It appears as though my husband has ocd. I knew the symptoms a bit, because that is something that I have had to live with. I used to count how many times I would stir my coffee, and breathed out when passing people to not breath in their exhale. I couldn't eat different colored M&M's at the same time, things like that. I learned that the more I gave in to a new obsession, the worse the obsession would get. I heard that it was a control issue, and so if I chose something, like I did, not eating different colored M&M's and exhaling when passing people, then the other obsession just sort of went away. I accepted a couple and let go of the rest. I catch myself when I begin to obsess over something, and then I just kick back and forget about the thing I was going over board over. But, it isn't like that for my husband. He obsesses over lots of things, currently, he is completely over board for Madonna. He chats with people all the time about her, and it's the women he chats with that worries me. He always obsesses over women.
I know, our marriage is hanging by threads from him flitting from one obsession to another. He gets mad at me if I tell him he can't have that photo of Madonna or he can't watch that show because it has his fettish on it. He says "why do you have to be that like this?!"
If I am to tell him that he has to see a counselor, he won't do it. He'll say I'm always blaming him. He hates doctors. He'll say he hasn't time for us to see one. AND, he'll lie. He likes to lie to hide things. He thinks it cute. And if I don't think it's cute then I'm therefore a mean person.
We don't "talk" we haven't since we got married. He likes to tickle me. That's what he figures makes for a good conversation. I miss the conversations we used to have. We'd chat online, and over the phone. He lived over in England, and I in the States. I suppose I was his obsession at the time. He came to visit me every 4months staying for a month each time until we were married. Once we were married, no more long conversations, instead I'd get snide remarks like "I dont' know!" He went on to another obsession.
You know what, he now shares his thoughts with his friends, a lot of them women, on the Madonna website. Instead of talking about things with me, he talks to them. Now, he's adopted Madonna's relegion! He hated relegion before. He's joined online chat groups to discuss the Kaballa.
I don't know if today or some other day I should say "we need to talk". We can't "talk". He thinks everything is statusquo. He likes it this way. When we tried to talk about a budget, we didn't get anywhere. He said he liked how he did things. Or as he put it: "I think I'm doing a good job paying the bills" that was all he kept saying over and over and over and over again. That was as far as we got. No discussion. I was calm at first "yes honey, I think you are doing a good job. but lets discuss different things we might do." reply: "I think I'm doing a good job paying hte bills" and eventually, after about an hour of this I began ranting "is there something wrong with you? I already said you were doing a good job paying the bills. I'm asking what do you think of if we try something else." reply? "Don't insult me. I think I'm doing a good job paying the bills."
Don't know how a discussion about us needing counselling would do. I think I might just skip it. After all, he's not changed. He doesn't really care how his obsessions affect me. Last year, he was obsessed with War Craft and wouldn't even celebrate my birthday. He played war craft all day and all night. I sat alone in the other side of the house.
