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Topic : 07/09 "You Owe Me an Apology!"

Number of Replies: 120
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Created on : Thursday, July 05, 2007, 02:30:43 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
These guests want an apology from a loved one, but the loved one refuses to say he or she is sorry! Christie says her husband, Vance, has abused her physically and emotionally. She says that not only did she have to have him arrested, but that he’s disrespectful to his stepchildren and calls them names like “sissy” and “promiscuous whore.” He has even been fired from three jobs for alleged sexual harassment. Vance says he does not owe his wife an apology, and his name-calling is just preparing the kids for the real world. Then, Tammy says she’s furious with her husband, Charles, who got gastric bypass surgery against her wishes. She says the surgery changed him for the worst and turned him into a cheater. Charles says he’s never cheated on his wife, and refuses to apologize for a surgery that saved his life. Is Tammy the one who owes Charles an apology for her suspicious behavior? Share your thoughts, join the discussion.

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July 11, 2007, 12:25 am CDT

Danger !

He needs to leave the house now!

 

Social services need to supervise any visitation with his natural child.  He needs to stay away from wife and step children until he builds a new history.

 

Dr. Phil please involve the authorities in this dangerous situation!

 
July 12, 2007, 5:02 pm CDT

Apology Requested Audience

Interesting show. I noticed one woman in the audience who was obviously upset, in tears and worried by Christie & Vance talking of their home situation.  It looked to me as though the conversation was hitting a "close-to-home" nerve.  Perhaps the conversation reflected what was happening in her own life, therefore was reinforcing that what she was experiencing was indeed,  "not right"!

 

Vance needs a lot of counselling & help, or he will end up alone with no family at all and no one will care what happens to him.

 
July 12, 2007, 7:02 pm CDT

Dear chic

Quote From: ricschic

I just wanted to tell you that I second what you posted wholeheartedly, and I wish you much luck on your journey to peace. It's there...on the "other side". My avatar is a picture of a sunrise taken off my deck one morning...to me, it represents each day beginning anew. Each day something different...something BETTER. I've been where you are, and I know how you're feeling. It WILL get better. Good luck, I wish you absolutely the best.
Thank you for the great photo and encouraging response.  I saved the sunrise picture,  it will remind me of your words and spirit.  Thanks again and best to you.
 
July 13, 2007, 9:47 am CDT

HOW TO TREAT OTHERS AND FAMILY MEMBERS

In general, we don't learn much about healthy communication skills and interaction techniques in school or in our culture.  The only way we learn how to communicate and interact in relationships as adults is by what we see in our homes as we are growing up. 

 

 

HOW TO TREAT OTHERS (including family members): 

 

1.  Be kind, think kind thoughts, and use kind words

2.  Be gentle

3.  Take turns, be fair and share

4.  Be polite

5.  Care about others

6.  Be helpful

7.  Listen attentively  

8.  Respect the thoughts and feelings of others

9.  Give encouragement 

10. Cooperate with others

10a. Set healthy boundaries and be a worthy confidant

 

How to get posters for your family:

www.teachchildren.com/0768213932.html  

 

 

If you grew up in a family where you had to yell to be heard or acknowledged, while your partner grew up in a family where emotional outbursts were ignored or not tolerated, your divergent communication and interaction styles are going to get in the way of your long-term healthy bonding (with your partner and others). 

 

 

Hope it helps!

 

 
July 13, 2007, 7:28 pm CDT

Friday the 13th is not so unlucky!

Quote From: anon_slc

In general, we don't learn much about healthy communication skills and interaction techniques in school or in our culture.  The only way we learn how to communicate and interact in relationships as adults is by what we see in our homes as we are growing up. 

 

 

HOW TO TREAT OTHERS (including family members): 

 

1.  Be kind, think kind thoughts, and use kind words

2.  Be gentle

3.  Take turns, be fair and share

4.  Be polite

5.  Care about others

6.  Be helpful

7.  Listen attentively  

8.  Respect the thoughts and feelings of others

9.  Give encouragement 

10. Cooperate with others

10a. Set healthy boundaries and be a worthy confidant

 

How to get posters for your family:

www.teachchildren.com/0768213932.html  

 

 

If you grew up in a family where you had to yell to be heard or acknowledged, while your partner grew up in a family where emotional outbursts were ignored or not tolerated, your divergent communication and interaction styles are going to get in the way of your long-term healthy bonding (with your partner and others). 

 

 

Hope it helps!

 

Dear anon,

 

Thanks for the great list of how to treat others, it is helpful, something positive is just what I needed today.  Best to you.

