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Topic : Staying Sick or Exaggerating for the Payoff?

Number of Replies: 60
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Created on : Thursday, July 07, 2005, 09:06:53 am
Author : dataimport
It's a sad fact that some folks enjoy the attention received during a time of recuperation from illness. But perhaps it really isn't the boy who cried wolf - and it's hard to tell what's true and what isn't. Sound familiar? Share your stories here.

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January 2, 2008, 11:41 pm CST

Seems this is a close to dead thread but I will go here anyway

I only read a few posts, but I am surprised at what I read. Shame on you Dr Phil for even encouraging people to consider the chronic sickness has a payoff. Anyone with any sense understands that even if someone is using physical illness as a crutch there is a reason and that reason isn't a healthy one. So helllooooo, what this thread is encouraging is people to poo-poo others who are ill. And yet they are in one form or another. The person who needs to be chronically ill is mentally ill. Being angry at that person and/or accusing them of seeking a payoff is pretty twisted itself frankly.

 

As for myself, the amount of illness I have had to deal with in the last two years has made me a complete believer that we can in no way know what another person is actually feeling. One day I ache and hurt so badly I can't get out of bed, the next I feel like nothing was ever wrong. The joy of lupus, Graves disease and Sjogren's syndrome all wrapped up together. But hey I am not bleeding anywhere so people tend not to be sympathetic. I just smile at them, because I know they are either clueless or just incredibly stupid. No matter, when someone tells me they feel bad, I believe them and I will do what I can to help them. Because there for the grace of God, go I. And I have gone there. If someone is mentally ill enough to use sickness to garner caring and help from others, then certainly the need is real. It just may not be clear what the real illness is in reality.

 

For those of you that read this and doubt others sickness, be careful. If that were you (and don't think it can't be, because it can) would you want people to think so poorly of you?

 

Lashes with a wet noodle for Phil or whoever thought this thread offers any legitimacy.

 
February 1, 2008, 11:55 am CST

Why would I want to lose the life I enjoyed?

I have two teenage sons, a stepdaughter, and a husband that works way to hard...especially now.  I have six years of healthcare/psychology education and have worked in the healthcare profession for almost 20 years. 

I finally had the job of my dreams....I was the Assisted Living Nurse Manager in a town, county, state where the concept in just getting to be utilized.  I was in this job before the building was built. I was there from the ground up. I ran it at full capacity for over two years.

I am a type A personality.  I have ALWAYS worked two jobs, even when I was going to college and driving 1 1/2 one way, with two children at home.  I have ALWAYS wanted the best for my family.

In the last two years the chronic pain has gotten worse and worse.  I AM NOT A COMPLAINER.  Everytime I have ended up in the hospital it was truly legitamite. When I was diagnosed with FIBROMYALGIA, it explained alot, but that does not help the misunderstanding I deal with every day. My family does not understand what or why, what they understand is mom doesn't work anymore and I can't do the things I used to. I can't play basketball, or baseball with them.  I can't sit through concerts anymore.  I can't drive them everytime they want to go somewhere.  They also understand that we can't afford a home anymore because mom doesn't provide that extra income.  Yeah, they understand it, do they understand how I feel? NO! of course not they are teenagers and they feel I must be doing this just to make their life miserable.

What payoff?  I cannot get disability, nor have I tried.  Fibromyalgia is only a disorder that is only in the last few months starting to be recognized.  I cannot afford any kind of therapy, only medications that somedays make matters worse.

I absolutely to the depths of my sould hate this condition and would not wish it on anyone.  It has ruined my life, my husbands life and my childrens life.  I am an educated individual who has potential that will probably never be utilized because of I live most my days alone wishing there was something I could do to change what has happened to me and my family.

I have Fibromyalgia....it does not have me!  Or does it?

Blessed Be,
Laurie
 
February 9, 2008, 11:00 pm CST

Staying Sick Or Exagerating Fro The Payoff?

