Quote From: asmile4allI was sorry to see that you and your wife got trashed because you had the courage to come foward with a very challenging and embarassing issue with your boys. Since I've taken in my niece's three small children over three years ago, I found the critics and the judges coming at me from all angles and this only makes my situation with raising these kids more of a challenge. Not one of them is living in my shoes but that doesn't stop them from telling me I'm not parenting these kids right or there is something wrong with me. Dr. Phil didn't really give you the time to portray your whole story, so what the viewers got was just pin hole view of your situation. I think it left many of us wondering why the boys were not being more pro-active in their own treatment. Yes, they seem to know they had a problem, but what were they doing to work through it? My own birth kids started doing their own laundry by the time they were 9 (my son earlier because he was a bed wetter and we felt that he needed to learn to care for his own mess). My seven year old adopted son wore a pull-up untill he was circumcised two months ago. He was responcible for changing his pull-up in the morning and cleaning up the wet area. He didn't always comply, but I still expected this of him and monitored him. My youngest adopted son had this same issue with bowel control and I was sucessful in getting him to be more pro-active in age appropriate ways and although I still have to monitor him, we seem to have nipped this issue before it got out of hand. Maybe if your boys handled their own laundry and were put on a strict bathroom schedule--sign-in/sign-out policy and a check before the flush from a parent--keeping a written account of activity, they might have a better chance of getting control (I find that keeping wipies next to all the toilets works better for cleaning bottoms). If they are not already cleaning up any messes they leave, they should be--even if you have to go back over them--I make my 7 and 4 years old boys wipe the toilet seat when they pee all over it (then I reclean it!). I always expect my three to use the bathroom before we go anywhere--I feel silly saying "go potty before you get in the car" everytime before we head out the door, but it pays off. Maybe it would help to better educate them on how their bodies work--if this hasn't already been done. My little one has come a long way in a short amount of time. My son gets his "pooping" pills every day (fiber tablets) and now he reminds me if I forget to put them out. Sometimes I use a small handful of cashues, when he becomes a litle irregular. I found that the laxatives the doctor suggested seem to make things worse. I find the diet plays a big role and I don't give him a lot of milk or cheese (which he does love). Your boys may not metabolize some foods properly and if you haven't sat down with a nuitritionalist yet, that may be of great benefit to them. We do very little TV and no video games in our house and lots of active play every day--I think this helps too. All three kids drink water with at least one of their meals every day and I encourage water throughout the day. These are only meant to be sugestions and not critisms. I do wish you all the best. Keep me posted on their progess
Been there
You are right when you say that you only got to see a very small part of what is going on. The producer that came to the house tried to tell the story in a 90+ second chunk of tape and a 7 minute segment. How do you put YEARS of frustration into that short of a time frame? We easily could have taken up the entire hour discussing what we have done and what we have attempted to do over the years. Here's a fun one, try giving an enema to a kid who is absolutely dead set against it. It turns into an argument of epic proportions. Again, their are so many aspects to this story that we just did not get the chance to explain due to time constraints.
We have always explained to the boys that the proper place for this was the toilet and not their pants. We watched over them and when we saw what we thought might be some sign that they had to go, we would shag them into the nearest bathroom. At a certain point in their lives they start wanting privacy and obviously you have to respect it. At that point, we told them, "don't flush because we want to see the proof that you actually went." Sometimes they complied sometimes not. When they didn't comply we would call them on it.
We have taken away privileges, TV, computers, video games in response to not going to the bathroom. We did the yelling and screaming about it but that only made it worse.
The one thing that has seemed to work so far has been getting them to sit down and go just before they take their shower in the morning. By getting them into that routine, we have had more success than anything else we have tried. As I stated in an earlier message, these kids are intelligent and polite young boys, not the "retards" that a lot of the posters have been claiming.
The oldest last night mentioned that he came out to this forum and read some of the hateful and spiteful comments from people do not know us. He was pretty upset with what he read. I told him to not get too upset about it since they were uninformed about the problem and our situation.
These two, along with my wife are my best friends and my life. I will do anything that is within my ability to help them solve the troubles they have. That is a part of what being a parent is all about. You are there for them when they need you and you put their wants and needs in front of your own.
Have you ever wanted to talk to your doctor about pressing medical concerns, but were too afraid to speak up? Today, four physicians with four different specialties return to bust medical myths and teach you things you never knew about your body. First up, 45-year-old Pamela has a paralyzing fear of physicians. She was diagnosed with a terminal lung disease six years ago and hasn't set foot in a doctor's office since. Find out what happens when Dr. Phil creates a makeshift exam room backstage! Then, Denise and her husband, Steve, have been trying to get pregnant for three years. Steve says he’s tired of sex being a business deal, but Denise desperately wants a baby. Should she keep trying to conceive or just move on with her life? And, having four kids wreaked havoc on Casey's body, and now she wants cosmetic surgery. Her husband, Jonathan, says a tummy tuck is too expensive, and thinks Casey can get in shape by doing more sit-ups. See Dr. Phil’s surprise for her! Plus, a couple who say their 9- and 15-year-old sons are still not potty trained! Tell us what you think!
