Topic : Living with Chronic Pain

 I so agree with you. This board has been a God send. I finally have something to look forward to each day, which is to log on. You have been a help, just by continuing to post and share your life with us. I missed being here yesterday due to storms. First thing I came to today. This is all new to me and still learning the ropes, when it comes to this computer stuff. Here's to everyone having a great day of hope.  

Just checking in and catching up on the messages. 

Mrs. Happy Diana from Wy.. is just not too happy today. 

I am not feeling good at all.  Wondering if the weather is playing a mean game with me or just over did it the last few days. 

My better half works in a coal mine here in Wy.. We have above ground mines here. And he has 7 days off in a row each month. And he only works 14 days a month. 

So, on his "days off" he loves to run 100 MPH.. and of course I try to keep up. He is good about letting me sleep- in or having a rest day with me.. BUT, there are days it just takes all I have to keep up with him and keep a "smile" on my face and say, I feel good, let's go............................ 

And between just "us", there are days I can't wait for him to go back to work, so I can just "rest" and not have to fake it all day.... 

And tonight is that "day".. 

And then of course I put the guilt on myself, I'm only 41 years old and I feel much older and wore out. And today is just one of those days I feel "BAD".. my body hurts and my heart hurts.............. And I just wonder "how can he put up with me?" what kind of life is this for him?? 

And I have so much guilt about how this chronic mess I am in, effects my sex drive. It is horrible. The med's just kick me to "no drive". 

And I can't even count the time's I tell myself, okay, tonight you are going to "make fireworks" and  guess what, I am just a fizzle.. a dud.. a punk.. NO Sparks on my end..................................... 

Is this a problem for anyone else?? I am feeling like a "freak" about this. I know I have read how med's effect this and I know this is what has to be my problem. I never had this situation before my accident.. 

And so far, I have not read anything on here about it... oh, leave it to me to be the big mouth, but it is a huge issue to me.. and I feel so bad about it.. 

And again, between "us".. I have had more night mare's about my husband "leaving me for another women" had one last night.. he was packing up his things and she was in MY TRUCK waiting for him.. I have at least 3 of these kind of dreams a month.. 

And I always telling him, no divorce, I HAVE TO HAVE YOU HEALTH INSURANCE, yep, that's my big deal...  

Okay, I know you are thinking I need to get a hold of myself here.. 

But, dose this effect anyone else? And how do you get things "going"??  

I hope I have not offended anyone, but this is a problem for me, and not that I wish it on anyone else, BUT is this a problem for anyone else?? 

Diana, 

You are not alone. Sex can be quiet the touchy subject to talk about. I have mixed feelings about it myself. 

I always tell myself "tonight will be the night" but then I'm also a punk about it. I don't know if it's the pain meds I'm on or the stress the chronic pain has caused in my life and my relationship or not. My husband, who was also in the MVA accident with my is on pain meds as well. Our sex life has is practically non-existent and we are both very young. I'm suppose to be in my "prime". There are days when I become bitter about it and when I just want that intimacy and I'll approach my husband about it, but then later that night, I'm turning him down. And there are days when it's reversed. We can't seem to get in sync with one another. He moreso than I, however. I have much of a sex drive than he has. We were told the medication he is on will decrease his sex drive, but I didn't think that would throw him nonexistent land.  

I guess at this point, I'm not afraid of him going elsewhere because he seems to be in the same boat as I, but as Dr. Phil alwasy says, it isn't the frequency of your sex, it's the intimacy and in a good relationship it just happens, everyone needs that closeness. But unfortunately, with those of us struggling with chronic pain, it isn't that easy.  

I'm at a loss here, but I just wanted you to know that you are not alone whatsoever.  

As far as "getting things going"....that isn't so much my husband's problem, that's mine. If I were to approach him a sexy manner, he just needs the right "mindset", doesn't take him long. But for me, a little "groping" doesn't do it anylonger...a little sexy talk doesn't either. I need much more stimulation than that. We've tried numerous things (and I hope this doesn't offend anyone either), but we've tried sex toys, we've tried pornography, we've tried longer periods of foreplay....and when women aren't in the mood (or myself rather, I shouldn't classify everyone here), the more you touch me, the more I become "ticklish" and simply ruins the mood.  

So if anyone has any advice, I'll love to hear it myself. 

Good afternoon 

Thank you so much for talking about this. 

 And I never thought about "stress" that we live with on a day to day bases, then to add just the chronic pain on it's own level and all that follows this. Duh, stress can do so many things to our minds and body's.  

And how true about "frequency and intimacy". When you said this, it was like a light turned on in my head. 

When I was a working Mom and Wife, I always went with the thought that there was a huge difference with my "time". That is was not about how much time I spent with my family, it was the quality of the time that I spent with my family. 

And again, thank you for being so "open" about different approaches. I had a friend who told me that when she got married, her Mother told her.. "what goes on behind close doors, the sky can be the limit, as long as both of you are holding hands while you are flying together and hurt is never involved".. And how true. 

And to be funny here, a few years back, a group of my friends were having /toy party's and I always use to tell the hostess of these parties, "this is one time I can blow as much money as I want and my husband never complains about these parties and the amount I write the check for" and all of us girls would just crack up laughing... But is was a true statement.. He was always up waiting for me to get home to see what I bought.  

