Topic : Living with Chronic Pain

 Hello, I am a 48yr old woman with OA. I have had 3 total knee replacement surgeries, one bone fusion surgery on my right foot and carpal tunnel surgery on both hands because of the use of crutches and a walker. The last knee replacement surgery I had was to replace the first one on the right knee, it had been cemented in, and when my then present orthopaedic surgeon took the old one out, my femur shattered, and I was non weight baring for 8 weeks. It was just incredible. So I know all about chronic pain.  I have read all  of the messages and I am sorry that all of you have such problems, the Lord will watch over all of us, and we are all blessed in many different ways,, like the lady that her wonderful husband planted the flowers for her, bless his heart. Thank you all for listening,, and God bless you all.    Martha 

Hi Martha;  It sounds like you too know all about 'pain'.  Having those surgical procedures would also have added to the misery of pain but hopefully after recovery, it was all worth it?   I was curious about the bone fusion surgery on your right foot.  I have been having increasingly more pain in my right foot and I have 'lumps' on the top and side (below the ankle) of my foot.  Some days it's almost impossible to walk without pain and limping; and then another day (not too many though) that I can actually walk a little further before the pain starts to kick in.  I can get around without a cane (I'm too stubborn to change yet) but if I don't have something done soon, I feel I may need one. I have had xrays and ultra sound on the right foot and all it shows is a 'cyst' on the top but I also have a lump on the side as I said.  My Rheumatologist said that he would assess it again next month to see how it is.  My Rheumatoid arthritis started in my feet and has progressed to other joints as well (hands, neck, shoulders, elbows, wrists).  Did you have similar problems with your foot before needing surgery?  I am the lady whose husband planted the flowers for her and yes, he is a blessing to me and thank God for him everyday.  Thank you for any information you can give to me regarding your right foot, i.e symptoms, reason for surgery.  God Bless you and all who are in chronic, constant pain; and I too believe that God only gives us what we can endure.  Diane 

   Hi Diane,  Im so sorry for your pain. I do not have RA as far as I know. I have OA. But I can tell you what my symtoms were.  I had alot of burning, it would burn llike it was on fire,  and God forbid if I would turn my ankle on the slightest little bump in the sidewalk or a tree root in the ground, I would be in agony.  But that was about the extent of my pain,, but at times if I walked too much or stood too much I would be on crutches for atleast a day and a half.  Right now  I am in need of bone fusion on my left foot. It has been difficult trying to find an orthopaedic surgeon in my area, but I have found a good hospital. The pain in my left foot, is different because there is more deterioration of the bone, I don't know if you've ever had a broken bone, but when you put alot of pressure on it it hurts alot,, but when you take the pressure off the pain is almost unbearable. I hope your dr. decides to do the surgery and take the cysts out and in doing so may discover why you have more pain. I wish you all the luck in the world, and God bless you and your wonderful husband. I too have a wonderful man in my life, and consider myself very blessed, and am about to have another grandbaby, thank you for your concern, and I would love to talk with you more about your flowers, and anything else you would like to talk about, and please feel free to ask me any questions about my condition, and I am a very good listener, so if you just want to talk or are troubled about something feel free to write me again.  All My Best To You and Your Hubby,  Martha 

You practice ignoring the pain. Sometimes you almost forget. The tools are there, you feel pretty confident you can handle it. Just as you think your doing good, your body flares and reminds you it's still there. Is this just the same old thing, no, it's different this time.    

First it's the fear, then it's the panic. The crisis passes, not very smoothly at all. Your not yourself, you let the anger and fear take control. The frustration turns to depression.   

You tell yourself, it's okay, "it's not life threatning", but then, sometimes you wish it was. at least there will be an end in sight.    

you feel inadequate, what are you doing wrong, what did you do to deserve this. Then you catch the tape playing in your head, so....   

you start all over again, practice ignoring the pain...........   

you set your goals, you keep your faith but are challenged at every turn. Tired, beaten, broke and forever in pain. Yet.... you are guilty if you give up. Guilty for thinking perhaps it would be better if,..... If only........, But then you are guilty of being selfish for thinking about yourself.    

Stop the merry-go-round and let me off. There is no winner, no matter what.   

God forgive me~   

Beleive me, I understand where you are coming from. But wonder where you are heading. 

Why are you asking God to forgive you ? Did you personally cause your chronic pain? 

Do you live in sin everyday of your life ? 

I would probally be right that, you personally are a good person , filled with love and not understanding alot of things in your life because of your pain.  

I have suffered with Chronic Pain for the past 20 some odd years. Doctors, I have had some of the best. Medication, Not to much out there that I haven't tried. Electric Stimulators to Block pain, I have one of the best made. 

