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Topic : 07/10 Slacker Wives and Moocher Moms

Number of Replies: 162
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Thursday, July 05, 2007, 02:31:45 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
Dr. Phil speaks with self-proclaimed slacker wives and moocher moms, who admit they fall short in the mom and wife categories. Keya is a stay-at-home mom who spends 18 hours a day in bed, while her husband, Tyrone, works and does everything around the house, including waiting on her hand and foot. Keya considers herself a “rich man’s wife, but Tyrone says he’s not rich at all, and he’s tired of feeling more like her maid than her husband. Dr. Phil has a surprise for Keya! Next, Nick and Tara turn in their mother, Rita, who is unemployed, living in her van -- when she’s not crashing at their homes -- and constantly receiving handouts from her family. Her family claims she’s even taken money from her grandson’s piggy bank! Are her kids to blame for always coming to her rescue? Then, a mooching mom makes her daughters feel guilty if they don’t pay her bills and give her cash. She has a job, so why is she taking her daughter’s student loan money? Talk about the show here.

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July 10, 2007, 7:59 am CDT

Playing the depression card

I also have depression but I control it, it doesn't control me.  I made a state to state move and I was without health insurance fir a while but I STILL bought my medication.

Laying in bed all day is not depression that is laziness pure and simple.

A good tip is to set your alarm for a decent houra nd then get up and take a walk around the neighborhood.  Once you are fully awake you are less likely to climb back in bed

 
July 10, 2007, 8:08 am CDT

Stay At Home Moms

I am stay at home mom and I don't stay in bed 18 hours of the day. But I do kinda understand where she is coming from because sometimes I feel if I just stay in bed then I don't have to go into the other rooms to see the mess that my children have made. Only because of God grace do I come out of my bedroom to start cleaning and making breakfast for the kids. But if won't for God and knowing that my husband is at work providing for his family then I proably in the same situation that this woman is in. Nobody really knows what stay at home moms have to go through unless you have walked in our shoes. It is more of a stressful job than a regular job. I can say that because I was a single mom and I have work a full time job before. The only reason now I stay at home is because it's cheaper. So not only am I a stay at home mom, but I homeschool our children too. It has been a wonderful experience for my husband and I to be able to do this and I have loved every minute that I can spend with them. I never thought that I would be the one staying at home with my children and teaching the only way I know that I can do this is because I have God by my side and my husband coaching me along being there when I need him. But without God I don't think we would be where we are today, because there is 19 yrs. old age difference between me and my husband. When you have Christ he has bigger plan for you and your life. I not saying that we are perfeact by no means, but what I am saying is that Christ is number 1 in my life and my families and without Him we would be worse than we are now.

 
July 10, 2007, 8:25 am CDT

I love my dad very much, but he DEFINITELY fits this category!

             My dad is my role model.  He's now a reserve in the Air Force after retiring from active duty, but he still works and works and works leaving no time to clear out his papers.  He's the biggest pack-rat I've seen.  Our dining room table is cluttered with his papers from work, bills, and newspapers.  He picks up the newspaper on his way to work in the morning, then comes home, picks up the mail, and puts on the couch until someone needs to sit.  It then moves as far as the floor or the coffee table.  He leaves the newspapers in his truck and now the bed is completely filled with junk.  Anytime there is a clear flat surface in the house, he clutters it right up.  My parents bedroom is filled with ten to fifteen year old papers.  My mom has no room for her jewelry and they use the kids' closet because the papers and junk are blocking them from their's.  Sure he works alot, but when he is home, he sits on the couch and watches TV.  I'm so worried that when all of us kids leave, my mom and dad will be stuck with this mess.   He has boxes upon boxes of papers in our garage from when he was in training in Arizona BACK IN THE 80's!!!!!!  I don't understand what is so hard about throwing away junk mail when the trash can is right in the kitchen.  He knows he doesn't need the junk mail but he can't take a few steps to the trash can or recycling bin and toss it out of his life.  He gets frustrated when he finds the bills late because he didn't bother to take care of the bill when he got it. 
       Dr. Phil, and those who know my aggervation, what is it that is so hard.  It's not like my mom can get rid of anything since its not hers.  She's tried to organize his papers but that's the time he complains he can't find anything.  (It's not like he could with the piles of papers he's built up either.)   My mom only tries to help and he gets upset.  If she can't do it, then he has to.  I just don't get it and I can't stand living like this.  Everywhere I turn are papers, PaPeRs, PAPERS!!!

                                                          PLEASE HELP!!!!!!!!!