I think I need to put in some extra time on "effort"..  

I know that I have said before, that I try to make the effort everyday to get up and put on make-up and get dressed. (lol, it's not happening today) but, I need to make it a priority more offent than trying to clean or laundry or not letting the dishes "sit" over night.. 

Wow, I feel much clearer in my thoughts now.. 

Thank you again.. 

I am feeling so much better now than this morning.. THANK YOU.. 

Diana 

Diana, 

Well, you are welcome. We shouldn't be afraid to talk about our sexuality. We all have sex for heaven's sake.  

I'm glad you feel much better. It's always nice to know your not alone.  

But as you stated, getting dressed, putting on make-up, etc. makes you feel soooo good. Not only for your husband, but also for yourself. One night try getting as much rest as possible, wake up with a happy face, get dressed, put your make-up on and WOW your husband. You might be surprised how sexy you feel and how many "fire works" your able to light that night. And if you're too tired at night, what about a nooner? Morning? Right before dinner? Who said we need to be intimate in the evening?  

I often times let myself go as well. Don't get me wrong. Being a mother and a wife and living with chronic pain is stressful, but when I do something nice for ME, I learn to appreciate life and all that comes with being a mother and a wife. I'm not perfect, never will be, nor am I the perfect mother or wife...BUT....when you feel good about yourself, everyone notices.  

Your comment about the sex parties made me laugh. You were so right. You know, you could even try a romantic dinner at home for when your husband gets home from work, that might set the mood and this way, you have all day to "prepare" yourself, get in that mind set.  

And also, did you know that having an orgasm is a powerful pain killer? Oxytocin, a chemical in the body is released and also endorphins. So perhaps we should contemplate being more intimate with our significant others for the sake of our chronic pain!  

Maggie55, I'm guessing your the post that Has Ulcerated Colitis problems. Yep I had my share of this Christmas 05 in the hospital. You mentioned, "NEUROTIN". I took this for my FMS problems about 2 years. It did help w/FMS...& then one day my body I guess started going into it's 7 year change. NEUROTIN, has been used for many things & has helped many people. 

Most  people don't get enough fiber in their daily diets. For myself I found eating, Whole grain TOTAL cereal, was a great sourse of fiber for me. I also eat, Metamucil Apple Fiber Wafers, daily. 

My doctor put me on: NULEV tabs,BENTYL capsules, & Prevacid 30 mg/twice daily, for colitis.  As long as I eat right, I'm in hopes of getting better.  

I looked back into my family history, finding my grandmother & great grand mother had alot of colon problems. Back in their days, they ate what they grew out of the garden. Some things  just run in our genes. Does for the women in my family, anyways. 

Some people believe in, MIND OVER MATTER. This might work for some people...But, others-not! 

  My youngest daughter, works full time, has 1 son + going to school to become a LPN. My oldest daughter, works part time, has 3 children & is going to school to get her RN lic. 

My youngest daughter took sickly, but kept burning the candle at both ends- my oldest daughter kept telling her, your not sick just lazy. NO TWO PEOPLE ARE THE SAME! 

I talked my youngest daughter into going to see my doctor. Of course my oldest daughter didn't approve of this, because she wanted to believe her sister was LAZY. My oldeat daughter is  a "MIND OVER MATTER PERSON. " Well, my youngest daughter went thru---TEST-TEST-finding her to be VERY RUN DOWN & ANEMIC.... Here's the catch: Oldest daughter's husband cooks for their family. Youngest daughter is divorced-eats fast foods....SO WE ARE WHAT WE EAT! 

Lets face it, in Todays World-It's a fast pace, everybody's stressed out trying to make ends meet, wanting more & more. Once our healths down, we are down. I'm ashamed to say , it took me 53 years to see-What my great grandmom said, "Life is short, take care of your health & enjoy smelling the roses along the way". I have now learned to let things go over my head(stress) , If I can't fix it, The Good Lord can -if it's in his will.  Although I'm sickly-I praise the Lord, daily for what I do have. Because so many people have less! God's strength is made perfect in my weakness. 

I'll remember you Maggie55 in my daily prayers.   

 I also take B-12 shots, weekly + 1 a day vitamins + The NEW-Vitasmart Sugar Free Calcium soft chews. They have 500mg each (I TAKE 3 a day) calcium with vitamins D & K.  MMMMMMMMMMM 

they are good. 

Hi all. I've had rheumatoid arthritis for almost 9 years now. I am in pain daily. Some days are better, some are worse. Some I can't dress myself or tend to myself after using the toilet. Last year I lost my job at Wall World when I needed to take a leave of absence. They gave me 15 days to get the doctor to fill out my paperwork,or I would be considered QUIT. The doctor couldn't even get me an appointment for atleast 3 months, and would NOT fill out the papers until he examined me. I've tried to get disability, got denied, hired a lawyer(he's also my landlord), filed for a reconsideration, got denied, got to go see my lawyer/landlord Thursday at his office. I am so afraid that me and my son (20yrs. old & working) will become homeless. I already skip some meals, but I could stand to loose a couple pounds.       But anyway, just venting and hurting. LOVE YA, BYE