Topic : 07/10 Slacker Wives and Moocher Moms

I work ft.  I have 3 kids.  I have a husband that accuses me of being a slacker.  He has called me worthless. useless.  a "malingerer".

 

He asked me to read the message board about the one STAY AT HOME mom and compared me to her, as I've been sleeping a lot.  By the way, I had major surgery on my clubbed foot on 6/19/07. 

 

I've had many days off work in preparation for and then recovery from my surgery.  He actually asserted that my big two weeks recovery was a "vacation".  He asserts that I don't DO ANYTHING.  He also asserts that no one on this board is "supportive" of slackers and if they could SEE how useless I am, they would agree.

 

Even though I work, I don't make as much money as he does, so he throws that in my face.  My work does not yield a huge net; however, it does cover our entire family w/health benefits. 

 

Frankly, I'm disgusted that my husband thinks so little of me that he would assert that I am like a stay home mom slacker.  But, frankly, it's hard to feel good about yourself when your mate rarely if ever has anything nice to say and blames ALL marital issues on you. 

 

Perhaps she's depressed.   I know I am.

I'm almost speechless - and that's rare!

 

I also have Fibro and CFS....disc problems, nerve damage.....pain. 

 

As you probably know, we have good days and baaaad days.  Today is a bad day.  I push myself too hard sometimes because I'm harder on myself than anyone else.  Can't count the heating pads I've gone through...have one wrapped around me now.  Stupid me did some push ups a couple of days ago and am paying the piper now. 

 

I like to cook....but it just takes every oz. of energy to do....to the point that I don't even eat it.

 

My husband  asks me, "Did u eat today?"  Most of the time I do, but when I don't, he gets me something and I tell him that I can do that myself.

 

I will not lie, there have been times when I just collapse on the bed...TV on, but I have no idea what is on.  I DVR so that when I have a good day - I catch up.

 

I'm not overweight, so the sleep I can catch doesn't affect me.

 

I so envy all the SAHM's that are healthy....what wonderful jobs they must do.....and I truly try to push myself harder. 

 

Oh, and btw, I cannot stand a dirty floor.  My socks best stay clean - the same with my feet.

     I am a stay at home mom of 3.  We have a 4 year old daughter and twin 3 month old boys.  I cannot imagine laying in bed all day.  I wish i could!!!  Every morning starts at no later than 6AM with the boys feeding.  The only reason i get to sleep that late is my husband is gracious enough to take care of them if they wake up in the middle of the night.  At around 7:30 our little girl wakes up.  Then breakfast for her and my husband and me if i am lucky.  My husband leaves for work at 830.  I am on my own.  I have to handle the two babies with diaper changing feeding and cleaning plus take care of a 4 year olds constant attention wanting.  Amongst all that there are dishes to be washed, clothes to be washed, floors to be swept., toys to be picked up. Then lunchtime.  While my 4 year old eats i usually try to bathe the boys or get them down for a nap.  While they nap i spend quality time with my daughter.  Around 430 i begin getting dinner started.  It usually takes an hour or so to do that.  My husband comes home at 530.  We sit down and eat.  While he spends time with the children i clean up the dinner mess.  Then i finally get to sit.  This only lasts about 30 minutes before something else needs to be done. 830 PM our daughter gets a bath.  This is followed by a healthy snack of usually mixed veggies.  She is ready for bed around 930.  The boys by now need to be changed and cuddled.  We usually get them to sleep around 11.  One day a week my mother in law takes the kids overnight.  I use this time to catch up on any housework i wasnt able to get done.  What i find funny is on that day if my husband calls and i am not doing anything he calls me lazy!!!  I clean the house and i take care of the kids all week.  I take out the trash because apparently even it it sits right by the door he doesnt see it.  I am recording this episode so he can watch it, maybe he will appreciate everything i do.  I cannot imagine a mother not wanting to be a mother.  I dont care how overwhelming it is!  Imagine having a 3 year old and finding out you are pregnant with twins!  I love my children, and i love my family.  I enjoy spending time with my kids every day.  Laziness is not an option.  I remember one time last month i was sick.   I asked my husband to go ahead and get the kids up since it was the weekend and he was home.  He looked at me like i was speaking spanish.  Needless to say it was cereal for breakfast that day.  The good thing being that you cant really have the normal couple spats when you dont have time to speak to each other!  My reason for writing this is because i just cant see why anyone wouldnt take their responsibilities seriously.  You brought these children into the world, you have a responsibility to be a mother.  It can also be the most rewarding thing in the world!  When you spend time with your kids and are active in their lives they turn out to be productive intelligent individuals.  We took our daughter to get tested for pre school.  In the town we live there are only so many spots available due to lack of funding.  When she was tested they wouldnt let her in because she scored too high on test.  I honestly believe it is because we are active loving parents and she is growing up in a nourishing environment.  My kids are going to be somebody when they grow up and its because i get off my butt!

No doubt you are depressed. I'm sorry but it sounds like your hubby has issues. I work part-time outside the house as well as maintaining the household. which means the majority of the housework, shopping , taking the kids ( I have 3 as well)  to and from activities, appts. and the park. i also take my husband to and from work. I work just as hard as he does (I used to work 60 hours a week outside the home) and i do believe being at home more is actually harder and my husband agrees. it is also more rewarding.

  Maybe your husband should walk a mile in your shoes before he starts name-calling.

I am a stay at home mom due to a back injury I sustained at a previous nursing job I had over two years ago.  What I can't understand is this woman is healthy, her children are healthy, and she has a very tolerant, patient, supportive, and enabling spouse that would turn on a drop of a dime to help her maintain their household after working his full time job!!!!!!!!!!!!  What a waste of a life with her family.  Her family is the one suffering the most................... I can't believe that woman is wasting her time being a slacker instead of counting God's blessing.  She has a beautiful family and is able to stay at home to make their home a place of peace, love, and make it fulfilling for everyone involved.  I wish I could be able to move around with my husband & our family.  When you have a back injury that has not been treated due to the politics and red tape of workers' comp insurance companies, it is very difficult to sit back and watch everyones' life pass you by.  I love to bake, l love to fish, and I love to be outdoors with my family and would give anything to be able to do these things with them. 

Dr Phil and viewers,

My sister has been a moocher/bumb for nine years now.She is turning 30 July the 14th. This all started when she found out she was going to have my niece. She has never kept a job. She is addicted to prescription drugs and cigarettes. This whole family has tried to help her. She uses her daughter as a meal ticket. Everybody mainly helps her now because of my niece. My husband doesn't even want her to come back to our house.

She has never had her own place,she stays anywhere she can. Our family cant do anything with her because she doesn't want to help herself.She threatens to go to a woman shelter and I told her to go,but she doesn't.She tries to put guilt trips on all of us.It s her fault. I know that she is sick mentally,but she does everything else she wants to do,why not get a job and her own place!PLEASE HELP with some advice!! Thanks

 

That the first mother...the slacker mom...could be depressed or have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome?  

Im a stay at home mom for about 3 1/2 years now. I have 2 small kids and find nothing BUT things to do around the house !!! My husband would never be ok with me sleeping my day away and I think Keya husband need a back bone . Keya is just lazy and useless to her kids , her husband will only put up with it for so long. She need to get a life and take better care of of home husband and children !!!