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Topic : Staying Sick or Exaggerating for the Payoff?

Number of Replies: 60
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Created on : Thursday, July 07, 2005, 09:06:53 am
Author : dataimport
It's a sad fact that some folks enjoy the attention received during a time of recuperation from illness. But perhaps it really isn't the boy who cried wolf - and it's hard to tell what's true and what isn't. Sound familiar? Share your stories here.

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March 6, 2007, 9:37 am CST

running out of time

I am a 50 yr old female with many medical problems. I have been to many, many specialist and they all seem uninterested in trying to find a solution to make me feel better.. For the past 3 years I hardley ever even get out of bed. The only reason I have to get up is to go to yet another doctor appt. I can't even walk for any distance because I'm always so dizzy that I fall when I stand up. I have done things, like driven my car in the middle of the night, fallen and busted my head open, blacked both eyes and have no memory of any of this. I have had one doc diagnosed me with Lupus, T.I.A's, which are mini strokes, brain seizures, blood disorder, my heart palpatates like its coming out of my chest. I am on so many types of meds, never sleep (without sleep aide) all i want is for someone to tell me why I feel so bad and fix the problem or let me end it.
 
March 6, 2007, 9:48 am CST

dear gina

Quote From: truetaurus74

I know how you feel, I'm suffering a mystery illness too.  The doctors think I'm just a drug seeker because they can not find out what's causing my pain.  I've been suffering severe abdominal pain without a know cause. I know it's real! But everyone else is frustrated because the doctors say I'm fine! I've been a nurse for 9 years and it breaks my heart that due to this I can no longer work. I can not even take care of myself.  I feel that I'm dying! It scares me everyday, I'm only 32 and I still have so much I want to do before I die. I have a wonderful husband, but for how long? He's getting frustrated with this whole thing, because we no longer have any kind of life.  We both miss how our lives used to be.  That's all I want it to be normal again!  I was sick for 8 months during 2003/2004 with gallbladder symptoms, throwing up daily, severe abdominal pain it was awful.  Now two years later after I fell down my stairs I'm experiencing the same symptoms only now there worse.  I have all these mystery knots all over my ribs, and a few on my neck. They are very painful and prevent me from doing anything. When I try to shower or fix myself up I get this extremely sharp stabbing pain that goes through my ribs through to my back. I'm crying by the time I'm finished. I've always kept myself looking good, I feel it's important to keep your self up. It kills me that I always look so bad and I'm fearful that  my husband will find someone else because I feel he will eventually find me repulsive! He's very attractive and girls throw themselves at him. He says he love me and don't want anyone else but it's always in the back of my mind. I'm always sick, in severe pain and we used to have a wonderful life! Very active, on the go doing something.  Plus, i have a step son in Michigan, who we haven't seen since Aug. because without my income we can barely afford to live.  We miss him so much.  Plus, with the holidays more stress, my mother-in-law passed away on Christmas Day last year and my brother over dosed on New Years Eve 2003. The more stress I have the sicker I get!  The doctors have me believing I'm just crazy!  I know what pain is and I'm the one suffering. But how do you explain the painful knots? I don't want to be the poor victim! I want my life back or I just want to die! I have lost everything I own due to this, because I lost my job.  I make the majority of the money and I take care of my mother.  Now we all are suffering, all out bills are over due, both my cars are broke down. I guess when it rains it poors! This just makes me feel worse, because I feel like it's all my fault because I'm not able to work. I wish I could find a good doctor who would listen to me and help me figure out what's wrong before it's too late.  All I want to Christmas is to have my old life back!  If anyone out there has had the same problem and has gotten a diagnosis could you please, please help me????? Sincerely, Gina

I too know exactly how your feel. I have been to so many doc over the past three years and they all look at me like i am crazy, as a matter of fact they have even convinced me that i need to seek mental help which i have. I too have pain and for another person too try and convince you that your not really feeling what you are is incredible. i'm beginning to notice that my family is also starting to make little comments about all my pain and sickness being in my head. i have felt so bad for so long that just taking one day at a time is getting to be more than I want to do. If i can't find help to make me function as a normal person that I had just as soon end it now and let everyone go on normally with their lives.

 
April 22, 2007, 10:33 am CDT

Staying Sick or Exaggerating for the Payoff?