To the ladies who wrote, the lumps may be cysts, they could even be cancer.  You should have it checked out by someone who knows what they are doing.  If you are not happy with your doctor move on till you find one that works with you and takes you seriously.  I have found women doctors to be better and have gooten better care from them.  When you find you have a symptom, go do a search, start with a single word and add to it till you find a site that works for you to pin point your symptoms.  You may take a day to find what you seak, but it is better to find than not know at all.  This is how I start and have found the answers to many things.  Also, to the lady with all the pain and on so many meds, you may want to make sure it is not rebound pain from some of your meds that are causing your pain in and of itself and some of your health problems.  For instance,  anti-inflamatories can raise blood pressure, can cause swelling of hands and feett and that in turn can cause headaches. 

 

Rebound pain from meds can cause headaches also.  High blood pressure meds can cause dizziness and make you off balance and fall.  When starting new meds make sure to write the date on a calendar and then also note any new symptoms to tell your doctor so they can adjust or change your med or take you off altogether.  Be aware that anti depressants can cause you to feel tired a lot, feel irritated, feel suicidal, feel like fighting with others and more.  You have to be aware of side affects and not all will happen to anyone, but can and also, not all mix the same in any one persons system.  You have to keep your doctor informed.  As to lots of abdominal pain, that can be colitis and it took doctors 15 years to find this, in spite of all my tests were normal.  It took 10 years to find hypothyroid in spite of tests being normal.  It took 20 years to diagnos fibromyalgia.  None of it would have been found had I not pushed, and had I not switched and switched till I now have the best doctors for me and my health.  If you do not have money for insurance and even if you do you may wnat to try a clinic in your area, they are great and highly regulated, more so that private doctors and I feel give more and better care.  If you have a lot to discuss with your doc ask for the last appointment of the day so as to not take up time from other patients.

 

When taking meds, some may not mix so well and you may want to try taking some in the morning and some at night if it is possible.  If you have any that make you tired, take them before bedtime.  some meds can also keep you awake and intefer with sleep.  Warm mil is still good for helping to sleep.  There are other vitamins, can't think of right now for this also.  A doctor, homeopath or homeopathic website should have a list of names.  As with anything, check with your doctor, make sure you are not allergic to what you are taking, do not try an new meds or vits without someone with you so if you need help it is there,

 

Most important to remember is it is your job to keep pushing till they find what it is, but you can help immenxely if you go online and check some of the information out against what you feel and bring a list of it up to your doctor and let them rule it out.  They are not miracle workers and most are over worked and welcome your input.  I do this all the time, it is of help to my doctor and it shows I am trying to be an active part in my healthcare and not just leaving it up to her to do it all.  I appreciate my doctors and if I can help I do not mind, as in the long run it helps me.

 

I have found http://www.webmd  and   http://www.merck.com to be useful and there are others in helping to find answers to health symptoms and questions.  Not all sites answer all, you may have to use some from one and go to another or a word from one that leads to another to get your answers.  Do not be afraid to do what it takes and if you have to jump around and you find your answer all the better for you and your doctor(s).  If you think you have come up with something like you have (be aware their are many crossovers - illness that are one but look and act like another so a doctor does tests or process of elimination for answers) get the web site URL = http address and the pertinant info and if you can print it all the better.  If you find a lot then do a copy and paste into a notepad and then when done print it in brief form with enoough info for the doctor to be able to know what is is saying.  Doctors are not necessarrily in the know on all that is out there, especially if M.D., I have found many things that they were not aware of and that they found of use also for other patients.  For them I put this info on a floppy disk and give it to them to look at as they can.

 

I hope some of this is  of help to you and I hope you alll the best and wish for you that your days are better and getting better all the time.

 

Sincerely, Viv

 
June 2, 2008, 2:56 pm CDT

I think what is meant by payoff...

I am new to the boards. I came into the health section because I am looking for info on different things I am going though these days. I have had something 'arthritic" going on for some time now. It started when I was 15  - I am 35 this week. Since then, I have had several major...oh what do they all it... "flares". The last one attacked my thyroid and now I am hypo. So, I know the meaning of being in pain on a daily basis and the exhaustion that comes with it.

