Topic : How Childhood Abuse Still Affects Me

Hello All, 

I am a survivor of childhood incest. My step-father sexually abused me and his own son, my half brother for years. I was about 2 when it began and 6 when it ended. I don't remember any of the abuse, but I have read the police report and I know the details. Lately, I have been having some unexplainable, very strong emotions and dreams that I think are not entire memories surfacing, but just the intense emotions that happened during the abuse. They are very overwhelming and it feels like I am going crazy. I already have fibromyalgia, depression, and anxiety. I don't need this too! I appreciate having a place to tell my situation and see if this has happened to anyone else. Thanks. 

Welcome to the board, 

it doesnt get easier. If you can the best thing is to get a good therapist to help you thru all of this. I didnt believe until it effected me when i was 27 years of age. i was abused at age 11 by a cousin. i see it in my mind constantly. You will never get better if you dont get help. We can encourage you but the work is up to you on the inside. Feel free to vent any time we all do it.....  

hang in there 

Blaze  

Hi,   

It makes me sad to read that there are so many people who have to suffer lifelong emotional problems because of "bullies".  I'm glad that you have forgiven  your mother.  What is preventing you from forgiving the other persons?  They were not your abusers, although knowing of the abuse and doing nothing is also a bad thing.  Try to take little steps every day towards forgiving them.  If it will help, keep a logbook wherein you write ONE reason every day why you SHOULD forgive them and by the end of a week, you'll have seven reasons.  Jesus said that we should forgive our tresspassers 7 x 70 times DAILY.  If you can manage just one person a week, within a couple of weeks you would have forgiven them all and it might help you learn to accept and live with your childhood abuse.  ALWAYS REMEMBER:  You are now an adult and NOBODY can hurt you again.  It is within your power to say no to abusive persons and situations you might find yourself in.  You (and GOD) are in control of your life now, so take that first step.  I will pray for you and ask God to assist you in your efforts to becoming a mentally healthy person and to be able to forgive the persons who did nothing to help you when you told them about your abuse. 

I have just touched the tip of the iceberg with my child abuse. I too put it on the back burrner so to say for years. until i got married and it makes me feel dirty and like a prostiute. even though i have a wonderful husband. He robbed me of my virginity and dignity,. Now i have self hate and flash backs at times in bed. its like a bad movie running over and over again in my mind.  

Each day is either good or bad for me. More depressed. But it does help with everyones enouraging words on how they dealt with this helps alot.  

blaze  

I am 44 and also trying to over my childhood sexual abuse.  You have been in therapy longer than I have so although I having been dealing with the effects, I didn't start working on them until therapy started for me almost 2 years ago.  I too how had those desperate, low times when I have felt that I didn't want to endure one more day of pain, but then there are times when I catch an piece of a glimpse that I just might be able to get to a better place and that keeps me going.  One thing I think about is that this stuff is still going on and I hope to at some point help young girls so they don't end up just starting to address it in their 30's-40's-50's.  I am not strong enough to do that, I think it could help other and empower me in some way.  Is there something that you could think of that might empower you.  Maybe it doesn't effect your situation directly, but may give you a sense of power over the bigger problem?   

I wonder if you are getting acknowledgement from the other people close to you.  This is a problem for me.  My husband doesn't get it and I can't share what happened with too many people.  I want to feel protected & cared for and I'm not really getting it...yet.  I think that when I get more of that, I will feel more understood and acknowledged.   

I just wondered if you could relate to any of this.  This glimse of things that might make a difference for me give me something to work on and it gives me hope.  (not without bumps along the way) 

Do you talk about this stuff with your sister or even go through some joint therapy sessions (if they do that)?  You seem to hold alot of guilt about being responsible for what happened to your sister, too, and that is not fair of you to blame that little girl who you were at the time.  It wasn't your fault.  It was your grandfather's fault.  He was suppose to love & protect you & your sister and he didn't.  You've got to find a way to stop punishing yourself for his sins and give yourself the love you deserve.