Quote From: abetterplace

I am a 50 yr old female with many medical problems. I have been to many, many specialist and they all seem uninterested in trying to find a solution to make me feel better.. For the past 3 years I hardley ever even get out of bed. The only reason I have to get up is to go to yet another doctor appt. I can't even walk for any distance because I'm always so dizzy that I fall when I stand up. I have done things, like driven my car in the middle of the night, fallen and busted my head open, blacked both eyes and have no memory of any of this. I have had one doc diagnosed me with Lupus, T.I.A's, which are mini strokes, brain seizures, blood disorder, my heart palpatates like its coming out of my chest. I am on so many types of meds, never sleep (without sleep aide) all i want is for someone to tell me why I feel so bad and fix the problem or let me end it.
have you checked out the side effects of your meds? some when mixed with others can lower blood pressure and cause dizzness and even faiting, have you had a work up on your heart? sometimes that can cause problems....hope you find an answer...  
 
June 20, 2007, 9:14 am CDT

DEPRESSION CAN CAUSE DIZZYNESS

Quote From: prozac

have you checked out the side effects of your meds? some when mixed with others can lower blood pressure and cause dizzness and even faiting, have you had a work up on your heart? sometimes that can cause problems....hope you find an answer...  

Hi I too have many medical problems, MS, Fibromyalgia, Peripheal Neuropathy, those are my 3 biggies....they are real, they are painful...at one point I was getting dizzy all the time, tihs was a new one for me, stress and depression can cause dizzyness, so it is important to relieve areas in your life that cause you stress...it must be done....I understand you saying all you do is get up to go to yet another doctor's appt...sounds like what I do...my weeks are planned around my doctors who actually do nothing for me haha....geez...girl, we have to stand strong and get up outta that bed each day, do what is normal as much as possible daily....desease has it's way of robbing you in many ways...depression naturally goes along with all the changes we must face dealing with our diagnosis...we can not allow the very same desease to rob our mind too...it will if we will allow it to...

 

I sit on my computer all day to distract myself from what my body is feeling...pain medicine doesn't touch my pain...so, somehow, you must make a decision that you will not allow your health problems to be WHO YOU ARE......also, make sure all of your doctor's know what the others are prescribing, it is important to take medicines that work together and not against each other...medicine must be monitored very carefully

 

My grandmother had lupus, she was actually in the first group diagnoses in the 80's...so I know about this horrible deases as well.....TIA's, mini strokes, I also know what they are, as I've been told I may have experienced them as well.....I don't think so but make your doctor do an MRI of the brain and find out, I get my result tomorrow morning....

 

It's important that you get up outta that bed daily....depression will keep you in it...don't let REAL DEPRESSION set in....the key to is find out exactly what you have and get each problem treated appropriately....though there are no cures for some things, there are medicines that help us along while we are going through the junk...don't let your junk rule you, you rule it....

 

I know how you feel when it comes to ending it, I've had days I've wanted God to take me on home...I don't really want to go yet, but some days, yes...I hate being a burden on my husband and my family and friends.....hate it....not used to it, we must be determined to win the battle, so head up and put your boxing gloves on girl...time to make a change, now....

 
June 20, 2007, 9:27 am CDT

LOVE THE ATTENTION?

Though I do believe some folks enjoy the attention that comes with having a medical problem..I think most of us would rather not have the medical problem that brings atttention....I know I'd rather not have MS, Fibromyalgia and Peripheal Neuropathy and the kind of attention that I get...doctors, pharmacies etc....that's about all the attention I get...I'd rather not have to see everyone re-schedule their life so they can take me to doctors a few times each week...

 

I realize there really is folks whose payoff is attention, but I bet it's because they never received any before they were ill....various reasons of course...I just can't imagine anyone really enjoying being ill all due to attention they receive...

 

If they are like alot of us who have long term and very disabling illnesses, they will grow to hate the desease and the attention it brings...I know I do...geez...

 

Probably it's elderly folks who would enjoy the attention most as it's the only way they can get their family members to come and visit them...?

 

I've actually seen some glorify their illnesses in many ways....I think it's counter productive myself but it's their life, so lol...

 

I believe it's great to have a place to talk about your illness, but I also believe it's good not to talk about it too much...it's like hello, my name is and I have such and such desease....the desease becomes who you are...it shouldn't be like that....it should not be what we mention most in our daily discussions either, giving it too much attention I think makes it worse....just my thoughts on this issue.....

