Quote From: tiffany478Things have been rocky in my household for some time. My husband and I are fighting and it mainly deals with the fact that he won't admit that he has OCD tendencies (ie the handwashing, cleaning, arranging things just so, counting the number of times that he rubs lotion onto each ear, and a ton more). These problems have become very hard for me to ignore and I am tired of running around doing things for him because he just can't handle it or I just can't handle him constantly asking me to check things (his hands, feet, clothes, etc) over to make sure they are ok (10 times). It makes me feel like I am an enabler, a role that I don't want. When I do say no, he tells me I am not being nice to him and cops an attitude. The more stress he is under, the worse this all gets. He snaps when the children (ages 3 and 1) don't clean up every few minutes while playing with their toys or they don't arrange things in an order that suits him. I have also noticed that my son (3 years old) is picking up on my husband's "habits" and I am very concerned about this and wonder if my daughter will be next. My questions are how much of OCD is habit that can be unlearned and how much is not. I am tired of this problem controlling our family. If he continues to ignore the issues, this constant strain is going to cause our family to split. Can anyone suggest anything to help me cope with this problem and suggestions for help for him? I just don't want my children to grow up in this unhealthy environment and hate me later on for not trying to do something about it.
From what you have stated, it seems your husband has OCD but it would be best for him to be evaluated by a trained psychologist who has trainning in OCD and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). OCD left untreated does not improve. Cognitive Behavior Therapy with Exposure and Response Prevention is the standard treatment.
OCD is not a thought or habit disorder but an anxiety disorder. What therapy would help your husband do is to not give into the urge to do the ritual. What's happening now to your husband is he's having thoughts that are causing him anxiety. To alleviate the anxiety he is and you are performing rituals (actions) to alleviate his anxiety (the compulsion). The focus in therapy is not on the thoughts, which honestly we can't control, infact it makes it worse if you try and control your thoughts. The focus is learning how to live with the anxiety and not perform the ritual. The anxiety will dissapate over time.
While it is tempting to perform therapy yourself on your husband there are techniques therapists use to make therapy more successful. I would make an appointment ASAP. This can be worked on and treated. He may not be 100% cured but will have large improvements.
See also articles by Steve Phillipson. They should be of some help as well.
James Rankine
OCD Foundation
