Topic : Staying Sick or Exaggerating for the Payoff?

Hi! Wow and no you are not mentally ill or a hypocon, sounds like you are pretty brave. Sound like, the family is suffering from the ME Syndrome, this is my philosophy. They fear the worse, and that is not a feeling that fits into their life. It has to do with this time in history, no one has time, no one gives as our parents and grandparent did in compassion and care for the sick. The clock is turned to tightly, and you are just another worry. They are so blessed, and see us as lazy, and lofters, but that is their issue, not yours, not your problem seek friends, you have one here.  

I know I sound bitter, but it is not true, I as others, want to be loved, and cared for with illness, not control, but respected as an intellegent human being. We would give anything to pop-up and dress-up and run to work. Who wants to live on Social Security at less than 750.00 a month, my rent is more than half that, I made good money in my profession, I loved a new challenge, socializing with people. It was leaving because I became unable to walk, to get in an out of my chair, the pain and stiffness, not meds were working. I 've tried to work and it does not work for me, working at home would, but there is no valid , honest company too trust. I have some law, I am a pre-law BA student, and know the score. Financially, starting a business is not affordable, loans and credit are dishonest when you are ill and on SSI.  

What I would not give to be tired from working all day, than to be tired from being blood deficient or a disease is sucking the life out of me.  

People as Dr Phil says, "GET REAL" who is have the greater problem with our illness, us, I do not think so, I think they make it harder for us. My Brother I cannot even talk to him or his wife they always judge, yes the doctor made mistakes, so have you, and I did not just relay on just his opinion, no one seeks as much opinions as I do. I am tough on it and make sure, I have been burned, but I do not have a PhD nor a MD. Neither of us are God, and they are well, health, and those are usually the ones with all the answes. But I have seen it after 20 years in the medical field, when it comes their time, they fall a part. No one can make them think different, it is through life experiences that we change and grow.  My favor saying is "the best raised kids are by thos that have had none. I lvied with someone like that, they had no clue, if your really sick how do you get up and take care of them, "she said, I could not do that with my illness", my answer ,"yes you would," "those are your children", "they need you, just as if they were going to drowned without you" "you get up and go back to bed on their naps", you die to you when someone is there to take over. Then you crash in bed.  So, do you a favor, find a Crohen support group. They know what it is too be sick, to have a chronic illness and they will help with daily life, with mental health, and with loving support that understands it for real.  

Your weight, get Dr. Phils book, I have lost over 100 pounds , I have the picutres to prove it. But it was before his book, but based on the same philosophy. You have to eat right for ever, and eat healthier, we are what we eat.  It is not a crime to have a piece of chocolate cake, but that and about 2 fruits and three vegables would be the whole days food allowance. You will fail at that, it is a sure failure. So, if you occassionally three time a month feel like you want that, then have protien , like a bioled egg and lunch a low calorie choice, and dinner a vegable and meat , and small piece of cake share it with your hubby , give him the larger piece. I know Crohon is limited in diet, my sister and newphew have it, he wa 12 and no is in remission for years , do too surgery. She is having a terrible time, it is her diet , her life style, rush, rush and time and clock, this make the gastoric juices flow, the constant stress. Stress is a bad thing , too any disease, it will make it ten time worse.  

I started to paint and right down, ideas for fashions for men and woman, with augmentations. It is a stressless time and leaves , me too develop my gifts.  I am an activist for people with chronic illness, writing to Washington on line, through the National Pain Foundation, and for several other well known issues. Busy, but important stress less busy is a good thing. While I am sitting here typing, I am listening to a basketball hit the ground in front of my house, I live across from a park on the waterfront. This fellow is in his forties, he has Tuiresettes. he yells and twist uncontrolled, he is out there every day. Even in the snow, because we are in the north east, he clear the court with a shovel. He is like a Globe Trotter. He has over ten years become a great basketball player. He twist but has mastered his movement's to his timing.  

We have too master our movements with our disease, if that is not understood, it is like today is not a day for me to go up and down the stairs doing laundry, I am too painfull and stiff, but yesterday was a better day. But today I have to do something, maybe I will paint of write , even if I only can do it for a while now and maybe later tonight I will try to move around more. I have sisters, that live like this, we are not quiters, we have a disease, but we remind us that it does not have me. Do what you can, without harming your condition. You know when, you no how much, the heck with peoples opinions, there is an old saying, there like butts, everyone has one,  theyare not always worth off what comes out in the way of compassion.  