 

 

 

 

 
July 20, 2007, 9:39 pm CDT

Great Question!!!! Food 4 Thought

Hello, great question.  I think I got into that pattern of getting attention through being sick as a kid.  Even to the extent of a lisp.  My Mom took me to the MD & he said her could cut the membrane under my tounge so it wouldn't keep getting stuck between my teeth.  LOL!!!  I said no thanks. And my tounge still gets caught in my teeth, but I can deal with it.  It was kind of a double edged sword.  I was raised in the military.  That meant that most of the time we were expected to "Suck it up".  My Dad did not allow criers.  We had to be good soldiers.

 

Interestingly enough I had a co-worker who told me I hurt myself to get attention.  I took a look at it and realised, no, I'm just clumsy. Put I did start being careful who I expressed my feelings with.

 

As a kid I eventually found a way to get attention.  Not from my family, but from others, I played guitar, violin, piano, and love it.  I've been performing ever since.  (while still working a day job)  And had a blast untill recently.

 

 I recently became very ill.  I don't think a lot of people took me serious because I kept my mouth shut about the way I was feeling.  I just keep believing  the shaming feedback from others who said I was just being lazy and kept working.   It kind of ended up biting me in the buns.  Over the last 5 years I've felt  really cruddy.  Couldnt understand why I was in so much pain,  couldnt walk 20ft  with out feeling like I was going to drop, but just kept on like a good soldier.

 

After an open lung biopsy last year I found out I had chronic pneumonia and was in resperitory failure.   Now I trust my intuition.  When I don't feel good I get it checked out.  Cut my self loose from the negativity, was immediately put on SSDI (asbestosis) and for the first time in my life have been able to make my health a priority.... not trying to live up to everyone elses expectations.       

 

I'm on oxygen now, so the singing is out.  But, I found a way to feel good about myself with my webpage building and artwork.  Like I said great question.  One I processed a while back and decided I like music better.  LOL!

 

  

 

 

 
August 12, 2007, 12:13 pm CDT

abetterplace

Quote From: prozac

have you checked out the side effects of your meds? some when mixed with others can lower blood pressure and cause dizzness and even faiting, have you had a work up on your heart? sometimes that can cause problems....hope you find an answer...  

Hello, I've had the dizziness...I know what you are talking about.  I've been so dizzy, weeks at a time with vomiting every time I opened my eyes.  Until there was nothing to vomit.  Doctors have told me there was nothing they could do.  One told me it was Mieres disease and gave me medicine that stayed in my body for a year, but it didn't help anything.  It caused me to start diarrhea and I've stayed close to the potty for over two years.  All test has been run for this too. 

But for the dizziness a strange thing...I started using Flonase only at night before I went to bed.

It stopped the dizziness.

Given to me for my alergy problems. I ran out of Flonase and didn't get it refilled. I really didn't want the stroids.   I just boiled water and put it in my Astelin bottle and sprayed my nose each night before bed.  I've not been dizzy again.

You my want to try it and see if it will work for you.

 

As for as the diarrhea I have no idea how to stop it.  I've been to doctors and test run and nothing has stopped it.  The only thing I have found that I can eat is peanutbutter and jelly.  And drink only water.  One doctor gave me nerve pills and antidepressant.  What a joke.  All I did was sleep.  But I took them for almost a year and didn't anything change.

I've started treating myself with natural food and medicines.  After reseaching everything.

 
September 1, 2007, 4:29 pm CDT

Feeling Greatful for dx in time!

  I went to my gyn doc back in December 06 for my annual checkup, and I mentioned to him some symptoms I had been having over past several weeks--lower abdom. pain, lower back pain, bloating in abdom. area,  frequent gas passing, and bladder leakage constant....all the classic symtoms of ovarian cancer. 

  That has been my greatest fear as a woman.....ovarian cancer. Simply because there is no good, reliable screening test for it, and most often by the time a woman has symptoms it is so far progressed that the prognosis for survival is not good.

  well, that first visit, he sort of blew it off and told me it was probably nothing to worry about. I left out, and I got that gut feeling that something was not right with my body, so  a few days later and called to make an appt to get checked.   That first visit, they did an intravaginal ultrasound, and it showed  a good size mass on my right ovary. At that, they drew blood for a CA125 test for OC. Luckily, it came back negative, but he had me come back in 6 weeks for another check. If it had been a cyst, it should have been same or smaller size, but instead it was bigger.  Another CA125, which also was negative.  and a return appt in 8 weeks. at that one, the mass was again much larger than before.  My doctor told me that while it probably was not ovarian cancer, it most likely  was a tumor that needed to come out.  He told me to come back in a week, and decide what type of surgery to have. I went back and told him that I wanted everything out that could possible give me problems later.  so, he scheuled me about 3 weeks away for surgery.  I think that is the hardest part of it all, waiting between these appts!