 
July 14, 2007, 8:58 am CDT

13 CHILDREN DIE ON THE STREETS OF AMERICA EVERY DAY

In America there is a common misconception that children runaway from home because they are societal delinquents who want to be free of authority. The media depicts homeless and street kids as "rebels without a cause", as children who have no regard for society, who have no dreams and no aspirations for life but to get high.  

 

We know this portrayal of homeless and street kids to be false. In fact we know that 90% of children who run away have encountered mental, physical, emotional, and/ or sexual abuse. No child wants to live on the streets. No child wants to have to beg, steal, sell drugs, and/ or themselves just to survive.

 

More than half of the children on the streets are still under the age of 15.  Unable to legally work, these kids get involved in criminal activity just to survive.  Based on current estimates, there are more than one and a half million children, teenagers and young adults trying to survive on the U.S. streets today.  Children now make up 27 percent of the fastest growing segment of the U.S. homeless population.

 

For more info:  www.turnpurple.org 

 

The Turn Purple Campaign is the nations' first campaign against child abuse and the resulting problem of youth homelessness. 

 

 

 

DON'T RUNAWAY - TELL SOMEONE YOU CAN TRUST

 

 

Though harder to spot, emotional abuse is easier to deny.  But just as physical and sexual abuse have signposts to mark their presence, emotional abuse, being a systematic attack on one's sense of self, has common traits.  Just as physical and sexual abuse come in degrees of severity, emotional abuse runs the gamut of intensity and damage.

 

Anyone who had the misfortune of being raised by a parent who is or was cruel, vicious, vindictive, calculating, manipulative, a liar, a cheat, selfish or neglectful may benefit from reading some of my favorite books: 

 

 

Why is it Always About You?  The Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism by Sandy Hotchkiss AND Emotional Blackmail:  When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation and Guilt to Manipulate You by Susan Forward 

 

Get Me Out of Here:  My Recovery from Borderline Personality Disorder by Rachel Reiland OR Girl Interrupted by Susanna Kaysen OR The Angry Heart:  Overcoming Borderline and Addictive Disorders by Joseph Santoro and Ronald Cohen

 

Understanding the Borderline (Parent) Mother Helping Her Children Transcend the Intense, Unpredictable and Volatile Relationship by Christine Ann Lawson

 

Stop Walking on Eggshells by Paul Mason and Randi Kreger OR Surviving a Borderline Parent:  How to Heal Your Childhood Wounds & Build Trust, Boundaries and Self-Esteem by Kimberlee Roth and Freda Friedman  

 

Healing Anxiety and Depression (7 types of anxiety and depression) by Daniel Amen and Lisa Routh OR Getting Help:  The Complete and Authoritative Guide to Self-Assessment and Treatment of Mental Health Problems by Jeffrey Wood

 

How to Journal for Therapy:

http://arar.essortment.com/therapyjournali_repu.htm

 

 

If you tell your problem to someone that you can trust and still feel unhappy, unsafe, or uncomfortable, or if you don't trust anyone that you know, then you SHOULD CALL these numbers until you speak with someone you can trust:

 

National Runaway Switchboard  1-800-RUNAWAY or 1-800-621-4000

Covenant House Nine Line 1-800-999-9999

Child HELP USA 1-800-4ACHILD

Stand Up for Kids 1-800-365-4KID

Volunteers of America  www.voa.org

 

 

If you are unhappy or uncomfortable with something in your life it is up to you to change your situation and tell someone that you can trust. 

 

 

Hope it helps!

 

 

 
July 15, 2007, 7:39 am CDT

Using your experience.

Quote From: gratefulsue

Well, my jMother said it best to me whe I married at the age of 17. She somehow knew he was an abuser, and she was right. Charles  has ben fired 3 times for sexual harrassment. Prior to the bypass. Now, is that cheating or not? So here is what my Mom told me.."A leopard don't change his spots."
I'm sorry if you were hurt like that, but I just didn't see, in Dr. Phil's program, evidence that this HUSBAND was to blame.  He was tring to do a good thing in his life, something more of us should have the courage to do.  His wife was either afraid other women would find him attractive(very possible) or simply resented her lose of control.  I can only comment on what I see on the screen, not your history and problems.
 
July 21, 2007, 9:44 am CDT

You owe Charles me an Apology Tammie!

I am little late on posting this message -- but Tammie wins the Bozo prize here for demanding an "Apology from her husband, Charels because he had stomach by-pass surgery without her "permisson."  I was stunned by  Tammie's explainations -- none made an idota of sense and they were  all about Tammie; etc.  Not a kind word towards her husband when Dr. Phil asked her " Don't you think Charles looks great -- having lost 180 pounds?"  Her reply: "He's too thin -- etc." and her remarks got worse from there.

