Topic : Living with Chronic Pain

Hey there Prof,

Yes...I did think I was going to die when I had my panic attack....it's the most horendous feeling. I don't know how people with true psychotic paranoia and such survive.

I wasn't able to get the medication today. I figured I would be *"ine" for one more day. I had another panic attack this evening after I came home from work for no apparent reason. I feel like such a nutcase. I go see my neurologist tomorrow though and i already have an appointment to see the psychologist again so it seems like all my ducks are in a row. It's just a waiting game. A very scary waiting game.

I try to do deep breathing and it does help sometimes. I haven't picked a happy place yet. I really honestly can't think of one which is probably a bit bizarre but I just can't think of somewhere that I'm completely happy without it leading to other thoughts that cause anxiety or fear. Thinking of Jacob makes me anxious and worried....Other than that I'm really not sure where I would love to be. I'm working on it though.

I think my neurologist sees his own daughter in me and so he sees me as a person and he actually cares. He always hugs me at the end of my visit (and my mom too...he's not just a dirty old man!) and he's so worried that in choosing psychology I'll be wasting my potential and won't make good money. I'm sure he's going to be less than thrilled with me tomorrow when he walks in with a consult from my psychologist.

Political people are fun. Yes. My friend's parents are some of the funnest ones. I'd pass on the elephant hat too but I do have my Republican Party tote bag complete with John McCain button ready for the fall semester so that I can haul it around and piss of all the Democrats! YAY!

I think the pile of laundry is mytosis and cytokenesis....it seems to be growing at an exponential rate....that's the only explanation I can think of.....*wink wink*

Hope all is well with you. I'll let you know how the doctor goes tomorrow. *BIG HUGS*

Becca

XOXO

Good Morning Everyone

Well, I thought I was off today and no luck.. Was asked to "help" and I said okay.. So, slept in a little and had to have my coffee with all of you before I start on a mad-dash run....

Had a nice B-Day Party, but can feel the hard week on me, very tired and moody.. but oh well,, will try to catch up this weekend..

I had a note from Morgan this morning and she is really liking her job and boss. I am so proud of her.

Nothing from Lashy and I am thinking she is back in the hospital. I will try to call her this weekend. Fingers crossed I get ahold of her...

Becca.. I forgot to add that Xanix is also my best-friend when I am having my attacks.. They work Wonderful for me...My Dr now is very "tight" with me on these happy pills.. But, I find myself taking one once in a while if I'm feeling too stressed..

Hang in there and just know we are all holding your Hands and we really do know how you are feeling..

HUG HUG HUG......

Becky.. I read your post and was sitting here shaking my head.. Oh, there is ALWAYS a few Parents that are a Major Pain in your Tail and if they would sit down and shut up and think of the kids first.. then DUH..

Oh.. Baseball was my worst dealing with Parents...

So just know.. I have your back covered... HA HA HA HA.......

HUG HUG HUG.........

Sims.. Hi there. I want to see the picture of the "tower".. Ms Cowgirl here who never travels far from home would love to take a trip with you.. So please post the pi cutes so I can see.. Prof can close her eyes... ha ha ha ....

I really hope your head is feeling better today.. HUG HUG HUG

Prof... Well, Hubby and Son and Daughter all headed out at 5 this morning.  There will be a stop in Jackson Hole to shop. Which they will have plenty of time to kill...

I remember you talking about your "crazy" roommate back in the days.. I love your story's..

Brought back a few old memory's for me.. like cheap beer "schmit" and listening to CCR and smoking and stacking beer cans into a Castle.. Or the time we were "flying" and like 10 of us piled in to a big old boat car and were so HIGH.. that we never made it to the top of the Mountain to look at the City Lights.. Nope.. we all sat in the car until we ran it out of gas.................

Big ??? how are you sleeping and feeling???? Hang in there and HUG HUG HUG......................................

OKAY.. I really have no energy this morning.. BUT.. I better find some and fast...

It's 62 this morning and high today.. 78 and then high 80's for the weekend....

Can you all tell I am stalling here... heeeee ...

Happy Friday.. Love Dianah

Hello everyone!