  I have my surgery on July 24, and when I went back for my 2 week checkup he had some grim, but actually good news.  He said that the preliminary lab tests showed that not one, but both ovaries had already began mutational change to precancer cells....because of that finding, both ovaries were sent to a special lab in PA.  It showed that they both were precancerous cells.  He said that he recommended that I go thru chemo therapy, because there is a big chance that some of the precancer cells might have been left behind, and they would continue to change until they became cancerous.   so, he made me an appt with the oncologist another 2 weeks away.  it will be 2 months from surgery to oncologist appt, and wondering what may be happening to my body in those two months?  How fast does these type cells grow and change? 

 Well, the oncology appt is Sept 12, and I will try to get back to the board and let ya all know what I fing out. 

 
October 16, 2007, 5:18 pm CDT

where is my payoff

 I would like to know where to pick up my check.  I have lost many special days with my boys because of this never ending crap.  No amount of money or attention can replace a missed football game or wrestling meet.  Who the hell thought of this topic??  Come on over and talk to my boys about the payoff in having a disabled mother.
 
December 16, 2007, 6:26 pm CST

I call them pity partiers...

Pity parties...And my mother-in-law has them all the time.  She is bipolar and has problems with depression and anxiety, but because of those mental problems she finds that being sick, whether it be a cold or a sinus infection or a backache or a headache... or today's flavor du jour - itching all over...being 'sick' gets attention and sympathy and she thrives on it.  Many times she calls just to go on and on and on about all her different aches or pains or medicines she has to take.  This is what Dr. Phil means by 'sick or exaggerating for payoff'.  I really believe that many times MIL is exaggerating for the payoff of getting attention, cards, calls, or someone offering to help her.  And she really seems to exaggerate more when someone else gets sick and 'steals the show'.

This is how extreme she is.  For instance, she has been 'sick' for over a month.  Interestingly enough ever since her daughter had a baby and was in the hospital a few days.  My guess is that MIL was actually jealous of her daughter because she was flooded with attention from not only family/friends, but also the dr.'s and nurses.  Honestly all she had was a cold...but she 'says' she kept a sore throat for 3 weeks and even went to the doctor for ANTIBIOTICS for a COLD!!  What?  Antibiotics won't help a cold for crying out loud, but Drs don't care and just love handing out prescriptions and they all probably know her down at the clinic that anytime she needs attention she's going to come in whining about something so she gets a prescription for something.  So then it turned into a fever that she couldn't get rid of.  Some mysterious fever - and when I told her just take Tylenol instead of going to the doctor's office where you'll catch something else she said "Oh I haven't thought of Tylenol - the doctor didn't suggest taking that, I'll ask him when I go"....what?????  So now the doctor's can't pinpoint anything that is wrong with her, but since she has a 'fever' they just keep giving her different antibiotics (which will further weaken her immune system by the way).  So for the past month or more she has missed church...she has been visiting where my husband and I are members.  And she calls her 'neighbor' who is also a member there and requests she gets announced to be on the prayer list and a special prayer for her.  So we are slightly off-guard when asked by other members "What's wrong with your mother/MIL?"....uh, she just has a cold????  People don't typically call the church, espeically when they aren't an official member there yet, and ask to be prayed for because they have a cold or sinus infection.  It's a little odd IMHO.  I feel bad being a Christian and feeling this way about my MIL...but for the 10 yrs I've known my husband we've gone through little things like this and more.  If it were just the one thing, one time, so what...but it's a constant "I'm sick, take care of me, call me, check on me, pray for me because I have a headache...etc, etc."  I just don't know when it's real or when she's 'crying wolf' just for the payoff of the sympathy and attention.  She can also have a sore back or a sore ankle or some other ailing body part and not be able to walk around without a limp, but the next day she can practically run across the room when 'oops, she forgot she had a backache' or whatever.  I know all of this has to do with her mental illness, but sometimes it's exhausting and embarrassing.

 
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