Quote From: rebalaciaYou stayed in the relationship when it was the worst time to stay in the relationship which was when you were raising your children. I know you already feel really guilty about that but continuing to stay in the relationship also doesn't say anything to your children because your still telling them that it's okay. 34 years is a hell of a long time to think of yourself so badly, Do you even know who you are anymore? The answer to that is no, you don't. How can you? You've been trapped for SO long! I know the abuse is scary and that a violent relationship is very hard to escape so I'd like to ask you why you didn't leave? It's really not even about courage, it's about your self Worth. Some one in your life really must of made you feel voiceless, powerless and helpless before you got into this relationship or I don't think you ever would have stayed. You are a woman and no woman deserves to be treated like that! It's never too late to leave. This is something you really need to seek help for! I think you should write to Dr.Phil your situation may require some publicized help for your protection against your husband. My guess is you've probably never called the authorities on him either, but how could you for fear of another beating. I had a very abusive step father growing up and he had damaged me in many ways, so I know what it's like to live with violence. Also do you know if he was abusive towards your children? If so then why for the sake of your kids didn't you leave. Not even that you, really should of left for the sake of your kids when you were being beaten. The other lady is right they have learned how to be abusive they didn't come like that and I think that's really sad Hun. I know you don't want to live with that guilty conscious any more so it's high time you did something about it. My guess is you won't listen to anything anyone has said about your message on the board and you'll continue to make up excuses for yourself to stay with him. You need to set an example for your kids. More then that you need to do this for you now, not anyone one else but you. The first step here may not even be leaving your husband, maybe the first step is to seek counseling so you can begin to find yourself again and then perhaps you will know exactly what to do. I know that you will only leave the relationship when your good and ready but shouldn't that time of come and gone by now? No person deserves to live that way! No one! You can do this and it all starts with a phone call or an email to Dr.Phil! YOU NEED HIS HELP! and the protection that it will offer you being public therefore the media will be alert and you have sure fire proof when the divorce is being settled. If anyone has anything bad to say about you please pay them no mind for I fear that people like that will get under your skin easily as you have allowed such an abusive relationship to go on for such long time. I don't know how many times I can say this but you DON'T NEED TO LIVE LIKE THIS ANYMORE!. Find yourself and live for you. I hope that your children aren't abusive towards you. You need to find some support from someone. May I ask who knows about this?..... Do any of your friends or family know? (if your even allowed to talk to them that is) And another thing you shouldn't have to live in shame every day of your life. Hun, you have got to be severely depressed, for how could anyone thrive in an environment like that. You should practice what you preach. Also what were the expectations of others that provided you with an illusion? FIND OUT WHO YOU ARE!
Rebecca
P.s. Your right you can't control another persons behavior but you can sure teach them how you want to be treated, but also let me mention you may not of been taught those skills when you were growing up therefore how would know how to teach someone to treat you right. I think your husband knew you were vulnerable, unprotected and a door mat and thats why he married you!
Hi Rebecca me again ... cant sleep. I have been played the victim my whole life, the last few years though I don't know who I am anymore. My life was never normal, but I use to have spark and a life, well at least I use to do things. My husband never abused the kids, he was a good father. He has had physical altercations with the 2 boys when they were adults......
I quit living when we took our 17 year old daughter, Karen off life support in 1991 after she was in a motor vehicle accident. I still had young children ... so I think that is what kept me from giving up on life all together. The youngest two were 9 months and 5 years. My oldest boy was 12 at the time and I was so busy with the young two and I was so messed up that he turned to drugs and alcohol to sedate his feelings. He is a full blown alcoholic now. I detoxed him with the help of our family doctor just over a year ago, but I know he has started drinking again.
Mike who is now 21 ... I pray for him a lot because he has gotten himself into some fixes. We have had our car smashed in the driveway and drug dealers at the door threatening him, all this during the time that my mother was dying of cancer. My family felt I did not spend enough time with our mother during that time. Neither my brother or my sister has children and they just dont get it.
I suffer from extreme anxiety and since my daughter died I have put on 100 pounds.
My oldest daughter got married November 11 last year and I did not attend the wedding because she was married in Utah and my anxiety was so bad.
I know that I have to care about myself, because no one can fix me but me, I just dont know where to start. I use to have will power and discipline but I dont have those things anymore. AS sick as this sounds I dont know if I could make on my own at this point and I am afraid of what my husbands reaction would be if I was to tell him I dont want to be with him anymore. I think that we are both sick people just waiting it out until one of us dies and the prize is the house.
The only friend I have is GOD and sometimes I wonder if he is there or just wondering like everyone else ... what is wrong with you ... why dont you just get it.
These guests want an apology from a loved one, but the loved one refuses to say he or she is sorry! Christie says her husband, Vance, has abused her physically and emotionally. She says that not only did she have to have him arrested, but that he’s disrespectful to his stepchildren and calls them names like “sissy” and “promiscuous whore.” He has even been fired from three jobs for alleged sexual harassment. Vance says he does not owe his wife an apology, and his name-calling is just preparing the kids for the real world. Then, Tammy says she’s furious with her husband, Charles, who got gastric bypass surgery against her wishes. She says the surgery changed him for the worst and turned him into a cheater. Charles says he’s never cheated on his wife, and refuses to apologize for a surgery that saved his life. Is Tammy the one who owes Charles an apology for her suspicious behavior? Share your thoughts, join the discussion.