Be tough, strong in your heart, and be what you know, your can be. I will pray for your family's hearts, as I do my own. But I can tell you, I still live my life the way i can. Yes , "it hurts" families are the last one too hurt us and gossip to others, in the family and outside what they think. An people swollow that stuff, and do not see the shallowness in their judgement. When I hear someone say, I love them but, that BUT is my que to leave silently, cause here it comes,  love does not have butts, or maybe it does.  

Dr. Phil's book I have had some good laughs with a friend. It has the past me and the remience of the present me, so I still have some issues as we all do. If we were perfect we would have entered into the pearly gates already, we would not need to work anything else out.  

God Bless 

Extreme206 

Hi! 

I was going to stop and not write anymore today, but I had too. So, that I am not judging everyone either, your mother may be missing something in here life.  Her illness may not be as bad but in her mind they are, but it is a bigger puzzle, it is being alone, and time as pasted, and little in her life left. So, she thinks, your going to help her think differently, I hope.  

I worked with elderly for years, as the grow older and loses spouses, and their life is not active and their not connected to the outside world they feel abandoned, and she is holding on in other ways.  

Try this, take her out without getting into discussions about her illness. Just enjoy the baby and her, write down things , you want to ask her about her past, her child hood, where she lived, what the town was like, show interest in her , and after for or five outings, ask her if she would like too have her hair or nails done with you. Develop a relationship based on, interest no on needs. Show her new things, do not disgard her illness or whatever, just say,"oh I am sorry, if I can do anything for you, let me know", "change the subject", you did not push her feelings away, you acknowledge them, and you offered, and now you are helping her too think outside that boxs.  

Maybe she will begin to trust you, and allow you too come too the doctor appointments, but you have too have developed a relationship that will open that door.  Going to the doctors is not too challenge what she tells you, but too better understand what it is she has, and what you can do for her , to make her happier, even if she did have a illness that is terminal. life is not over, until the last breath.  

If she is abusive, "leave" do not join in, just simply say, I love you and your are hurting me, and I am trying to change our relationship. I will not take this abusive lanuage any more. Call me please, I love, when you can talk without being abusive .  

It works, she wants you too! That you have too remember, if something does happen too her, before you can develop this situation, it is not your fault, as long as you know, in your heart you are trying. She will call again, it may take her time, she has years of bad habits, and they die slow. But , they will die and the relationship will, grow for the better.  

I lived this with my dad and mom they were married for 68 yrs they were both in their mid 80's, he was diagnosed with Colon cancer stage 4. When I came home, he was minipulative and mean, and spoke mean words, but I was all grown up now, and was not going to let him do that anymore.  

I would go up stair to my apartment, or out for a ride, and not speak. even if he need me for something, nothing got done if he was abusive. I would leave him in a safe situation and come back when he apologized.  He got the message, actually he had Colon Cancer,I gave up living cheaper, and alone to move home to care for him. Out of ten siblings, I was the only one free to do so, and I just had a double mastectomy and reconstruction just in the last four months on second surgery, I was on oral chemo, that was making me sick, but I promised never to put then in nursing homes. 

I was the one he abused for years, physically and emotionally, my older brother killed himself in his forties after years ofl abuse and failed marriages and relationships. My mom threw him out, and 5 years later the court ordered his return with many condition. He was a changed man, he did not drink, he did not beat us , or treat us like dags as he uses to say. He raised police dogs, shepards, and he would say, if you get to close they take advantage of you. I know how sick he was, just did not know what to do about it, we did not have child protective agency. With my first child, I was so afraid of being like him, I sought help. I spent two years learning parenting skills.  

My father and I our final 2 years, were the best gift God could give me and him. We both had learn to forgive, and love. He began to say,"I love you" I was uncomfortable , i had never heard that from him in forty some years". I one day, just grabbed him by the head, just when I knew he was going to loses it, and ruin the good, I kissed him on the forhead and said, I love you too dad, BIG, he cried truly. I was a nerves reck, I had never kissed my father with truly loving feeling.  

He never knew unconditional love, and someone had to teach him to trust and love.  

He said, he was sorry, what a blessing, I know how luck I was, and we loved one another for the first time, or we loved one another the right way for the first time. He told me of stories on how he was treated by his parents, his mother, my grandmother was the devil her self. That poor child , I thought when I heard he was so young, he was alone.  But in for giving each other, he worked out his heart for his parents,and though we must make changes if we know they are not right. They too were abused badly and the chain reaction continued down the line. 

Work at it, you are right, she is all you have, but you are all she has too. Be patient, I am sure it will happen. Just be loving, and unattached to her illness, more attached to her interest.  