You wrote a letter that touched me in away that I know exactly how you feel. I myself have had those same thoughts and ideas and wonders. As I sit here typing this letter to you I hurt so bad that I just wonder why ! 

So please don't be so hard on yourself. You live it you own it then by God you have the right to talk about it. Try not to think about what others are thinking about you. They tell you they understand about your pain and how it feels. You have to love them for at lease saying it , because you know in your heart that there is no way they could possibly handle the every days of your LIFE !!!! 

I get by with saying this to myself alot,  

I Don't Care How Bad I have It Someone Else has it worst and if you don't beleive that, go to one of the Milatary Hospitals and see for yourself and with the Grace of the Dear Lord we will both continue to get by each day. 

Take care of yourself and I am looking forward to you talking with me. You may not want to after reading my response to your letter. ..........TC - GB 

Will 

P.S   Look in the mirror every day and say , hey you, you earn the right and that I am a good person  

thank you so much for your response. I try my best, but sometimes it just is so bad I really can't stand it. The most frustration is the doctors keep telling me different things. I don't think they really have figured out what on earth is happening to me.  

Sometimes I just get down on myself. I've done and do everything I can to survive. Some days, I just need a little help. 

Even the hospitals treat you as if your just seeking attention. (depending on the Dr..... I've had some that were great). 

I had one tell me it wasn't life threatening so why did I go to the hospital. I lost it. Then they tell you, you need a shrink. I went to a shrink cause I really was beginning to think I was crazy. He told me there was nothing he could help me with and my doctors were doing a great job. 

He did apologize for the dr. at the hospital and said when the flare up gets that bad I should go.. 

As you can imagine, I'm rather gun shy now.  

I just feel like a second class citizen sometimes. I tried to work and boy was that a mistake. Yet, I have to fight insurers (who really couldn't care less) and put on a good face for those around me. Some days I'm just too tired and sore so I stay in the house alone. 

Of course, that certainly doesn't help when the depression kicks in. 

I feel much better today and want to thank you for your words of encouragement. I've always been a fighter (much without choice), mainly for others, guess I just needed to hear my own words (yours). 

I hope your feeling better and have many "good" days ahead! 

Thank you again! 

Coffee  

I am 40 years old and live with chronic pain do to Fibromyalgia.  I have had to accept a lot of heartache.  People won't see my pain.  They expect me to be who I used to be.  But I have been able to find away to find peace of mind.  I fight my depression through my 12step program.  I try to live my life one Day at a Time and sometimes one  Minute at a time.  I pray the Serenity Prayer alot.  I believe that even if you do not have the disease of alcoholism or drug addiction that the 12step program can help you deal with the problems that plague your life.  If you are like I was and feeling like you are at the end of your rope then maybe you are willing to read one more book.  It would be the A.A. Big Book, you don't have to be an alcholic to get some help from it.  I know it helped my friend who is in terrible back pain from disc degeneration and her family will not accept her pain.  She absolutely does not have a drinking problem,  maybe a little bit of a bingo problem hehehe, but she doesn't even drink, Yet, she says the 12step application is helping her deal.  I am just another person in this Gigantic world of pain sufferers who is trying to help us all feel better.  I by no means want to insult anyone or suggest anything that would upset a single soul.  I just know that for me, the depression medicenes have ceased since I have been attending my meetings on a regular basis.  I of course take my pain meds(even those are much less than others I know with fibro), I hope this book can help. I really feel as though we are the pioneers for this disease and how we act will dictate how our care providers will respond to our disease. I do everything I can to alliviate the pain and live at a level of pain that is tolerable.  And accept the fact that the pain is there and will be there for the rest of my life or until a treatment is found.  I know the doctors I have talked to are fed up with people giving up and just wanting pain meds and wanting to sit at home.  They can't treat our spirit that is up to us.!!!!!  So anyway I am babbling on I just want to bring hope to those who feel hopeless because I have been there.  You are all in my prayers today!

  Hello Again Everyone,,  I just wanted to ask you all a question. Does anyone on the board know if their mothers took thalidamide when they were pregnant with them, back in the late fifties or early sixtites?  My mother took it and I think that is a big part of my problem with my joints. You see thalidamide was given to pregnant women back then for morning sickness,, but it caused bone NOT to form where it was suppose to form,, instead of bone forming cartalege formed, and we all know if we have arthiritis what it does to cartalege.  I'd just like to know if anyone else is having the problems that I am because of this drug.  A good friend of mine told me that her mom took the drug when she carried her older sister and her sister had to have her knee cap replaced when she was very young, and they recomended a knee replacement for her at the age of 11. So, anyone out there a thalidamide baby?  It was devastating to some of the babies that were born.  God Bless Everyone here. And lets all pray for the people in Mississippi, Alabama, and Louisiana. They need all the help they can get.  Martha