 

Charles, if you read this message -- know that all of your reasons to have the surgery were 100% on the mark. You did what you had to do -- to save your own life.  If Tammie didn't understand this and apparently has been punishing you since -- because she "did not approve this decision"  is it because she was threatened by it.  Change is never welcomed by the person who doesn't like change of any kind.  Plus, Tammie is running this marriage -- not you!  Apparently she has mood-swings, and is arguementive, combative, and it's her way or the highway!  None of this is acceptable.

 

You stated you didn't like to engage her in discussions because you never know how's she'll react.  Intimacy is huge problem due to her offensive remarks and this turns you off.  You're not alone.  It hard to feel romantic with a wife who says you're physically -- a bag of bones -- or whatever.., and is  also demanding an apology from you because you lost more then hundred pounds of ugly and life-threatening fat.  This whole battle of whose right had to be discussed on national television! She wants you fat again?  When pigs fly!

 

Dr. Phil suggested that you help Tammie -- be more understanding.  That part was puzzling. Couseling was offered and I hope you both accepted.  Not so much for you -- but Tammie has some major "control" issues and I might say -- She's a really "mean streak" -- too, that was evident.

 

Her facial expresseion were "blank" when Dr.  Phil questioned her reasonings.  Either she was so fixed in her mind that you were at fault  and she was right or she has some type of personality disorders.  In all cases -- I would venture to guess -- this isn't the first time in your marriage that her behaviors have been totally out of wack with reality.  You've complied  with them in the past in order to have some "peace in your life."  This is no way to live...with anyone. Ultimately -- What you have on your hands is 800 pound Gorrilla.  And Tammie needs to loose the "800 pounds" of these overbearing and ugly  and very contolling behavior -- or she gets to live alone!  You had by-pass surgery without her approval is the tip-of-this-icebrug. The alterative you're dead in a year or two and she's a widow.  What kind of non-sense thinking  is that?

 

Charles, for the record -- You look fit and healthy and you're also a very nice guy!  The before and after pictures were totally awesome!  And you're a very carring and loving husband to have appeared on the Dr. Phil show to get some help with  your wife!   I don't think many men would have gone "public" with a wife and her very selfish and down-right obnoxious behavior -- and totally baseless thinking.."Demanding your Apology."  Period.  Brovo for you!

 

Keep up the good work and keep yourself health: mentally, physically and emtionally. Perhaps, Tammie will have a "Light bulb" moment while in counseling.  There is aways hope.  And if not -- there are other life-style options open to be considered.  Under no circumstances is the option of you returning to a man weighing more then 300 pounds to appease Tammie -- an option.  I rather see you single and alive , and without the "ball and chain." Never doubt your own  decisions and common-sense, to keep "peace." You've stealing your own right to happiness.

 

Best of luck!

 

 

 

 

 
August 1, 2007, 12:07 am CDT

Gastric Bypass Decision

Quote From: patriots_fan

APOLOGY???? This woman needs to walk out on this jerk  yesterday!  Anyone  who would talk to children that way needs to have Social Services involved. That is verbal abuse, and can be as detrimental as physical abuse. 

 

As for the gastric bypass surgery.  Aren't things like that supposed to be joint decisions? 

 Surgery to save your life is in NO WAY a joint decision!  If the person getting the surgery wants to consider someone else's opinion they can, but there is no rational requirement for them to do so.

If they were 25 years old and she was pregnant and decided to have an abortion, just how much say do you think he'd have?  I mean, she could be nice and tell him about it, but if she decided to go ahead he couldn't do a thing, and most of you would say 'rightfully so' even though an abortion isn't a 'life-saving' procedure.

He told her about HIS decision on what he was doing with HIS body.  If a woman tells a man that SHE will decide what to do with HER body, everyone applauds.  If you fail to applaud the reverse when it happens, you show yourself to be a biased sexist.


 
August 11, 2007, 11:00 am CDT

Protect our children from these kind of

Hei America!

I have something to say about dr. Phil's program on the issue of molesting a child. If a parent or grandfather or any in the close family molest a child. This person should never ever again be allowed to be near the child. This child (is proven) to be traumatically remembering the molesting even from very erarly stage of life. Professionals conclude that a child for instance, taken away from its parents between 1-3 years of age will suffer traumatically when reaching adult life. So being mollested will be rememberd, without a single doubt. If they as a parent, allow this evel person to be close to the child, they should be taken away from the child as well. Even only thinking of having a right to be close to the innocent child is criminall. I am not sure what you will be saying to these people dr. Phil, but I hope for God sake you do not agree that these people can ever get away with the criminal act. In Norway we would not allow it.

Cheers to you all,

from Oslo, Norway

 
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