Topic : How I Got Help

Can you please be a little more clear.  Do you wish to speak to people who were victims of what?  Battering in the past?  Can you please give a complete and clear definition as to the law what  the definition is I am sure that will differ from state to state. 

It is great the world has people like you in it fighting for the rights of others and I am defiantly sure you will get the grant money.    

Here is a brief history(I will try to make it brief) 

I met my husband when I was 13, he was 14. We started dating that day. We had some kind of connection, I know that sounds cheezy but we did and still do. Anyways, within the first couple of months as I got to know the real guy inside him the cycles started. He became extremly controling, not letting me have friend, not letting me smoke or doing anything. He was very abusive in all forms possible. I stuck with him for 2 years. I finally broke and moved out of the city to stay with my gramma leaving no way for him to contact me because I was terrified of his reaction. He as I feared became suicidal trying to overdose on over the counter meds and trying at all cost to contact me. He commited to a youth mental facility and they tried to treat him but at this point he was untreatable. All he could do was miss me and wanted me back. After a few months I moved back home, began a new relationships and partied all summer long. I drank every night and hung out with drug addicts etc... My husband I will call him 'R' was doing a bit better, he was trying to move on. He was also involved in drinking, drugs and unfortunatly petty crimes like breaking into cars etc... I saw him one day as I was driving with my new boyfriend (who I might add was a diagnosed schizophrenic) and I saw Rob and instanly wanted to see him again. So of course within 2 hours I had contacted him and asked if we could see each other and boom! the Cycle started again. At first I was in complete control but he slowly started to become abusive again. That was 9 years ago. Everything just continued to get woarse and better, woarse and better. 

In 2000 we got married after finding out I was pregnant. Things were okay. The abuse continued through out my pregnancy. We had neighbors phone the police on us on our honeymoon night because we were fighting over what clothes I should bring on our fishing trip/homeymoon. We struggled financialy due to my husbands obsesive need to buy and have everything, and our pot smoking habit ( I DID NOT smoke pot through my pregnancy). We could not afford to pay for our rent, food, bills and if it was not for his mother we would of starved!  I worked a full time job that I loved and he was self employed/unemployed, and has always had a hard time with attending and behaving in school/work enviroments. Not to mention the fact that he has been on a go to bed at 4am get up at 3pm sleep scheduale virtualy his whole life. So things continued. Eventually his mother went completly broke, and my parents had been the co signer of numerous loan payments which were not being payed by us so they too were getting fed up. Nobody new our dirty little secrets, we were extreamly good at hiding them and for some reason I didn't reach out. My husband became irrate when we had no money so he was constantly finding ways to buy something expensive on credit and then sell it for cash, so needless to say we were making everyone broke and racking up a $20,000 +++ debt load. 

in 2002 I again got pregnant and we were excited things got better for a while, R worked quite a bit, I fluked out and got an amazing job I could do from home and still care for our 1yr old son. So we had money to fan the flames.  

In the summer 2003 he had a blow up in front of my family for the first time. My familyies reaction was strong, but not strong enough. I wouldn't really let them confront R for fear of his reactions to them. I finally was able to tell R that I thought he had some mental health issues and It was time for him to get them looked at or I was going to take the kids and leave. He did go to his doctor and they started him on anti-depressents right away. He bagan a very minimal does of EFFEXOR (75mg I think) So I guess in his mind he was trying now and thing would just poof get better. Well as you can imagine they did not get better. We moved far from home to try and persue a better life. I found my husband travelling home every two weeks leaving me and the kids alone all the time. Finally enough was enough and we moved back home. We moved into his parents house. so There was Me, R, and our 2 kids under 3 living with both his parents and his younger brother. And in the suite downstairs a family friend lived with his family of 4. We were all packed in this house for a year. During that year we made more financial errors and ended up Bankrupt with NOTHING to our names. I didn't mind so much but my husband sure did. Near the end of the year his sister began to have trouble in her life and needed to move home with her 1 yr old daughter!!!! I new it was time for us to move but we had basicaslly no income and no where else to go. 

This is where the story gets woarse but better.... 

I am under the impression that you only have 20 minutes so I will make another post with the rest of my story and how I need help. 