 

This thread really caught my eye. I read as many of the posts as I could... there were too many to read all of them. I think what caught my eye was the "exaggerating for the payoff" part. I work in a hospital. The department I work for has around 30 people in it. Out of those 30 or so people, I work with about a handful of people who are always complaining about some pain or other. Their toe hurts. If they bend over and get a twinge of pain, you get a really long and played out drama of it all that could last through the whole shift. Why are they doing that? The payoff? I think so. I think that is what they are meaning by exaggerating for the payoff. So many people just need so much attention. And the more you give them, the more they need...

 

I go to several arthritis message boards. I don't go every day, but I do go if something new comes up and I want info on it,a nd to be ready with somewhat educated questions for my doctor when i do go see him. But, more often than not,  I find I can't stay too long and read the posts because they depress me. For the majority of people, they go there just to get the attention. I am not saying they aren't in pain, for that, I am sure they are! But it is always a huge drama deal. I have a hard time believing that you can be in excruciating pain every single day AND be on the high potent steroid drugs (injected no less). How depressing is that? Is there no relief for anyone? Is that my future? There is only so many "I am sorry you are going through this" or "I hope you feel better" you can say to any once single person. 

 

You can't possibly console some of these people - because they will never be ok. They thrive on the attention it gives them. I know that sounds mean, but there it is. The elephant in the room nobody wants to acknowledge. Even at my worst  nobody would know I was in that much pain. I remember when I was 17 years old and having my mother to dress me for school. Not being able to brush my own teeth. Being 21 and in university and not being able to get up from the toilet because of my knees and ankles being so swollen. Being stuck there because I was the only one in the dorm because everyone else had gone home for the long weekend. I can laugh at that now, but can honestly say I was really scared that day. Nothing worse than being totally fine one day and the next not being able to do the most easiest of tasks.  I am happy and proud to say I graduated high school and university with perfect attendance and nobody but maybe one friend new of the pain I was going through.Today, at work nobody knows when I am in pain. It is part of me, but not ME. 

 

I don't' say this to say I am better than anyone - which I know I am not. I am not saying this to be mean. I know how hard it is to live with chronic pain. I know some days are worse than others, but you have to live. So many people adopt the pitiful me syndrome when they are diagnosed with something. It is sad. Life is so precious and short. Too short to stop living because you choose to be defined by your disease or discomfort. It only makes you feel worse! I know there will be posters all upset with my post. This thread is a great way of posting their ailments and a way of getting more attention by getting defensive. I am not saying anyone here is not in pain (both by their illness and emotional/mental pain because of the same illness and their need for people to understand).

 

I don't think that it is a simple, get out there and start living your life type of answer the problem. I think people who choose to use their illness and pain as a way of getting attention need help. Something else is wrong - either depression or another psychological problem that makes them so needy.

 

At any rate, those who posted who are going through a difficult time in their lives, I wish you all the best. I wish you days of relief and I hope that you are doing well today - if not today, then maybe tomorrow?

 

Today, I am a 35 year old woman who is going to college to get upgrading and is going to med school in two years. I run every day, and work full time. My pain is mine. My disease is just a small percentage of who I am. I have set back ( my thyroid has been attacked and is not working anymore, my lungs are starting to be affected, and now my eyesight is getting worse every month. But I will not give in  to this, I will never complain, and I will never forget how important living each day to the fullest is the only way to ensure that when the time comes that my life is over... I can say I live it to the fullest and I was happy.

 
June 16, 2008, 3:05 pm CDT

Home bound

Quote From: j2james

Hello, I've had the dizziness...I know what you are talking about.  I've been so dizzy, weeks at a time with vomiting every time I opened my eyes.  Until there was nothing to vomit.  Doctors have told me there was nothing they could do.  One told me it was Mieres disease and gave me medicine that stayed in my body for a year, but it didn't help anything.  It caused me to start diarrhea and I've stayed close to the potty for over two years.  All test has been run for this too. 

But for the dizziness a strange thing...I started using Flonase only at night before I went to bed.

It stopped the dizziness.

Given to me for my alergy problems. I ran out of Flonase and didn't get it refilled. I really didn't want the stroids.   I just boiled water and put it in my Astelin bottle and sprayed my nose each night before bed.  I've not been dizzy again.

You my want to try it and see if it will work for you.

