Topic : How Childhood Abuse Still Affects Me

I know exactly what you are saying about the silence in the room. 

All that stuff is going round and round and you just can't put it into words! 

Have you thought of writing things down in a journal or notebook? That 

could really help you sort things out, and then you could show him or just 

read some of it to him.  

I don't think that you should quit going, if you think it is him then try someone 

else. You know I stuck with someone for a time and I thought that it was me that 

had the problem, but I have this real good one now and I can't believe the difference. 

Don't push yourself, OK it is real hard to work through so be gentle with yourself. 

They do have diaries here and you can do private ones or shared ones, it is helpful 

to a lot of people. 

Please don't feel alone and you are doing the right thing...no more secrets. They 

are no good, get it out! That is the bests way to heal. Please take care! 

  

Many hugs to you! 

  

mj 

I don't know what I am supposed to tell the therapist.  I've already told him I was abused so what else do I say?  I sit there and think of what was done to me but I don't know if that's what he is supposed to hear to help me.  I just want to be over with this.  I guess what I really need to know is what do I tell him so he can help me.

I have been on the CSA board and just found this one, too.  It seems to be virtually the same topic, but I haven't gone through past posts to know for sure.  Anyway, I had some thoughts about your situation because I am sometimes in your position, too. 

Maybe your next session should be all about how the sessions should work and tell him how uncomfortable you are with trying to figure out what to talk about.  Tell him how you feel now and what you want for yourself and your life.  Ask him:  How can you help me?  What do I need to tell you? 

I know exactly what you mean and so often I feel like I should know what to say or that I am running the session and am unsure of that.  Sometimes I have things that I want to talk about and sometimes I just feel awful and want my therapist to take charge.  Sometimes you need to communicate that you don't know what to say or that saying some things out loud are too difficult....  You are not the only one who feels like you don't know how to do therapy.  My best. 

You know, it isn't what your therapist is supposed to hear, it is what you need to tell. You know, how you have kept this all in for all these years, it is about you and what you need and want. It isn't about your therapist. So when you go then you need to talk about the details or the feelings, anything to get it out. 

It is one thing to say I was abused, it is another to talk about how you feel about it, or how you felt when it was happening. "I feel ashamed" "I feel disgusted" "I feel hurt", anything. Does your therapist know that you have never talked about it? Maybe he is not familiar in this and maybe you need someone who knows how to help someone. You are in charge, you pay him, so don't worry about what you say you need. 

I had a therapist that wouldn't let me talk about what had happened, even when I had a new memory. Told me that it didn't matter what happened, all that mattered was I learned to be strong and have the skills to live. Well ya, but that did damage to me, it was like what I felt didn't matter once again. The therapist I have now doesn't care if I don't have a topic this time or if I want to talk about specific things, if she needs to direct me or if I am in charge. We go there, IMO, to learn to spread our wings and learn who we are, and what we are about. 

I think that it is so important to get it out and tell everything that happened until you can't do it anymore, we had to keep the secret and not tell, now is our chance to do that. It is your choice how you do it. Talk to him and share with him what you feel and think, just like you did here, it can't hurt. 

I wish you the best of luck! 

  

mj 

I don't know if you were aware of this, but the boards (all) shut down in about May and were down for a couple of months. So when it came back on this board has never really recovered, sort of speak. Nobody knew they were going to do this and so I think people just gave up. The CSA board is usually more active, there is Momisme2, bzbluiii, Mussymel and I that have been regulars there. But they have gone for a while and I am not sure what the deal is, maybe they needed a break, But I hope that they will be back soon. I wish that I was more helpful. Take care, you are very wise you know! 

  

mj 

   Hi all ! I have gone to so much therapy,,, I just can't do it agine. Everyone I get either doesn't get me or wants do do some kind of study on me. I just can't tell all the stories agine. I like group but when I have to share we lose half the group. Anyway I have been having a hard time of it since my kid's left and allmost being 40 I think I might be having a mid life crisis. So what is "one" sopose to feel like ? I know I have other issue's to deal with,, i don't think I can take one more. You know? I love having all this time and the house to my self. Then why do I feel so very blue.?  J

So are you one of those that gave everything to your family and now you wonder what you have left for you? I am 41 and I don't know about the mid life crisis for me, I just know that I struggle alot most of the time. I feel real alone most of the time too, and like I just don't matter to me enough to go on. I hate that I am so sensitive and cry over the smallest things (so my husband says), I hate that I am alive and have these things haunting my mind most of the time. 

Wow I sound terrible, I need to go have a warm bath or something, sorry I went off on my little things. Just know that you are not alone here, we care and understand. 

  

mj 

I haven't been here long so I wasn't around when the boards shut down.  Did they saw why they did that?  I hope it doesn't happen again. 

I think I'll focus on the other board.  Thank you for your comment.  You are very wise, too, and help so many people.  You are a good person. ((mj)) 

Just a short message to you... 

  

Why have you never told anybody about your brother's abuse?  You poor thing.... I hope you're not still feeling shame because of what happened.   You did nothing wrong.  The next time you see a nine year old little girl, look at her and imagine what had happened to you was happening to her now.  Please take some of  the compassion I believe you'd feel for her, and have it for yourself. 

  

I wish you the very best of everything........ you deserve it. 

  

Bettystown 

"And I'm not going to lie to you. This is not an easy thing," Dr. Phil continues. "You can say, 'I can go off and deal with this for a year, two years, three years, four years, five years, six years.' Time heals nothing. It's what you do in that time. One thing we know for sure is incest victims cannot heal themselves. They can't forgive and be forgiven and then just work on it and bear down and heal themselves. Kenny, it will not get better unless and until someone that is trained, someone that is qualified, somebody that understands where all the pitfalls are, where all the lies that you can tell yourself and believe as true, until somebody is there to be a guide and to navigate those things. It absolutely will not get better by itself. Forgiveness is the last step in the process. It may never come. But what you have to do is understand it.