Topic : How Childhood Abuse Still Affects Me

 

 Dear Readers,

 I am posting this question in this message board since I couldnt find a more appropriate place. I have a friend who has anger issues and he is very disconnected to people, sometimes even his own family. I recently learned that his mother had been using "pills" to miscarry him uptil the 8th month of pregnancy while she was carrying him. (Basically it was "unwanted" and "unplanned") I was very shocked, and I want to know does that affect the health of a baby, and does that affect the mental capacity of a human being? I dont know where to turn, and I desparately want to help him....

Looking for answers...

I wish there was something more that society would do to put incestous behaviour in the fore. It is happening in almost every family and it is so disgusting. Not until we are adults most of us find the courage to say something about being abused and then its already too late for the molester.

I was abused by my dad  from the age of 13 to 20 when I finally had the courage to leave home and let me tell you, over the years i had complained to my mom, family doctor, police, ran away a few times and yet it continued. To be honest I was not sure if I was his daughter or his girlfrend.

I have learned to forgive, but it haunts me to this day. I am married to a wonderful man, but I am glad we dont have any girl child. Although I grew up knowing my father was a cheater this has also affected my marriage, I am suspicious of every female, I dont have a girlfriend, just to avoid being paranoid.

And I am paranoid, he assures me that all  is well, afterall he stayed with me despite knowing that my father molested me, he was the one that helped me get some phychiatric help.

Anyway, my dad and I are talking, maybe because I now know how much he regretted what happenend or maybe its my religious belief and that he is now a baptized christian. Like I say though, more needs to be done to these family molesters. Thank you.

I am so sorry for what you went through, i too went through abuse from my step-dad for many years, i was so young when it started that i did not know what to think, but as i got older i knew what was wrong, and today at my age, i know that my mother knew what was going on and never cared enough about us girls, 4 of us, to step in..i got married at 17 just to get out of the house , that lasted for 13 years and 3 children later, now i am married to a wonderful man for 23 years, he has been so wonderful to my children, they love him..yes i was scared because of the strp-parent thing and he knew it..but i so lucked out, i have been damaged for all my life , i have gone to therapy , anything that would help me, i can live with it better today..but it will never ever go away..Some one told me once that he payed because he dies, oh no i said we all have to die , he did not pay at all..

I so wish we could talk one on one.. i will check this agin..

Hi, I too am sorry to hear about your pain, it never goes away and although I forgave my dad and is able to speak to him now, still amazes me. It took me many years and sufferation to finally forgive him, afterall I know sometimes i do stuff that is unforgivable to some people and yet they will tell me they forgive me.

Look, its not easy being an abused person worst if you are married and have kids, you have to look for the small things everyday, so how do we get to enjoy life? I tell you, I just stopped letting my dad control my thoughts and my life. I thought about when i was younger almost everyday, wishing he was dead, yet as i read your story I see that keeping the hurt until he is dead wont solve anything.

Be strong my dear, we all suffer with each other.

I really thought only I lived with the daily nightmares of the abuse I went threw for years . It started when i was going into grade three and was a weekly thing . Every thursday night my parents went out and every night my brother abused me physically mostly sexually.

When he got violent he became aroused then it turned into a rape . It happened so many times I could never count . I have tried everything to get passed this and decided to write a book maybe that would help and i have been working on it for years. Everytime I get working on it i get physically sick and have to stop. I know i am pulling at memories I have away but really physically sick.

A few years ago my sister told my mom that this had happened under her nose for years and she never knew. (BUT thats a wholle other story in itself)    In a quest to deal with her grief now mom asks me questions about it and I really dont know how to feel about that either .

My brother died when i was 16 which I cant say I was sad about yet he haunts me everyday .

I truely believe thats why I have such a problem with guys ....I dont date because i ATTRACT ABUSERS

I lived threw one and wont make that mistake again.

SO THANKS for letting me babble and if anyone has any suggestions on how to get rid of these ghosts I would welcome it .

