Quote From: mssbfavaI understand completely, I have lived in an abusive relationship for 34 years. But I wish I had had the courage to leave the relationship along time ago. Not only have I suffered but staying taught my children how to be abusive. I feel ashamed to say this but I hope that my son's never marry because they are more abusive than their father.
You can't control other people, one can only control your own behavior. I have made myself sick with resentment, because of the way I have been treated over the years. The only person I have hurt is myself. Expectations of others is an illusion. Realize this, move forward and your life will become better!
Hopefully, one day I will have the courage to do the same.
You stayed in the relationship when it was the worst time to stay in the relationship which was when you were raising your children. I know you already feel really guilty about that but continuing to stay in the relationship also doesn't say anything to your children because your still telling them that it's okay. 34 years is a hell of a long time to think of yourself so badly, Do you even know who you are anymore? The answer to that is no, you don't. How can you? You've been trapped for SO long! I know the abuse is scary and that a violent relationship is very hard to escape so I'd like to ask you why you didn't leave? It's really not even about courage, it's about your self Worth. Some one in your life really must of made you feel voiceless, powerless and helpless before you got into this relationship or I don't think you ever would have stayed. You are a woman and no woman deserves to be treated like that! It's never too late to leave. This is something you really need to seek help for! I think you should write to Dr.Phil your situation may require some publicized help for your protection against your husband. My guess is you've probably never called the authorities on him either, but how could you for fear of another beating. I had a very abusive step father growing up and he had damaged me in many ways, so I know what it's like to live with violence. Also do you know if he was abusive towards your children? If so then why for the sake of your kids didn't you leave. Not even that you, really should of left for the sake of your kids when you were being beaten. The other lady is right they have learned how to be abusive they didn't come like that and I think that's really sad Hun. I know you don't want to live with that guilty conscious any more so it's high time you did something about it. My guess is you won't listen to anything anyone has said about your message on the board and you'll continue to make up excuses for yourself to stay with him. You need to set an example for your kids. More then that you need to do this for you now, not anyone one else but you. The first step here may not even be leaving your husband, maybe the first step is to seek counseling so you can begin to find yourself again and then perhaps you will know exactly what to do. I know that you will only leave the relationship when your good and ready but shouldn't that time of come and gone by now? No person deserves to live that way! No one! You can do this and it all starts with a phone call or an email to Dr.Phil! YOU NEED HIS HELP! and the protection that it will offer you being public therefore the media will be alert and you have sure fire proof when the divorce is being settled. If anyone has anything bad to say about you please pay them no mind for I fear that people like that will get under your skin easily as you have allowed such an abusive relationship to go on for such long time. I don't know how many times I can say this but you DON'T NEED TO LIVE LIKE THIS ANYMORE!. Find yourself and live for you. I hope that your children aren't abusive towards you. You need to find some support from someone. May I ask who knows about this?..... Do any of your friends or family know? (if your even allowed to talk to them that is) And another thing you shouldn't have to live in shame every day of your life. Hun, you have got to be severely depressed, for how could anyone thrive in an environment like that. You should practice what you preach. Also what were the expectations of others that provided you with an illusion? FIND OUT WHO YOU ARE!
Rebecca
P.s. Your right you can't control another persons behavior but you can sure teach them how you want to be treated, but also let me mention you may not of been taught those skills when you were growing up therefore how would know how to teach someone to treat you right. I think your husband knew you were vulnerable, unprotected and a door mat and thats why he married you!
These guests want an apology from a loved one, but the loved one refuses to say he or she is sorry! Christie says her husband, Vance, has abused her physically and emotionally. She says that not only did she have to have him arrested, but that he’s disrespectful to his stepchildren and calls them names like “sissy” and “promiscuous whore.” He has even been fired from three jobs for alleged sexual harassment. Vance says he does not owe his wife an apology, and his name-calling is just preparing the kids for the real world. Then, Tammy says she’s furious with her husband, Charles, who got gastric bypass surgery against her wishes. She says the surgery changed him for the worst and turned him into a cheater. Charles says he’s never cheated on his wife, and refuses to apologize for a surgery that saved his life. Is Tammy the one who owes Charles an apology for her suspicious behavior? Share your thoughts, join the discussion.