It feels kind of funny to be on here in the morning. I went to the neurologist and he sent me home with some Lexapro and some other medicine that I had never heard of (surprising...they must not have a commerical...I'm a medicine commercial junkie). You're supposed to put it under your tongue and it dissolves and you feel better. Apparently it's supposed to be faster than xanex....now if it tastes terrible he's going to get a call requesting some xanex because I'm the biggest baby about yucky medicine. Lol

I had terrible terrible anxiety this morning going to and sitting in his office. I was so nautious and my stomach hurt so I didn't eat breakfast and I kept running to the bathroom to say the least. I kind of feel the nice little zombie feeling setting in from the Lexapro already so I'm quite content now. I don't mind being this kind of zombie. It's not terrible. Just a little bit. I'm quite enjoying it.

He's going to refer me to a psychiatrist (DUN DUN DUN! Bad word for a psychology major lol) and so he will hopefully be able to maintain me.

Thanks to everyone who has been responding about my anxiety. It makes me feel better to know that other people have this and survive. *BIG HUGS*

Becca

XOXO

he must have been very stupid or untrained/ignorant!  = the guy whose python mama went after my lovely face...

his name was phil.  i thought he was "cool." i was 19, he was 50-something.  the day this happened, he was high as a kite -- on marijuana, at least, probably on more than that.  he owned and ran a healthfood store, raised and sold his pythons, and served as a distributor of illegal drugs for his geographic sector.  he was married to marian, who had "turned" lesbian.  they both "dated." he was dating me, and my roommate debra.  he claimed to have been a heroin addict, which i believe, and to have completely beat his addiction, which i don't believe.

i worked at a hospital and was saving money to go back to school fulltime, and met him when i began dropping by his store before work to drink a *big* glass of ice cold, fresh carrot juice.  he and marian found me a place to live with debra -- the woman i was living with turned out to be, quite literally, a dangerous person -- an out-of-control alcoholic with a penchant for guns and driving under the influence.  how was i to know that debra had a criminal record and had been fired from her position as a respiratory therapist?

i tell you -- just remembering that evil snake has sent me down memory lane!  what a piece of luck that i survived that period of my life.  somewhere in there, i was homeless, too.

back to the snake!  she was sick, poor thing -- he had the glass of her enclosure pulled back, because he was preparing an antibiotic injection.  her eggs had to be destroyed.  i was sitting cross-legged on the floor in front of her enclosure, and was talking animatedly to phil, waving my hands around, and not watching her at all.  suddenly phil started repeating to me, in a monotone:  prof, move away from the cage, prof, move away from the cage.  when it finally registered in my brain -- i moved, and not a moment too soon, because she lunged out of the cage and ended up slamming her head into the wall -- where my head had been just one second before.  poor thing.  anyway, from then on, i admired his snakes from afar.

i often wonder what happened to my gun-toting vodka-guzzling roomie, and phil, and marian, and debra (i used to have to entertain her parole officer while she ditched her drugs in the bathroom, pretending to take a shower -- everytime he showed up, she was in the shower, and he never appeared to think that curious.)  what a crowd.  imagine, a short time later, i was across the state in a college town, in school full time, working full time, putting my nose to the grindstone.  i was very... lucky.

now... as to you and the ketamine!  from all my study, one thing is clear -- it doesn't always work, but it generally does, over time.  have faith that it will work (encourage the placebo effect -- it is very powerful!) and try to relax.  it is easy to say, i know, but hard to do.

your husband is an anesthetist, yes?  he must know *lots* about it!  so do whatever he says!  (don't "grrrrrrrrrrrrr" at me!)

and again -- i have plenty of photos of paris.  ummm, i was a french prof, studied in paris, strasbourg, montréal -- well... studied a *little*...

smile.

prof

Becca.. Oh, I am so feeling for you, sweetheart. My own experience with "anxiety attacks" were horrible and even ended up in the ER thinking I was having a heart-attack..

Twice I was driving down the road and had to pull over and forgot were I was going and was freaking out and called my Brother and was telling him.. I don't know were I'm going and I'm scared"... first time I did this to him, he about freaked out.. second time he was better...

Just know, I can Laugh about it now... Just hang in there and I so agree with Prof.. BREATHING does work and you just have to breath deep and tell yourself.. I"M OKAY......

Keep us up-dated and special HUGS to You.....

Hello there. It's "nice" to hear that others have experienced this same thing and survived...not that I 'wish" you all had anxiety.