Sincerely,
Kelly
 
July 10, 2007, 8:56 am CDT

Suggestions

For the lady who has trapped herself in the bed all day: Sometimes very simple actions can break a pattern of behavior. When you get out of bed in the morning, get dressed in "day-time" clothes. Make the bed. Open the curtains and blinds.

 

Move the tv out of the bedroom and into the kitchen. Watch tv only when you are doing something -- washing dishes, folding clothes, etc.

 

Pick a time to take a short walk every day. It can be only 5 minutes to begin with. Just get used to enjoying the outside and enjoying your kids' reactions to the world.

 

Most of all, don't the let enormity of everything that needs to be done overwhelm you. Just pick something and do that -- then move on.  Living in the moment isn't just about enjoying your world -- it's also about getting things done.

 

Make a list if you have to, then cut it down to what can be done. Then do what you can, When you said that you couldn't understand how others do so much, you were overestimating what most of us do everyday. But over a week you can get a lot done.

 

And do have yourself checked for depression! I am also an outwardly bouncy person who felt trapped and unable to do anything. My life has opened up so wonderfully since I got help with my depression and then "behaved" my way out of the drepressive behavior -- with lots of help from my wonderful husband!

 

I"m with ya!

 
July 10, 2007, 9:47 am CDT

It's Keya

Quote From: lynpen

For the lady who has trapped herself in the bed all day: Sometimes very simple actions can break a pattern of behavior. When you get out of bed in the morning, get dressed in "day-time" clothes. Make the bed. Open the curtains and blinds.

 

Move the tv out of the bedroom and into the kitchen. Watch tv only when you are doing something -- washing dishes, folding clothes, etc.

 

Pick a time to take a short walk every day. It can be only 5 minutes to begin with. Just get used to enjoying the outside and enjoying your kids' reactions to the world.

 

Most of all, don't the let enormity of everything that needs to be done overwhelm you. Just pick something and do that -- then move on.  Living in the moment isn't just about enjoying your world -- it's also about getting things done.

 

Make a list if you have to, then cut it down to what can be done. Then do what you can, When you said that you couldn't understand how others do so much, you were overestimating what most of us do everyday. But over a week you can get a lot done.

 

And do have yourself checked for depression! I am also an outwardly bouncy person who felt trapped and unable to do anything. My life has opened up so wonderfully since I got help with my depression and then "behaved" my way out of the drepressive behavior -- with lots of help from my wonderful husband!

 

I"m with ya!

Hi lynpen just wanted to say thanks that was some of the best advice I read from this message board and I will take your advice and give it a try.

 
July 10, 2007, 10:21 am CDT

They don't need therapy...

Quote From: wavdancr

You guys are NOT their slaves, their maid, their open wallets. You are people they should be respecting SO much that they'd NEVER try to CON you like they have for how many years now??

These slackers and moochers NEED THERAPY, not handouts!! Follow Dr Phil's advice and STOP enabling these "free-lunch"-addicts!

They don't need therapy.  They need to get up off their behinds and do something!  I think too many people think they need therapy when they just need to get up and do something.  Jeez!  People used to solve their own problems.  Not anymore.  It is never their fault so someone else should fix it.

 

I read an article in our paper this morning about parents continuing to pay the cell phone and wireless internet bills for their children who have graduated from college and have jobs.  The parents think they should wean their children from being dependent.  Wean, my @%^!  Just cut them off!

 
July 10, 2007, 11:14 am CDT

Be strong!

Quote From: mystikal8503

 my sister, mom, and I are the 3rd guests on the show ....my moms the moocher....Im really nervous to watch it......one of the scariest  and most embaressing things I have ever done....

I think you did the right thing for your family. Guilt is a terrible thing for one family member to put upon another. I am in my 50's and I am just recently learning to tell my mom 'no' after decades of living with the guilt trips and excuses she dumped on me. One of my brothers recently bailed our mom out from going to jail due to her financial woes. She couldn't even bring herself to thank him and she's still looking for a way to sue somebody for financial gain. My other brother bought her house out of guilt (a son should provide for his mother he says) so she could keep it. I always knew she would eventually file bankruptcy, so I stayed completely out of her financial situation all these years. However, I have definitely had to deal with her dishing out one excuse after another for other things, too - such as visiting, acknowledging our family birthdays, etc. etc. If you ask me, this is all the result of sheer laziness as well as greed and selfishness. (For all three families on the show and my own mother too.) It's had a terribly negative affect on my own family, not to mention that it kept my two brothers and I apart. What a shame, but, with Dr. Phil's advice (I'm glued to his show and books), progress is better late than never! Today, my brothers and I are finally doing some of the things brothers and sisters should do, and I do my highest sense of right regarding my mom - guilt free - regardless of what she says to me or anyone else. I just wish she would get the same wake-up call you just gave your mom!