I can understand everyone's abuse ,being abused myself....my foster mother denied every thing ,she said her husband would never do that....he apolojized to me ....the next morning i was dropped off at the cps office...when i was about 24 or so i went to oregon to visit my sister and my foster sister ,who i love dearly...i got together with that fostermother and we talked about the molestation ,this is what she said ..........you shouldn't have said anything ,because when i was growing up and my dad was doing that to me .........my mother told us children to just act like it isnt happening...so we all survive but ,we have to learn how to cope and that my dear i have found to be a life long process.....so i will do as you are doing and keep looking for the ghosts to go away.

My name is Sarah Gumm. I am a 21 year old college student who has just recently shared with my family that I was sexually abused for 8 years of my childhood. The sexual abuse started when I was 4 years old by my Great Uncle on my mom's side of the family. It lasted until I was approximately 11 or 12 years old. This has taken its toll on me emotionally, physically, and mentally. I went through a period of cutting myself when I was 13 until I was 18. I was a very frustrated and angry child. I can proudly say I have not cut myself for over 2 years now. I did not tell my secret to any one until I got engaged to my fiancé’, Zach. The reasons why I didn’t tell my secret varies from because I was scared to the fact that my father farmed his farmland. That farm land helped make up 1/3 of our household income. I also did not want to burden my family with this issue and felt it would be better if I just kept it in. However, during premarital counseling I realized that was not a healthy way to live. When I told my parents and family members about the sexual abuse we decided to pursue criminal and civil actions.  In the beginning of the criminal trial we got my uncle, my abuser, to admit to sexually abusing me. He confessed in a letter he wrote to me apologizing for what he did and he also verbally confessed to my mother and to the police; both confessions were recorded!! However, he is pleading not guilty and has drug this trial out for now almost 2 years. I have really good lawyers but he always seems to keep winning. I am frustrated because it seems he is always getting his way; shouldn’t it be the other way around?  I AM the victim HE IS the abuser! He is a wealthy man and I fear he may be doing some 'under-the-table business' with people concerning the case. Not only do I fear that but every one seems to be going easy on him because of his age.  He was 66 when he abused me and is currently 86 years old. I do not feel that he should get an easier punishment, if any thing, I feel he should get a harsher one for he should have known better.  Also, we are not suing him for what he could do in the future but for what he has already done in the past!! I just am so angry because the law has allowed a person who has confessed 3 times of his sexual abuse and yet he is still walking the streets 2 YEARS AFTER it was brought to the authorities’ attention. I am writing you this in hopes that maybe I might be able to shed some light on not only sexual abuse and its effects, but how the justice system seems to deal with offenders, or lack there of.  I am also hoping you could help me in some way, some how, with my case. I have begun to feel that bringing this out into the open has been a mistake due to the lack of results I have seen. I do not want to feel that telling this secret has been pointless, however, I cannot help but to feel that way for I have not seen the law punish him for his crimes he has committed. I want to get some justice; I feel it is only fair. I am permanently scared by his actions and have to live and deal with what has happened to me for the rest of my life. Why should he get off scot-free while I’m having to serve a life sentence?  I do not know what to do any more....

 

UPDATE:

My abuser just got an incompetent to stand trial. Yet again, another let down and this one made me furious. I am furious because he lives on his own, pays his own bills, takes care of himself, drives his own car, goes to dinners with friends, goes to church, and runs his own errands… but yet he is too incompetent to stand trial. If he is incompetent, aren't I? I mean, I do all the things he does. I am so frustrated that no one seems to care about the truth or the fact that a person who has admitted to sexually abusing a 4 year old for 8 years is getting off scott-free. THIS is exactly why people who have been abused do not come forward. This man has admitted to abusing me 4 times and 3 of which are recorded!! Why isn't he in jail? Why is he allowed so many rights while I get none? Why does he get away with this? I feel that there is no justice in this world and people do not care about anyone else but themselves. I didn't come forward with all of this to just get re-victimized and hurt all over again. I didn't come forward with all of this to not get listened to and to not get some justice. I came forward so I could possibly help future victims. I came forward to help myself and those around me. I came forward so I could get justice and closure. And I also came forward with hopes of someday sharing my story. I wanted to share my story so that people would understand that this is a serious issue that has serious effects. With this, I felt it was my last chance to get heard. I appreciate you taking the time to read this...

 

 

Sarah E. Gumm