excited about it too.  It was really starting to look like something that was going to happen within the next few years.  Then, everything changed.

 

I found out yesterday that I'm pregnant.  I've got to be honest, and say I threw a little temper tantrum when I found out.  This just doesn't go with the plans I've been making.  I'm going to be happy about it, though.  No matter what my plans were, a child is a blessing, and I'm grateful.  I know that if it's really God's will for me to join the Navy, I can still do that.  Just later than I was thinking.  My husband's very happy about it, and that helps me to be happy too.  I thought at first that he might not be, because we're struggling with money problems lately.  He worries about that a lot.  He really is happy, though, and that's a big relief to me.

 

Anyway, I imagine you'll be moving into your new house any day now.  How's it turning out?  I hope your brother and his wife/trainer are not being too mean to you.  Are you counting down the days?  Just think: you're almost free!  And after the state-of-the-art relative deterrent system is installed, you'll never have to deal with their BS again. :) Until then, though, you might just have to train your vicious puppy to attack people like them. 

 

I hope everything is going well for you, and I promise I'll try to write more often.  I look forward to hearing from you whenever you get the chance to write.

 

Sarah

Congratulations!!!!!  A new baby !!!!   I know you weren't planning it, but God must have

seen otherwise!!!  I'm so glad your husband is supporting you through all of this (the

Navy, baby, etc.)  You sound like you're really doing your homework and getting

things lined up.

 

I have carpet, mirrors and light fixtures now.  It's really looking like a house - home!!!

My brother and I went to Arkansas last weekend and seperated out my storage building

into two - one for the movers to bring out here and one for the auction guy to sell off when

he has a free date available.  I'll go through the boxes out here.  Stuff I want to keep in

my house, stuff to donate and stuff to store.

 

I've really been unloading on my doctor the past few weeks.  I'm only sleeping about 2 or

3 hours a night due to horrific memories, so I figured I might as well get some of it out

in the open.  I started shaking so bad during one appointment he had me stop to get a

grip on things.   So, I don't know how much all of this is helping, I guess I'll let him be

the judge since he's the one that went to school for a zillion years, right?

 

Well, take care of my new niece/nephew (hee hee).  Don't get all stressed out if you can

help it.  Be sweet,

Renee'