Topic : How Childhood Abuse Still Affects Me

Hello everyone!  I am an old member here.  I had messages posted before the makeover they did here.  I haven't been around in a bit.  Summer has kept me rather busy.  I am panicky today.  I suffer from anxiety and panic disorder.  The result of the abuse I suffered as a child.  I was molested by my grandfather (mom's dad) from, my earliest memory, the age of 5 until I was 12.  I never told anyone about it.  My younger sisters were victims of his, as well.  We vowed to each other not to tell anyone, EVER!  My mom finally found out about 2 yrs. ago, from my youngest sister.  She blurted it out in an argument she and my mother were having.  Mom asked both of my sisters about it, but never asked me.  She knows I won't lie about it or take it back like my sisters would.  I have never been able to lie to my mom, I just can't.  I think she didn't ask me about it for this reason.  I don't feel that she is ready to accept it.  Anyhow, I just wanted to post, re-introduce myself, and say good luck to all of you in your search for peace and understanding. 

  

"Remember your purpose and peace will come."  ~ Cora Lynn West   

  

sunnydai 

to meet you!

I am sorry to hear about your abuse and yes those panic attacks are from the abuse. I am sorry that you are having a hard time now. If you need to talk come here and do that we are here for you and anyone else. Sometimes we all do OK and sometimes we struggle, that's OK too. 

  

mjkkas 

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Cried and went to bed....

My childhood abuse still affects me.   

I wish that it didn't though.  

My sister thinks I should have moved on by now.  

But it just isn't as easy as that.  

   

It has shaped who I am. Every thing I do is affected by what happened to me.  

   

   

Where are you from?

If you share usually at least one poster listens...often more. How are you today? How has your child abuse shaped who you are? Share as much or as little as you want to... Remember we aren't experts so replies from experience or things we have learned observing...pretty much like you. What have you learned? SELF MATTERS includes you... Hugs and prayers, SEA

GOD PLEASE REPLY

If ever you reach out in word
And feel like no one heard
To me each poem that I see
Are like prayers rising up to Thee

After you left with all your tears
Combined with all your haunting fears
People stopped to read words you left
Sending prayers for you to be blessed

Parting prayers prayed to help you some
So you feel uplifted when here you come
And when no one knows what to say
Now and then know for you many pray

Thus if after you bare your soul
You feel no one heard... not one soul
I wanted you to know I stopped by
Said a prayer for you signed please reply

Is life just a choice, i've heard it said before.  

There are no such thing as accidents.  

Of that i'm not so sure, hindsight suggest there,s more.  

   

A life alert three year old boy, a middle son to be.  

Taken from his squaters home his brother the last to see.  

An accident the couse, burning pain one fee.  

   

where he went, what he'd learn, who he might be.  

Life was mean, lessons by the ream, no love until eighteen.  

Infected by strangers mostly unclean.  

   

Abandonment and tears, future hidden fears.  

His life changed so much , he didn't feel for years.  

A life time of learning, from society labeled peers.  

   

Chameleon like indiference to life's ebb and flow.  

His spirit wouldn't hide but it did get very low.  

Shutting out memories with many a painful blow.  

   

Learning fear no help was near, except his inner ear.  

His baby years infected and often He was blamed.  

Was his life his choice or is life i wonder pre-ordained?.  

  

Where did he get his strength from?, if not from within.  

Did he choose the life he was living in?  

Did he choose to be neglected to be blamed.  

Did he choose to be abused, generally confused?, never tamed.  

DId he choose to be emotionally tested, to be molested again and again.  

Did he choose to carry a faulty gene, with pain.  

   

Tell me Doctor Phil, with the wisdom you've obtained.  

Was his life his choice or is life pre-ordained  

   

composed by me Bill Dempster   

What powerful words you write. 

  

I just wanted to let you know that. 

  

As for myself I think life is not a choice. I think it is all mapped out way before we enter Earth. 

  

Tammy