I haven't been driving since my anxiety attack yesterday. My mom took me to school and stayed downstairs and read a book and she also drove me to work but didn't stay. I feel terrible that I'm 20 years old and she's still playing taxi but I can't imagine having an anxiety attack while driving.

I'm working on the deep breathing. It works sometimes to keep it from escalating. I think it takes some practice. I'm looking to rent a happy place. If you've heard of any good ones let me know! Lol.

I will let you know how it goes at the neurologist tomorrow. *BIG HUGS*

Becca

XOXO

harrumph.

i never said i *minded* being forced to look at the city that i love more than any other place in the whole wide world!

*whisper*  i am just afraid sims will put a snake in every photo... an anaconda hanging off of notre dame cathedral, the world's largest woolly-wet-whomper snaking its way down the champs-élysées... ursini's viper draped around her daughter's beautiful shoulders, standing in front of l'opéra... *shhh!*

i am sorry you have to work today!  let's practice:  "n-n-n-n-o-o.  n-n-o!  NO!" actually, i think it is just great -- that you are working, doing most everything you want to do (a big assumption, sorry.),  you're my hero.

and morgan, too.  how cool.  just *think* how far that woman has come!  gone are the days of keeper (now, *there* was a snake.) and just getting by.  she is truly an inspiration.

oh, mannnn... i hope lashy is not back in the hospital.  if it is still the congestive heart failure, someone, somewhere, is not doing their job -- it is not that hard to treat or control!  this reminds me of when she had all that bleeding after her surgery.  is she still going to unc-ch, i wonder?  they are usually top notch.  lord, she needs *one* doctor who can take a global look at *everything* to figure out why she is illustrating murphy's law.

(sims:  murphy's law = "Whatever can go wrong will go wrong, and at the worst possible time, in the worst possible way" -- also soon to be called "lashy's law"!)

oh, the roommate stories.  i have only just begun!   i figure i probably scared becky so much that she went and *retrieved* kulinary kid from school!  no -- i wouldn't change a minute of it.  learning experiences!

absolutely the best roomie i ever had was my best friend (although maybe *former* bf soon) -- i would come home from work, unwind with some cognac and herb, get the munchies -- we'd pile into my 1965 baby blue pristine cadillac and head out to hardees to get biscuits... in the wee hours, by a back route, no traffic, going roughly 5 mph.  we used to have philosophical discussions about things like... whether it really mattered the least little bit whether we stopped at the stop light on an empty street at 2 in the morning... all the while coasting toward the red light... sometimes we stopped, sometimes we didn't.

initially, i would cook at home when the munchies hit, and as i was a true pothead back then, that was every night.  then came the night where i pretty much destroyed the kitchen, and she WAXED the wooden stairs!  i was hung up on making a huge mess of oatmeal, for some reason, but wasn't paying attention, didn't have a lid on, etc -- it exploded and we had dried oatmeat everywhere -- ceiling, cabinets, floor.  while i was absorbed in that catastrophe, little miss best friend had gone into a cleaning frenzy and polished the hell out of the winding staircase that went up to our bedrooms.  how did i find out?  guess!  oh -- and i was wearing a pair of cotton socks as i ran up -- and fell down -- those stairs...

this was all probably around 3 or 4 am.  we used to show up in the foreign language department with our shades on, looking oh-so-parisian...

what a long strange trip it's been...

CCR!  love them...i never cared if there was a bad moon on the rise, so long as there was a bathroom on the right...

boy, dianah.  i never thought much about how memory lane can help pain -- but i have been sitting here like an idiot, grinning at the computer, looking at the birds, petting the cats, all while remembering those sunshine-y days (and fun-filled nights) -- and never thought once about pain or disability or any of that SCHTUFF!

i hope hubby and kids have a safe trip, and get through everything okay.  i will say it again:  that's a good hubby you got there.

oh!  tw/howard and i are still writing back and forth.  yesterday, out of the blue, he closed his email with:

"do something unexpectedly wonderful for hank. you are lucky to have each other."

he is having a terrible time of it, and i don't know how to help, except to be there -- in my very clumsy way.  as for the hankster?  yes, indeed, we are lucky to have each other.  me much more than him, but hey...

i think your trip to the mountain to look at the city lights -- that takes the cake!  snort!  guffaw!  i love it!

well... i need to put these legs back in the bed.  they're red as boiled lobster...

much love, and tgif--

prof