 

As for as the diarrhea I have no idea how to stop it.  I've been to doctors and test run and nothing has stopped it.  The only thing I have found that I can eat is peanutbutter and jelly.  And drink only water.  One doctor gave me nerve pills and antidepressant.  What a joke.  All I did was sleep.  But I took them for almost a year and didn't anything change.

I've started treating myself with natural food and medicines.  After reseaching everything.

I've had several of the same symtoms. It's been 12 weeks since I've been able to hold any thing down. And I have been unable to have a regular bowel movement. Either I can go or I cant.  The Dr. said at first i had a Peptic ulcer. Now after losing 34 pounds in 5 weeks he now is running test on me. I cant do any of the things that I used to do. I cant go to the garden for more than a few min. then I get sick, or go fishing. That

is killing me. I love to fish, and we have a pond about 200 yards away. All I can do is look at it. I cant stand this. I love this time of year I get a tan and have brighter skin. I seem to be happier during warm weather. Now I get depresses really easy, I snap at husband and friends. They understand, but for how long? I can hardley keep up with house work because I give out real easy and to cook supper kills me. When the smell hits me I have to stop and get him to take over. He has been an angle about it. He says he knows how hard I work to keep every thing going, I guess thats a good thing. I'm ready to get back to normal. I cant stand sleeping all they time. Thats causing my legs to burn all the time. Dr. said thats my cyatic(sp)nerve getting pressed more than usual and I need to get out and walk. Wow I would love to that. But what happens if I pass out because the heat has got me. I dont know what to do anymore. I feel like this is going to put me in an early grave. My husband gets mad when I say that. But sometimes that what it makes me feel like.

 
June 30, 2008, 1:42 pm CDT

going crazy now

Quote From: mmcgrotha06

I've had several of the same symtoms. It's been 12 weeks since I've been able to hold any thing down. And I have been unable to have a regular bowel movement. Either I can go or I cant.  The Dr. said at first i had a Peptic ulcer. Now after losing 34 pounds in 5 weeks he now is running test on me. I cant do any of the things that I used to do. I cant go to the garden for more than a few min. then I get sick, or go fishing. That

is killing me. I love to fish, and we have a pond about 200 yards away. All I can do is look at it. I cant stand this. I love this time of year I get a tan and have brighter skin. I seem to be happier during warm weather. Now I get depresses really easy, I snap at husband and friends. They understand, but for how long? I can hardley keep up with house work because I give out real easy and to cook supper kills me. When the smell hits me I have to stop and get him to take over. He has been an angle about it. He says he knows how hard I work to keep every thing going, I guess thats a good thing. I'm ready to get back to normal. I cant stand sleeping all they time. Thats causing my legs to burn all the time. Dr. said thats my cyatic(sp)nerve getting pressed more than usual and I need to get out and walk. Wow I would love to that. But what happens if I pass out because the heat has got me. I dont know what to do anymore. I feel like this is going to put me in an early grave. My husband gets mad when I say that. But sometimes that what it makes me feel like.

ok, now my stomach problems are better, but now I'm having other things happing to me. I now am having panic attacks and im walking around in a dream like state. I get confused real easy and this just doesnt make sense.I have DR appt tomorrow and I have wrote down everything thats been going on. But I find myself  unable to remember  how to spell words that are common, I feel like I'm going crazy. My best friend came by  yesterday  just to chit chat and I lost it when she walked in the house. All I could do was cry and ramble off words. For some reason she had her zanax on her ( she never takes them with her) and she gave me one and it helped but today it has started again. I feel like i cant function right anymore. I hope the doc will really listen to me and help. what to do? any advice,please
 
September 30, 2008, 5:55 pm CDT

how to handle situation

I have a daughter in law that in the 2 1/2 years that her and my son have been married has had a job at a local grocery store, two different daycares,  3 nursing homes, a hospital and has been fired or "let go" from all of these for being sick too much-hurt herself on job(back, shoulder, pulled muscle) Everytime she is sick she has to be taken to the ER.  She has Mirgranes, they can find no reason and I understand that.  but they cn never find anything wrong.  She is sick (back ) for 2 weeks and can't  go to work, but she can go to her 15 year old step brothers birthday party.  She is fine when all the attention is on her, she says I and me more than anyone I have ever met in my life.  My son is very sweet and gullable and doesn't want the fights or the "you don't care about me, do you!!" when he questions if she really need the ER.

