Topic : How Childhood Abuse Still Affects Me

Hi Nikki

My name is Gina (reginanteens)

I definitely relate to your suffering.

#1 Get into Incest support immediately, especially since you are so young and it takes time to  overcome the hurt.  24 is a very adult age, but you will become stronger within the years, each yr we go through, each decade is a miraculous change of our mindset.

#2  Continue staying away from the family, after a yr you will be glad for it.  I did and life is better for me. I am my own gal nowadays. 

#3 Forgiveness will be in your heart one day, and at that time period you will release pain!...Many people were raised horrifically and Im sure your parents were too.....these are the sickening truths of our world....they suffered surely as well......and became INCAPABLE of true love for their own child.

#Pray , pray , pray for ability to cope, search for support and forgive one day.

Lots of Love to you Nikki

Thank you for your post......Sincerely Gina 

Hi everyone

I`m 32 years old and from South Africa. In short, (as short as possible!lol!) just to give you an idea. My stepfather abused me (sexually) since the age of 7. This continued till I turned 12. (By then I was suffering froman eating disorder.) I then got institutianolised. (First in a mental hospital for ivaluation, then to a "safe house" and after a few suicide attemts I got sent to a juvenile prison....still wondering why......)I got released from there when I turned 18, and have been fending for myself on the streets of Cape Town ever since. It is only recently that my life has "stabilised" in a funny sort of way.  I became a drug addict at the age of 13, and this continued untill about 3 months ago. I am clean now, but with that comes reality, something I`ve spend my whole life trying to get away from. I thought that being clean would be the sollution to all my problems, (a bit naive, I know now....) but am now struggling with my ED all over again. (Never had to worry much when I was an addict...I always looked like a skelleton!) My re-occuring nightmares are also back in a big way now. They were always there, but at least when I was drugging I could dull it somewhat. (I`m only getting about 3 hours sleep a night on average) I am also really struggling with the memories, ect. It is now the first time in years that I actually have to deal with things, and I feel as if I`m not equiped for it at all. I don`t even know who I am anymore. Living on the streets (and doing what I`ve had to do to survive in that enviroment) has also taken it`s toll, mentally, emotionally & physically. I know that I brought this on myself in a lot of ways, but am really trying to salvage what I can. (Kinda left it a bit late, I know...) When I quit the drugs I also quit my psyciatric medication, eg. sleeping pills, anti-depressants, ect., so when I say that my mind is clear for the first time since I was 13, I MEAN it. Can anyone give me some kind of advice? It will be MUCH appreciated.

Maxi

    IS THERE ANYONE OUT HERE WHO CAN GET A MESSAGE TO DR. PHIL OR ROBIN??  I KNOW THAT I'M SHOUTING BUT I AM TOTALLY AND COMPLETELY DESPERATE...I HAVE HAD 40 PLUS YEARS OF EXTREME, SEVERE AND NEARLY CONTINUOUS ABUSES, NEARLY EVERY KIND THAT YOU CAN THINK OF AND IT BEGAN AT THE AGE OF TWO; I AM NOW 54 AND I THINK THAT IT'S ALL STILL AFFECTING ME....I JUST SIMPLY CANNOT FIND A RX PROVIDER WHO IS QUALIFIED TO HELP ME...I AM UNDER THE CARE OF A PSYCHIATRIST AND A COUNSELOR AND HAVE BEEN SINCE I WAS ABOUT 7, I DON'T KNOW, I CAN'T REMEMBER...MY DARLING 21 Y/O SON,  WHO HAS MENTAL/EMOTIONAL/DD ISSUES AND DIAGNOSES OF HIS OWN, AND MY BELOVED FIANCE, ARE CAUGHT IN MY WAR ZONE AND HAVE NO IDEA OF HOW TO DEAL WITH THE EPISODES OR THE AFTERMATH...NEITHER DO I...I'VE HAD 3-4 VIOLENT AND SELF-DESTRUCTIVE EPISODES IN AS MANY DAYS...I'VE SCRATCHED THE SKIN OFF OF MY NECK AND MY FACE, I BANG MY HEAD ON WALLS, DOORS AND THE FLOOR....TODAY, I BANGED MY HEAD SO HARD THAT I LITERALLY KNOCKED THE VERTEBRAE IN MY NECK WAAAAY OUT AND HAD TO GO AND SEE THE CHIROPRACTER TODAY, WHO TOLD ME THAT I'D DONE SIGNIFICANT DAMAGE AND MADE ME MAKE ANOTHER APPT FOR TOMORROW FOR ANOTHER ADJUSTMENT...WHEN THESE RAGES COME ON, IT'S LIKE HAVING A SEIZURE, I ABSOLUTELY CAN NOT STOP IT...IT'S LIKE WATCHING A TSUNAMI BEARING DOWN ON YOU, WHAT CAN YOU DO?  YOU CAN'T OUTRUN IT, YOU CAN'T SWIM AWAY FROM YOU, IT'S COMING TO GET YOU AND THERE'S NOT ONE, SINGLE DAMN THING YOU CAN DO TO INSURE YOUR SAFETY...IT'S GOING TO HAPPEN, JUST LIKE THE ABUSE AND THERE IS   N O T H I N G   THAT I CAN DO TO STOP IT....I'VE BEEN WRITING TO DR. PHIL AND ROBIN ALL LAST WEEK, I  SOO DAMN WANT TO GET BETTER B4 I DIE AND I FEEL LIKE I AM DYING A SLOW DEATH....I'VE ALREADY HAD ONE HEART ATTACK AND ONE STROKE....I NEED IMMEDIATE INTERVENTION FROM A QUALIFIED RX PROVIDER AND I SINCERELY, GENUINELY, AND HONESTLY, TRULY BELIEVE THAT DR. PHIL IS THE  O  N  L   Y     ONE WHO CAN HELP ME FIND MY WAY OUT OF THIS DARK MADNESS....I DON'T KNOW WHAT ELSE TO DO......TODAY, AFTER I DESTROYED MANY OF MY BELONGINGS,  AND THE APT., I WAS UNABLE, I COULDN'T EVEN FIGURE OUT "HOW" TO CLEAN UP THE MESS I MADE, LIKE, WHAT DO I PICK UP FIRST, WHERE DO I START,...WHAT DO I DO NOW.....PLEASE,   S   O   M   E   B   O   D   Y,  GET A MESSAGE TO DR. PHIL FOR ME, PLEASE, I   N   E   E   D   SERIOUS HELP AND INTERVENTION, B4 IT'S TOO LATE.....

