Topic : How I Got Help

Hey Are you going to school today you lucky stiff?  I would love it too...I am so very proud of you.... 

Just being around you gives me a buzz... 

  

If anyone is mean at you at school carry me around with you in your back pocket and know truly I AM 100 percent proud of you and I am your true friend and they are JEALOUS of your brain.... 

  

I think that young girl will be okay.. 

  

But I swear I was going to go up and help her.. 

  

I don't even know if she lived up in Montreal..But even though it is 8 hours away  one time depending on what time you leave from here I made it in like 6.5  straight up 87!  Ha! 

  

Hey I heard since I was living there they have Casino's NOW? 

  

I gave up gambling too...Not that I was a big time gambler or anything like that but it still in my op/ goes and works off the same part of the brain the pleasure point and I am no longer feeding that animal in my brain ya know  addiction is addiction addiction..... 

  

I am just so f'ing sick of all the b sh*t/ 

  

My father was a closet drunk  so his invisible BS was hard to deal with..I think if he actually drank blantley straight up at least we could of seen okay Dad's sucking down beers or booze thats why he is a J.O. and an AH  I could have had alot more respect for him....not a closet  clink her the ice cubes hitting the glass..... 

in the pantry  having his bad behavior  picking up sneaky inviable behavior  thats some sick sh**. 

  

I didn't deserve that and I will NOT further own someone else crap  sorry not this girl.. 

TOO MANY YEARS OF PAIN 

  

THIS IS HOW I AM GETTING HELP... 

Hey take it from me  DON'T OWN YOUR PARENTS CRAP...get it off your back NOW! 

As far as my MOTHER HUH! Ms. Passive aggressive....she took took took took WHATEVER! 

  

You don't have to sit there and listen to her sob stories... 

There has to be some sort of 1-800 #'s up in Montreal I know there is/// 

  

It is a parents RESPONSIBILITY to allow there children to come thru them and set them free... 

Its your job as a kid young adult to LEARN and go to school and take that beautiful brain and take it to the next level and create those new formulas and take no prisoners and be the EG I know you are! 

  

Fly away GUILT FREE and be just be.....Momma needs help but its not your job to fix her its HER JOB!  Its only your Job to fix you and to be my friend     xooxox hehehehexoxoxo and who ever else friend you want to be  and be the most creative kind hearted person giving person you can be.. 

  

This world is so much better because you are here! 

Hearing you talk about wanting to help that girl...you are just one the the greatest people I've ever met. I mean, you're so passionate about helping others and feeling with them; I hope you know how rare and truly special that really is. I read your bible post on the Depression board today, and it was so beautiful. I wish I really could carry you in my back pocket.

I just got home......I am pretty scared today....As I told you I work for my brother you asked what I do and to answer your question honestly the answer is WHAT don't I do truly....I thought about the answer to your question this afternoon.. My brother is a builder and he has several corporations.  He owns a bar with two apts that as of right now are not completely renovated yet.. 

  

He just sold his liquor store Friday. 

  

He had tenants and he lives in a mansion and I am NOT kidding and this IS not dramatic LICENSE here I only speak 100 percent truth in my life but ILL make you a promise  when I want to go into fantasy ILL make you aware of it some how because I do wish in my heart to be a published writer a best seller one day.... 

  

So let me get back to the mansion... 

  

Its him his two dogs and ALOT I MEAN ALOT OF EMPTY ROOMS... 

  

Here's the real deal...He used to/////boot up///shoot up////bang//  inject himself with HEROIN for YEARS then he went in for treatment....yeah...good....then he got straight right? 

  

Well no...not really...he just took his addictions and flipped it into making money and became productive....the "demons still lived inside him....he never addressed ANYTHING THAT HARMED HIM... 

so the ugly monster's festered and then he two years called me to come work for him and I did and it was great...we reconnected after years of not really knowing each other....I worked with him until BOINK the ugly monster re surfed.....He started to drink.....I saw the old game....I started working more and more hours........he started getting more and more verbally abusive and i just kept taking and taking then I said STOP.......... 

  

He went into rehab and this is where I feel very guilty...two weeks into his treatment it was me who had to make the call to him and tell him our Father died......he said...OH KNOW...before I told him over the phone I spoke to his therapist  we set up the car ride back  etc.... 

  

He was going to Father Martin In Maryland...... 

  

He is now sick....He started to drink again along I believe other stuff...He does need me though....Not like oh he needs me because I am a sap....I think in my heart he is really really sick and not just being addictive......He has hep B.......I'm scared for him and I'm shaky inside.. 

  

I cleaned and prayed over his whole house and ordered the devil out! 

  

I collected all monies from the bar and did the same thing when no one was around... 

  

I did inventory of all products and checked out security systems and did banking and shopping. 

  

I am actually just staying busy until I know this sounds funny but I am waiting on a much bigger project that GOD has green lighted me on.....Now EG does that sound like I am OUT THERE because MY husband thinks I am WAY out there...Do you think so?  Please just tell me like it is...xoxo 

  

Please write back when you can.....By the way...In case you didn't notice...I cannot take a compliment to save my life....It makes me feel all weird inside between me you and the lamp post....like a million gazillion lighting bolts....So its weird to here nice compliments but thank you for saying nice things to me and i am glad were friends I don't want you to think I'm weird or anything... 

  

I posted some poems and stuff on Oprah.com don't tell anybody k... 

  

On shared diary section under gratitude and other stuff...EG can you go and read some and older stuff since you in school and please give me a critical critique no BS  I saw your in Lit I would appreciate your true eye no blowing smoke....up you know where...it would mean alot to me if you have time truly.....If I suck tell me that too.....I need to here it from a totally objective party OKAY I will be prepared to hear WHATEVER your truth is okay!  Talk tomorrow  xoxo  

Heck don't worry if you don't take compliments well; I don't exactly know how to do that either. I'm going to read your Oprah journal tomorrow if I can get in (that's okay right?) and then I'll write back. I actually want to do it now, but the meds I just took are making me pass out and type like a drunken person. and it's only 11:15 here. talk to you soon. Bye. xxxoooxxx Kat.

I read the diaries you wrote in the Gratitude section and I'm going back to read the other ones later. Can I say wow? WOW! My favorite ones were "Please See", "Creative Mind", "Mental Illness" and "Wheelchair Annie". Your sister Karen sounds like an amazing and strong person. I really really liked "Hope"; I like the cage image (I use that one too). It was so insightful...I've had that feeling too but never managed to express it so well. Thank you so much for sharing you journal with me.

Wow...?  .....

I'm so sorry I'm being self-centered on the other boards; please don't hate me...

you need to do you...Ill catch up with you when your ready....I want to share a really cool phone call I just got with you I am pretty happy actually first thing that made me smile havent done that in a while..... 

  

Has to do with here... 

  

Write soon cutie  xoxo 

Oh, please share the phone call. If it made you smile maybe I can mooch some vicarious lighthearedness.