 

I think the only way these moochers sleep at night and keep going with this type of behavior is by believing their own excuses (in other words it's someone or something else's fault they did what they did or else they're GONNA take care of it LATER, which of course never comes - and we're made out as the bad guy if we don't go along). Accountability is key. So is self-control. Another factor is the guilt, as mentioned on the show. This is what kept me tolerating  my mother's destructive behavior for over 3 decades. It has nearly destroyed my relationship with my own daughters because they think I am wrong and un-Christian to tell my own mother no. I'm still working on this one.

 

I'm going to order a copy of this show to share with my family - thanks so much for bringing this topic to Dr. Phil's attention! I will tell you that saying no and the results of doing so is getting easier and better as more time goes by in which I do the right thing by my mom, and more importantly myself, by not enabling her!

 

I've always tried hard to be the best person I am capable of being and especially I try not to be a burden to any other human being. If someone extends a kindness to me, I strive to repay it. I know I may not always be able to do this because, believe it or not, I became a deaf-blind person 20 years ago. So you can imagine it truly floors me for a healthy person to mooch. I keep a meticulous and beautiful home and my 7 grandchildren LOVE to come visit, so the fruits of my hard labors are well worth the effort, but mostly - I'm satisfied that I continue to do and be the best I am able to be, disabled or not!

 

You sure don't want to pass this legacy on to your kids someday! Start by being strong about saying no to your mom, then continue to say no to getting deeper in debt or being lazy in your own life - you will be so proud of how you feel for pulling your own weight and making your own way in the world. THAT is the American 'way'! Set your goals high (but take small steps first - big smile), run for the finish line and just keep right on going!

 

Thanks for being on the show! I hope you get lots of help and encouragement and I hope Dr. Phil does a show later showing us the wonderful progress your whole family makes!

 
July 10, 2007, 11:39 am CDT

07/10 Slacker Wives and Moocher Moms

Quote From: mystikal8503

 my sister, mom, and I are the 3rd guests on the show ....my moms the moocher....Im really nervous to watch it......one of the scariest  and most embaressing things I have ever done....
 Are you the one who signed for your mother to get the car? Or, was it your sister? Please, whichever one of you did it, please don't do it again. Your mother could really screw up your credit rating. For a long, long time.
 
July 10, 2007, 12:22 pm CDT

Slackers!!!!

OH MY GOD IS ALL I CAN SAY!!!!

 Now this women seems to be very SHELFISH!!!!!!

I have Fibromyalgia and severe IBS . Im a stay at home mom and I CLEAN HOUSE, LAUNDRY YOU NAME IT!!!!!

Yes there are times I cannot fix dinner or I'm in alot of pain for the day.

It is not fair for a working husband to come home and do ALL the work, when the other half does not have any medical conditions or disability. ITS A 50/50 in a marriage!!!!!

I did not even have to finish listening to the segment before I posted. I'm just totally shocked!!!!

I even worked and went to school with fibromyalgia and it is such a painful illness.

I don't understand some people. "

She should be thankful to be healthy,have a nice house, husband, children  and be able to do the things that she wants in life~~~

There is alot of people in this world that don't have that option~~

 
July 10, 2007, 12:39 pm CDT

WOW!!!

 

I don't know what to say, other than WOW!!  I am a stay at home mom, who also runs a daycare at home.  Although sometimes I get down, life will NOT pass me by.  Your children are not getting any younger!  Why wouldn't you get out of bed and start teaching that youngest some stuff.  Go and play at the park, read, teach, do crafts. 

Clean your own house, make meals, do laundry why should your husband have to keep working when he gets home just because you laid in bed all day. 

Get active, go to play groups, get out there and meet people!  There is more to life than laying around and in time you'll regret the time you missed with your kids.  That is so sad.  You may feel that the kids are not being neglected, but they are.  By you.  Volunteer at the kids school, enjoy life, and why make your husband suffer forever? 

He will resent you in time as well.  Everyone makes mistakes, I am not saying that what he did was right, but let it go and work thru it.  Get moving and make the most of your life.  You never know when your time is up.  Have no regrets. 

Life is made of the steps you make!!  START STEPPING!!

 
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