Please call the crisis hot  line.  You are a danger to yourself.   Most likely, nobody from the show ever even reads these posts let alone would do anything about it.

Please, please call for help now.

I know I'm not the only one...but sometimes it seems that way. I was reading these posts and couldn't believe I was reading my own story! And the mother "thing"...not being protected...being blamed...that's just as hard as the abuse. I was sexually abused from about the age of 3 from my father. My mother found out when I was 14 and accused me of trying to seduce my father. (I didn't even tell her how long it had been going on...she never would have believed me.) I was treated like an outcast from that day on, still to this day. I was called a liar and even crazy. I'm 55 now and it still has a profound affect on my life. I don't know what "normal" is...normal sex, normal affection...the difference between affection and lust or what is "going over the line?" I've been accused of being crazy again by boyfriends because I just don't "get it." I never found one who would help me try to get over this. I'm in a reationship now and he refers to it as "my problem," that I have to get over. His whole attitude is "get over it." Well, gee, what does he think I've been trying to do my whole life? When he acts this way its like my parents all over again, standing over me when the abuse was exposed, accusing me and demanding my silence and telling me I was crazy. That's what I feel he's doing. He just doesn't understand that I need his help. 

Anyway, I'm glad to see Dr Phil has this board here. I've been searching for somewhere to talk about this and to find others who know what I feel and who understand. Thanks for listening.

Reading your post is like looking in a mirror.

I don't understand why however, I know it is common for the abuser to blame or accuse the abused. My mother slapped me in the face and wanted to know what I did to lead my stepfather on. She is in total denial about my childhood.  I cannot or will not have any relationship with her. She has mentally rewritten my entire childhood. Everything that I say is a lie and she denies everything. I know she is ashamed of not protecting her children and will take her lies to the grave and I need to stay away from her.

My advise to you is find a good counselor. You will never be a whole person. Maybe you can find comfort in knowing there are many of us who share your experiences.

I think we, collectively speaking, grief for a family we never had and never will ... for unconditional love.

I would love to have closure. I do not even entertain the idea. Wendy I am glad that your stepfather apologized. I will not have the chance at admission of guilt let alone an apology. My stepfather died in a mental hospital of  an alcohol related illness.

Thank you for you feed back and understanding.

Holly

Oh God that must've been awful, being slapped in the face. I wasn't slapped, but I might as well have been. My mother is also in total denial of my childhood...its like she's rewritten it.  I've tried to get her to talk about it or even acknowledge it and she always acted like she has no idea whatsoever what I'm talking about. But, two years ago I was beaten up by my alcoholic brother. (There again, denial...because they act like he's a fine upstanding citizen!) I haven't spoken to him since and have really suffered serious setbacks since that happened. My mother pesters me to "forgive" him and acts like what he did was nothing. One day she said to me sarcastically, "You can't forgive him but you forgave your father!" (I guess that's what she thinks because I stayed silent like I was ordered to and pretended everything was okay to keep peace in the family!) She went on to say, "I never will! I'll never forget what it did to me!" That's the first time she has ever acknowledged it really did happen. But it happened to her not me! I haven't spoken to her either since that conversation. I just can't. it blew me away.

Anyway, thanks for the reply. it helps to know you're not alone. I hope you're doing okay.

Linda