Topic : How Childhood Abuse Still Affects Me

That is a great letter, you are very good at keeping your cool and staying on task. Not always easy, maybe it took some time to write. Don't hold your hopes up on getting any kind of reply. That would mean that she acknowledged what she did and then she would have to face it and deal with it. Probably won't happen. But if it does then go from there. The important thing to remember is that you got it out and you can find where to go from there, maybe :P!  Good job! 

  

mj 

Thanks mj. Once again you said something that makes sense to me,

I know I didn't do anything bad, I just can't talk to people about it. I thank you for your encouriging words.  It is nice to talk to someone who knows what I am talking about. I didn't know about the online therapy. where do I look for someone ? It is much easier for me to talk online than in person.  I can say what I feel better.  Again...thank you ! 

  

  

  

  

  

 LF 

http://drphil.com/articles/article/216/ 

  

I can't remember where I saw that on line therapy but could probably do that in the search engine "On line Therapy" and see what comes up. The above link is from the Dr. Phil boards, RAINN is a good one I have heard. Anyway talk here all you want and you can try the dairies on the boards too. Can do private or share. 

  

mj 

Do you think it is important to remember everything that happened ?  I will look up RAINN, thanks.    

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  LF 

That is up to you, I have had therapists Say both ways, No you don't need to ever talk about it and one say that is the only way to heal. I think you have to find someone that will do what you think you need to do. If you need to know and talk about it in order to heal then that is what you need to do. 

  

If you just want to learn to change your thinking on things then do that,let you be the guide, you will know what is best for you, really. Sometimes validations is what you need the most. When I would go into therapy with a memory and she would tell me it didn't matter, I felt crushed. It did matter! It was hurting me and to say that just made me hide even more in shame and hurt. 

  

mj 

 I guess I would want to remember because..." I ", can't deal with something unresolved.  How can I fix something if I can't remember. I only remember little bits.   I guess I want to know what all happened. But how do I remember something that I don't remember ?   Did you have this problem ?

I even went and had hypnosis, the thing is your subconscious will only what you can handle to come out. It is hidden because we couldn't handle it as children and so it comes bit by bit as we get older and can handle it. Doesn't seem like we can sometimes though does it. I still get memories and bits and pieces here and there. We can't rush it even if we try, just deal with what comes up take it easy and if you buy that book, believe me you will want it to take time.  

  

It is a good book and even has some exercises for you to do and you don't have to start form the beginning, Start wherever you want.  

 I will try to find the book.   So I can't remember things when I want.  I find that disturbing kind of.  I wish I could remember everything so I could get on with a normal life.  My life is so screwed up because of the abuse.  I don't feel like the way I feel is normal feelings.  I want nothing to do with intimacy but rather look for their personality. Is this wrong ? Or should I " get over it" sort of thing?  Is it wrong not to want intimacy ?

You are normal! stay here on this board and the Childhood Sexual Abuse board is a good one too under support. You will see that what you are  feeling is normal, you can't get over it, sorry. Wish it were that easy, but it's not. 

  

Compared to someone that has not been sexually abused and does not feel what you feel then they are not normal. Because what you feel is normal, the intimacy and the whole feeling normal thing., that is all normal. Make sense? Just say to yourself, I am normal!! 

  

mj