I think she is playing and she is doing all of this for attention.  And I don't know how to handle this situation with out losing my temper.  If there is something wrong I am very sorry for how I feel.   I think there is something wrong with her but I think that for the most part it is that she want attention all the time.

Help!
 
November 16, 2008, 5:41 pm CST

Question for you

Quote From: mmcgrotha06

I've had several of the same symtoms. It's been 12 weeks since I've been able to hold any thing down. And I have been unable to have a regular bowel movement. Either I can go or I cant.  The Dr. said at first i had a Peptic ulcer. Now after losing 34 pounds in 5 weeks he now is running test on me. I cant do any of the things that I used to do. I cant go to the garden for more than a few min. then I get sick, or go fishing. That

is killing me. I love to fish, and we have a pond about 200 yards away. All I can do is look at it. I cant stand this. I love this time of year I get a tan and have brighter skin. I seem to be happier during warm weather. Now I get depresses really easy, I snap at husband and friends. They understand, but for how long? I can hardley keep up with house work because I give out real easy and to cook supper kills me. When the smell hits me I have to stop and get him to take over. He has been an angle about it. He says he knows how hard I work to keep every thing going, I guess thats a good thing. I'm ready to get back to normal. I cant stand sleeping all they time. Thats causing my legs to burn all the time. Dr. said thats my cyatic(sp)nerve getting pressed more than usual and I need to get out and walk. Wow I would love to that. But what happens if I pass out because the heat has got me. I dont know what to do anymore. I feel like this is going to put me in an early grave. My husband gets mad when I say that. But sometimes that what it makes me feel like.

Have you been tested for celiacs disease? I suffered for 4 years before they found mine. Everyone has different symptoms from what I hear. i didn't have the typical symptoms of celiacs although I lost a huge amount of weight. I did have strange "psych" sypmtoms. I was actually walking into walls. I couldn't think straight nor find the right words to say when I spoke.   Ironically now three years gluten free I have been diagnosed with meniere' disease. It's stinks! some people have stomach problems when they get flares of their meneire' s. I have learned to be my own Dr. when it comes to things like this.....listen to your body and keep searching!!!  I went to Dr. after Dr. and they told me it was all in my head. Not!
God bless.
 
February 3, 2009, 2:41 pm CST

Doctors make me feel like I am not aware

I have been to an oncologist and told by his nurse that I needed follow up care and treatment

then I met with him and said not and then office said I do

I then went to speiclaist in big facility specializes and they said tests were not complete

and took more blood- so now I have another appt with another docotr at the first place

Low white blood count, platelets off, bruising,leukopenia adn other problmes

Big facility is sending me results- I am getting all tests from cancer center

I am seeing hematolgists-oncologists and I am anxious and don't understand what they are doing

I  have had about 6-7 blood tests

 
March 20, 2009, 8:10 am CDT

Professional Enablers

Before I scream I have to say that in my view, developed through experience, the most active, and dangerous enablers, I have yet to see work, in the medical / psychological " industries". I say industries because that's how I see it. These people will convince alcoholic and drug abusers that they have a " disease" which gives them a perfect, and incurable, excuse for their abusive behavior. ( the devil made / makes me do it ) This " disease " classification enables the hospitals, etc, to " earn " hundreds of billions each year from insurance " industry " payments which they would not have otherwise. If you have been involved and had to pay and / or arrange to pay for a loved ones treatment you will find that the treatment comes to an end or is streached out in accordance with when the money is available. Sixty five percent ( I have read from prestigious university studies ), of people that develop critical gall bladder failure, while in an ICU situation, die from it because it will be ignored as the symptoms are so similar to that of severe alcoholism. I have listened to the Dr Phil Show for years and find that using this hocum, along with what seems to be good advice, and " Dr Phil Products " he and his wife should be billionaires by now. This seems to be how America has come to be. Everywhere one looks it's greed, greed, greed, lie cheat steal. A not for profit organization is now one that can pay the top guys whatever they want while, dodging taxes.
 
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