Best wishes for a happier life with mom, and the baby.  

Extreme206 

Form what your wrote, you do not know all of her complaint are just a put on, so that judging, and it might not be acceptable to her physician.  

Please do not call your mothers doctor or make an appointment. As for any physician that would even stay in a room, where the conversation was not about that patient themselves, yes he would be in question of his character. That will distroy your relationship, who and where do you think she is going too think it came from, "you".  

Caring is about patience and not plowing in on her private information, I never did that with either of my parents. I know, for me that would leave a gaping hole in the road as far as trust. She is not incapable of telling, truth or other wise.  

You need to respect her, for her too respect you, someone has got too start.  That is really not a solution, but creating another problem. How would you feel if someone did that too you?  I read your quote, there are allot more than just mon medical issue and truth too it. . That is why, starting from scratch and building trust is always slower, but nothing done for quick gradification, last. It may make you feel better, he knows, but she will not trust you or her doctor ever.  She would be justified, when she is ready , she will ask or accept, work on what you have, and add some of those things, that may help her to stop, the all about her stuff. I found my errors, in repairing my parent relationship with me, and it takes two.  If all you truly have is one another, than the longer way is the best way.  

Best to you and mom.  

Extreme406 

It is a challenge for many to understand the nature of a chronic illness.  There are in fact true illnesses that are chronic...debilitating and nearly impossible to understand.  However, there are alot of people with chronic laziness and lack of inner-discipline that take a simple cold for all its worth.    I am not one of those people. 

I have struggled for years with a health problem that I just could not name.  I called it my mystery illness...and indeed they still call it differing names.  The truth is the illness has nearly stolen my life...if not for my tenancious drive and hope for recovery..  In my attempts at denial...I came up with all sorts of excuses as to why I felt so bad...Surely it must be something I was doing...I was not drinking enough water..I was not eating the perfect foods..I was missing some kind of special vitamin...You name it...I tried it...I sought it out..>I searched..I pushed...I worked harder..UNTIL my body just collapsed..and my interior system of PUSHING myself ran out of excuses... 

I am ill...I am working toward recovery...I could not think...or take a shower without fear of passing out..I am frustrated at all my limitations and I will strive to beat this illness with every breath I take.  

I never signed up for this...I am a type A workaholic type person..I HATE BEING ILL...But there is much to be learned even in this illness...and for me maybe a little laziness is just what I need.   

I was diaganosed with polycystic ovarian syndrome & because of it diabetic . I have changed my eating habits for almost a year now only cheating about once a month . I walk daily and 3 miles on weekends and I have not lost a pound . Does anyone have any positive results from this where doing almost a perfect diet and the proper amount of working out , you were able to loose weight I would love to hear if there is anything out there I might be missing .  

i was talking with a nutritionist with my mother in law because she has a thyroid condition and the nutritionist said that she should mix up her diet. well here I will tell you her story she did a cleanse to cleanse the toxins our of her body and she lost 15 pounds and 15 inches in a month and a half which they say is pretty good because people with a thyroid problems it is very hard to loose weight with people that don't have a thyroid problem they will loose between 5-10 pounds in 9 days if that will give you some numbers well being on the maintenance program with this product that she is using she has not been able to loose any more weight so she talked to this nutritionist and he told her make your body think that you are going back to the unhealthy eating by changing your diet for a couple of days like eat cake or junk and then go back to your healthy eating so that your metabolism will let you she some more pounds. I hope this helps you a little bit. if you have any more questions then I would be happy to answer them for you. or you can email me at darin7@telus.net I hope every thing goes well.  

Thumpalina 

HEY its rude when some 15 year old can't respectfully disagree with a poster who needs to vent because of the circumstances in her life.  

 You sound like you would benefit from talking to some one who can professionally help you. You have a whole life in front of you that you should be excited about, not thinking about being ill with Cancer. It makes me sad that no one is listening to you. I hope that things turn around for you.  Here's a hug with Best wishes. 

I've had PCOD for the past 25 years, and I have never heard of becoming diabetic from it. Please tell me more and how you were diagnosed.Maybe this is something I should look into. 

My conditions produces hair growth(moan)and deeper huskier(some say sexy)voice, weight gain and lots of work to maintain a healthy weight, fertility problems, miscarriages many DC to control excessive bleeding, lots of abdomen pain and early menopause.My age is only 43. 

As far as your not loosing weight, your working toward being healthy and the payoff may-not be on the scale, but maybe you can feel the benefits in a different way. Hang in there, and throw the scale out the window.!!