Topic : How Childhood Abuse Still Affects Me

Reading the stories here certainly brings back memories. I am actually healed and have overcome the tragedies of my life. It takes a lot of work and committment to get through the process but certainly worth it. I went through group therapy which was offered through my church with professional counselors and all. I was a very quiet and timid child and though I was coming out of that personality by the time I became a young adult, I had problems talking one on one with any one and refused the counseling but thr group counseling was wonderful, we talked if we wanted to or we just listened to ne another. We did a lot of reading and journaling and hands on projects that was very helpful. One thing that I learned was that the abuse was not my fault and no matter how I tried to convince myself that it was, the fact still stood, it was not. Children cannot control their environments and they do not choose their acquantances(spelling bad here)and so forth. Those of you who believe or have been told that it is your fault that you were abused, ditch those those thought and ditch those people, they are nothing but lies and a way not to allow you to confront your fears and abuse and it will prevent you from succeeding in lfe. I have not read Dr. Phils book but have heard nothing but good about it, there are many good resorces and people out there to help, it is a matter of keep looking and not to give up til you get what yopu need. It is good to have a good support team wheter it is a couple of good friends or the boards here, support and encouragement are imporant here to get trhough the healing. For me, I never had the opportunity to confront my abuser as by the time I was able to locate the family, he had already deceased, but I was willing and ready. Through the process of my journey, I learned that it was not my fault and I had the power to get through this and that the outcome was all up to me. I learned not only to forgive my self of the guilty feelings that I had but to forgive my abuser, for I learned that I am only accountable to myself and not to any one else and that no one on this earth could take control of my life unless I allowed them to, it was up to me to take control of things and I went for it, many tears were shed, anger and resentment were big issues for me, many prayers were lifted up for me through this process and through all the reading, journaling and prayers, I realized that I was created for a purpose and that was purpose was a wonderful plan and it certainly was not for any one else to intrude on my life. The process is not easy but with love and support, encouragement and the determination, it is possible to overcome the evil of abuse. My prayers are with every one here, be good to your self and get the help that yopu need and take your time, there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Thanks for the reply

My abuse started when I was in diapers, physical and sexual. My mom was a participant and the abuse didn't stop until I was 19. I got out of the house. I had so many abusers that I can't count them on both hands. Some family some boyfriends of my mom. The brainwashing that goes on with it is terrible.

 

I was a successful person and had a great life, then BAM, flashbacks of all the trauma and abuse I recieved sent me in a downward spiral.

 

Sorry labelfree that I am not where you are now, I was once and hope to be again soon I just feel that if people aren't where you are then you think to hell with them. It is real hard to make it through each day for some of us.

 

I am glad that you all are doing well But remember that not everyone is there just yet. This board is also to help people like me that aren't there yet, I thought.

I have been verbal, mentally, and physically abused from my father at only a couple of months old to the age 30.  My ex-husband and ex-b/f's also abused me...because I let them. When I fought back...it only made things worse!  After a hiatus of men for 3 years, a career change, and new life, I met this wonderful man that changed my life!  Or so I thought.  He doesn't abuse me, but makes me relive the pain I went thru.  I am angry, take things out on him...and have really ruined our life and future together.  We don't make love anymore, we don't talk...just yell.  He goes to therapy for issues with his family...which are completely different than what I grew up with.  I live with the issue of him growing up with a silver spoon in his mouth, and I had nothing...I earned everything I ever received!  He makes me feel like it's a sin.  He recently quit his job 3 months ago to pursue a new career, but has nothing but a dead end.  Everyday, I deal with his loss.  When I joined him in his therapy session...I didn't think his therapist dealt with his depression.  I have been thru many years to get to a good point in life...and now I'm back to where I was when I was a teen.  I'm pursuing therapy myself, but I feel like there is no hope...do you ever get over the hate and distrust completely??!!

There is ALWAYS........... ALWAYS HOPE   xoxoxoxoxo

Also  I know someone Very famous said but I don't know who it was at this moment and I don't know how to check truly but "that which does not kill us, makes us stronger"  ALSO  If you are a Christian and you are VERY close to GOD you make look at this as a true BLESSING what your going through really...These tests we are given which strengthen us which SEEM to weaken us really bring us closer to our FATHER in HEAVEN IF we handle them CORRECTLY and IT IS "YOUR MAN who truly needs to be looked at as the meek one....Does that make any sense baby?

 

YES you have earned EVERYTHING  can you see why  he IS SO EMASCULATED and is switching jobs in mid stream and why your NOT making love?
YOU SQUASH HIM IN EVERY WAY  even though he would never dare speak that out loud!

For a long time I didnt But as time goes on...No matter what I do think we are all special....What do you all think?

Hey Mjkkas, remember me? lol.... I don't particularly care for the new set up either but I'll get use to it I guess. They moved the other board and put it under "support" in case you didn't know. Well, that's where I've been writing these past few days. It's good to see your still posting and all. I hope your doing ok. Talk to you l8ter.

 

Oreo84

Cannot stay in a victim role...Got to move on....Got to get strong...I had to find a new life that was going to work for me...Had to make changes had to live my life fruitfully....I needed to talk about it talk about it talk about....Reach inside myself.....Purge the pain.....Read that book...CRY  and than POOF>>>>I thought it was all over....But as the days pass and I still visit here I still cry hot tears and I identify so much with all of you I have so much compassion with each one of you I guess there is so much more work that really needs to be done.

 

The role of a child abuse survivor is to purge there pain and I guess as Dr. Phil says use it as a catalyst as a healing agent but then what?  Do I have to live with the residual effects of abuse forever?

 

Am I forever corroded?  Come on Dr. Phil  right a follow up or send some one else who knows because I don't!  Am I just suppose to feel these hot tears?

WE CHANGE.............

 

 

Henry DAVID THOREAU

I remember you, Have you heard from Solo22 or Pastel----  (I can't remeber the other letters) Donna? I missed the boards and wondered if they had gotten rid of the sex abuse one. Thanks for telling me where it is. I'll go there and visit too. Hope you have a great day!