Quote From: mallow2004I guess I should share a little of my story with all of you for you to understand why it's so hard for me to find out my daughter was also abused.
When I was 7, my mother had married my step-father. When we moved to Texas from CA, he completely changed towards my mother and me. My sister was never harmed by him that we know of. At least, not that we know of because she's never told us about anything.
He'd beat my mom and me for no reason and at night him and his brother would molest. I don't know the details because I've repressed them for so many years that I don't know if I'd ever remember them and I don't know if I'd want to know. I was also responsible for making sure my sister never saw any of the abuse going on. My mother would always tell me to take my sister away from the apartment so she wouldn't see (she was 2 years younger than me at the time). My mother finally got the courage to leave 3 months after they were married unfortunately the damage was already was done.
When I was 9, a few of the local high-schoolers had molested me in the public swimming pool. I managed to get away after kneeing one in the groin and punching another in the stomach but not before I was traumatized by the few things they were able to do.
At 11, I was raped by a friend of my friend's brother. I don't remember too much about that only because I just never thought about that as being to important. I know it definitely had affected in some way but not as much as the first time I was abused and just never thought too much about it.
When I was 14, my boyfriend tried to rape but was stopped by his brother. I broke it off with him immediately.
When I was 16, I was raped by a stranger. It was extremely hard to deal with because I had gotten pregnant by him or my boyfriend at the time and didn't know what to do. I later miscarried. It took a while, but I soon realized that that was a blessing in disguise.
When I was 17, someone from work tried to push up on me for sex and I managed to fight free and left that guy in some pain.
At 25, a friend of a friend's of a friend's tried to rape me when I passed out after having too much to drink (never drank that much again in my life). He was charged and convicted and demoted from Sgt. to Pvt. and dishonorably discharged from the Army. That was the hardest time.
All this abuse also affected the type of guys I dated and my sexual relationships. From the time I was a teenager to my early-20's I was very promiscous because I was afraid to say no. However, when I was 20, I learned the value of the word. When I got married the guy I married still proved to me men couldn't be trusted because he tried to control me, he was verbally abusive and he cheated on me. I left after 11 months of marriage but I was pregnant with my first daughter by him so he's a constant fixture in my life.
I later decided to start dating again at 27 and started to date another man who decided that because his first wife cheated he didn't trust any woman and tried to tell me that I couldn't go out with my female friends even to Walmart. I invited him to go a few times, but he always said no. He was a homebody and tried to make me one. I left him but had to get a restraining order on him because he wouldn't leave me alone and started to become obsessive. I later found out I was pregnant with his child and haven't told because I'm afraid of what would happen if he did find out about her.
That's my life of abuse and I don't want the cycle to continue with my 2 daughters. Anyone have any advice?
Advice? I'm no expert, but your having gone through the things you describe, I can only tell you that you have more courage and strength than you will ever know.
People who suffer through these abuse issues are navigating a war-zone. I don't think there are any right or wrong answers. The only thing I would suggest is making sure that you have a support network of caring people who have been through the same thing. Isolation and lonliness -- NO!
Other people are out there to support you and offer you caring advice based on their own situations. No one should be alone through this. This board is a good place to start.
