I have decided I think I need some professional help so more professional help on my childhood abuse issues. Whether that is going away in somewhere and obtaining it or seeking it weekly I am not sure yet. 
 
I have also made up last night with my HUSBAND. You know its coming up on a year anniversary of my Father's death and its weird but just now a year later I am starting to feel safe like okay now your really dead...to feel all the anger he put me...my siblings threw...Does that sound twisted? What about your Dad if you don't mind me asking? I am sorry maybe you actually told me but let the truth be told sweetie I have been actually SUCKED into this trance state not like time for a phychward trance I am living breathing functioning dreaming...etc...Doing my duties in life taking care of my sweet babies my sweet step son and all I come into contact with but let the truth be known When no one is looking I cry... 
 
I'm crying now as I am tying...I cry when I'm in a bathroom stall when My husband is trying to be nice and takes me out to dinner.. 
This purging process of childhood abuse came out like a fierce venomous attack on the people closet's to me and in all fairness although my husband knew about my childhood issues he is in noway capable of emotionally physiologically spirituality able to handle the demons. Its not fair to him. Our marriage..My children or my step son. Actually its NOT FAIR TO ME THE ORIGINAL PERSON IT HAPPENED TOO. 
 
I geuss what I am saying to you KID and I mean that ahhh so lovingly is that we all have problems me,.... you....your MOM......Maybe instead of just sitting there and letting her go BLAH BLAH BLAH share this site with her... 
 
Let her talk to me too because we are the same age... 
 
Tell her I said she is being unfair to you....Let her curse me out here...Believe me I CAN TAKE IT... 
Then we all three of us can be friends... 
Look at your life like a jig saw puzzle....Your parents put a peice down....Your childhood add another...Some little kid times....another peice...Pretty soon youll start to see the BIG PICTURE OF YOUR LIFE,,,,,,Its NOT A BAD LIFE....LIFE IS SUPPOSE TO BE HAPPY....LETS GET HAPPY!