Stay Tuned 

His Family was blended. His real father whom he didn't have much contact with since age of 5 passed away from hard drug use while we were in our teens. So his 'step' family as people call them were always there for R but it was hard for him to accept them accepting him. So in October 2004 when we were in desperate and I mean deperate need of somewhere to live his 'step' grandparents offered to sell us there old motorhome so we could at least get our own space. We made a deal and bought it. We moved in and were excited. 1.5 months later my husband began to change again, he lashed out one day and almost lost us. His mom came running to our aid and took R straight to his doctor. Finally after 12 years of being with him I finally saw him see what he had been doing to us, he saw the marks inside and out on me and he saw the scares that he has emerging in our children. He was raised up on his EFFEXOR and put on Zyprexa. This did seem to help. He started to talk about being menatlly ill, he started to kind of research mental ilness and he was taking a more active role in getting better.  We were all proud of the strength it took him to admitt he had a mental illness. Now we were still living in the motorhome and Rob had not gotten physically abusive again in fact Nov.14 2002 was the last major physical incident, Rob was getting closer with his grampa and we were kind of on the right track. His Gramparents vacationed every year in mexico with there new motorhome so on Boxing day 2004 we all said our good byes and away they went. February 22nd 2005 we got news that changed our whole world. Our family was really sick the worst flu we have ever had, and all 4 of us packed in this motorhome had it coming out of both ends(sorry to be crude) and the phone rang. Grampa had been drowned in Mexico!!!!! My husband instantly spun into MAJOR DEPRESSION< FEAR<ANXIETY<PANIC!!!! Life changed forever. He was constantly in fear of dying, of us dying or a natural disaster, he constantly had the fight or flight feeling. He stayed couped up in the motorhome for about 3 months, he would cry, and cry and cry, he would get mad sometimes but not at me. He was a wreck he was even getting suicidal. He was going to his doctor every week, and they were trying different medicine like Ativan and clonazepam and they took him off zyprexa and put him back on it and nothing made a strong difference. Except the Zyprexa I really believe that it is a really good med for him.  They finally took him off EFFEXOR and put him on PAXIL. This has helped. We also sold our motorhome and moved into the suite of his parents house the moment it became available. This to has helped. 

I am taking a long time telling my story but there is so much to tell. 

Now we are living a non violent relationship but my husband is not the man he wants to be, and he has a huge problem with smoking pot. We are spending more than we make just on pot. Like 1000-1500 canadian a month!!!! and we only make like $1200 a month. My parents and his parents are footing the bill. I am begining to do unrational things like cashing my own cheques in my bank  that i know are going to bounce(Ithink they call that fraud)to get money for him. It is now completly controling him. I feel like we are addicted to cocaine or something. I have bounced so many payments this month and i lie to him and say oh yeah everything is paid because I am worried about him being stressed out about money etc... I have my sons 5th birthday party tomorrow afternoon and have no money for it!!! My parents have been giving us at least 700 a month and they can't keep doing it. And I need to ask for more money again. He has in past threatened that they would not get to be involved in our lives if they don't help us financially so they feel cornered. I will say again that R has an extreamly good heart when his is not controled by his own fears and mental illness he is the most loving, sincere, honest husband, father, son and friend and that is why I have stuck it out. Pot has controled us for to long and I don't know what to do? How do you confront a mentaly unstable person about this? How do I get him help without pushing him over the edge? How do I even let him know I think it is a problem? Telling him is the obvious awnser but I literally don't know how to tell him. If anyone has any advice please tell me! I have been thinking about commiting my life to God but don't know how to do this either? I just want to be a healthy person, not this lying, worried, frustrated, irritatable person I have become. I am not the person I want to be and my children are starting to suffer (They don't have there happy go lucky mom they once had, I am always consumed with money and finding money and finding more money to keep the home front calm) Please help? 

Hi rachel 2005. I've been given diferent diagnosis with each different Dr. for 10 yrs. My recent diagnosis is schitzo-effective and although I had a hard time coming to terms with it (this is the first time saying the words to someone other than my Dr.)as I set out to disprove it I found It to be very accurate and a releif to have an explaination. Anyway, the first thing they tried me on was Geodon. At first I thought it was great but  after a couple of days I was chasing the first effect and I started getting very sick. A few years ago I was on wellbutrin and it made me feel major panic. They insisted I stay on it for yrs in spite of my telling them it made me feel psycotic(yhis was before they knew the whole story) When I was on the Geodon I was able to really separate,experience, and feel the difference between the two disorders. I actually saw and felt like I was riding this wave without the extreme emotional chaos. It helped me understand this illness from an objective point of veiw,so no time lost! I'm a rapid cycler so what is heping me now so far is prozac for the black-hole,a mood stablizer (nuerontin)so I don't go to the other extreme(it also helps w/ pain such as fibromyalgia). My mind was very stressed and my Dr was afraid I'd go into full psycosis and she kept suggesting the hosp. She put me on Abilify and it was gradual (a few days). I've been doing pretty good so far. I hope this helps. 

Have you even begun your Christmas shopping?  I have not.....What is up with that? I have No clue....Hope your no smoking thing is going well.....I am doing better....Cycles in this house are doing very well for now....It's just plain weird!  I have great friends to visist and to talk to and choices etc.. 

Ill talk to you this up coming week......I just cannot help these newbies here at the moment do you think you can and at a later time I will help once things get more settled with me?  I want them to feel welcomed however with what is going on with me and i HATE to seeem selfish because I am NOT at all I would be ripping them off/  xoxoxo 

I hope you are staying warm and eating!  I often think about and miss chatting with you.  I hope no one is picking on you or I will drive up to Montreal and KICK la French booote for my buddy okay! 

How much more time do you have left in school anyway as you can tell i am living way way vicareslously thru you you EG!    xoxoxo Write me soon!  xoxox