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Topic : When a Family Member Gets Sick

Number of Replies: 305
New Messages This Week: 0
Last Reply On:
Created on : Thursday, July 07, 2005, 09:07:23 am
Author : dataimport

Nothing makes one feel more helpless than watching a child, spouse, or parent suffering. We understand. How do you cope with illness in your family?


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January 19, 2008, 12:37 pm CST

My Dear Mother

My mother, who adopted me at 3 weeks old when she was 60, suffered a heart attack 2 days after she turned 88, but she didn't know that she'd had a heart attack until 2 days later when she was rushed to the hospital early that morning complaining of shortness of breath. So I rushed to the hospital, where we found out she'd had a mild heart attack and that a lot of fluid had rushed into her lungs, which would explain the trouble breathing.

So I spent 95% of every waking moment with her at the hospital, til she was moved to a hospice. Now she's back home in a hospital bed, still hooked up to an oxygen tank.

I admit, I haven't been the same since she's been in the hospital. I've had to come to grips with my mother's mortality. I now know that she's going to die someday...and it scares me to death. Mom and I are very close, and to see her going through this has made me sick to my stomach at times. I'm very scared to see how I'll be when she does pass on. I'm not ready to let her go yet.

Any advice on how to deal with these feelings?

Denise
 
January 19, 2008, 8:16 pm CST

When a Family Member Gets Sick

Quote From: fabulousbeauty

My mother, who adopted me at 3 weeks old when she was 60, suffered a heart attack 2 days after she turned 88, but she didn't know that she'd had a heart attack until 2 days later when she was rushed to the hospital early that morning complaining of shortness of breath. So I rushed to the hospital, where we found out she'd had a mild heart attack and that a lot of fluid had rushed into her lungs, which would explain the trouble breathing.

So I spent 95% of every waking moment with her at the hospital, til she was moved to a hospice. Now she's back home in a hospital bed, still hooked up to an oxygen tank.

I admit, I haven't been the same since she's been in the hospital. I've had to come to grips with my mother's mortality. I now know that she's going to die someday...and it scares me to death. Mom and I are very close, and to see her going through this has made me sick to my stomach at times. I'm very scared to see how I'll be when she does pass on. I'm not ready to let her go yet.

Any advice on how to deal with these feelings?

Denise

Lost my mother very quickly.  Dr. told her she had 2 months to live.  Asked her what she wante to do and she said she had done it all.  She was never really happy, never travelled far, never had true happiness in her life but said she was happy.  Weel she has it now.  The ultimate happiness .  I hope for the ultimate happiness for your mother and her happiness too.  Being with the lord is the ultimate happiness being home where we came from.  I believe my mother was happy in some aspects but not all.  She did what she had to do to make everyone else happy.  She died 30 days to the day she was diagnosed.  We were lucky she and we did not have to suffer long.  She was ready to go.  My mom was so close to me and we talked every day.  I miss her so much.  A major piece is missing from our lives but we remember the good times, the sad times too because that was our life with her.  So don't let go.  Pray!  Talk to her even if you think she's not there - SHE IS! Lintening to every  word.  She is with you no matter what.  In all the ways you don't see or acknowlege righr now you will see someday and realise she was and is with you all the way!

I have questioned this many times but then look back and remember all the little things you can't explain then know she was there.  The door bell ringing and noone there.  The candle that goes out when the wick is still strong and fragerant on I did'nt blow it our.  The smell of her in the room.  The butterflies that land very close to you.  I believe in the everlife.  They are so happy, free of pain and so at peace.  I wathed my mother die in the hospital and it was the most comforting and hardest thing I ever had to do but she was at pease and had nothing in this cruel world to worry about ever again.  So please be at pease with her passing and tell her to go to the light and the freedom from this world.  She deserves it.  She lead a long life.  Knowing life and living it now and hearing how my parents and grandparents lived their lives, the struggle the let downs the triumphs it's her time to shine in heaven.  No more suffering just pure bliss.  Don't feel guilty about wanting her to go to the heavens.. That is paradise.  I look forward to that when my time comes.  She will be with you and watch over you no matter what.   She is watching over you now as is everyone who loved you who is on the other side waiting for you.  They are there as are your angels.  I  am waiting to see or feel my angels but haven't yet but I know my mother, father and grandmother, grandfather, the man i loved with all of my heart and all of my friend that have passed are there waiting for me to join them when my time is due.  So please believe what i say to you because it is from the heart.  We are never ready to let go but when you are there and see the peace on their face after they see the light it is the best feeling ever.. To know they saw the light and the peace that comes over them and to feel the spirit has been lifted to heaven!  Just where you want them to be and the place you know you will meet again.

 

Good Luck and I hope this helps you!

 

God Bless

BB

 
January 24, 2008, 7:21 pm CST

UNcharitable charities..

investigate before you donate.. before funding ANY charity. please visit. siav.org mrmcmed.org (learn how charities misspend research dollars) and pcrm.org, read what the march of dimes spends (30 million a year) your money on.
 
January 29, 2008, 6:25 pm CST

A Thank You To Caregivers

Thank you for being my strength when I needed you.

Thank you for asking me what I need.

Thank you for recognising that sometimes I don't know what I need.

Thank you for not getting angry at my confusion

 

Sometimes we loose sight of our blessings....of you.

 

You are there for us in so many ways.  Some times we feel guilty and out of control and take it out on you.

We are so very sorry for thise times.

 

Thank you for being so loving and selfless enough to make our illness about us when we need you to.

Thank you for reminding us to slow down.

 

 

We ask you though, 

 

Please take care of yor self!  Set bounderies and nurture yourselves.  You desirve it.

You are doing "Angel Work" and we want you to be able to partake in the abundance, love, and support you so selflnessly give to us.

 

Please do not be afraid of telling us what YOU need.  when YOU need a break, some space.

 

And PLEASE do't try to take care of us all on your own.  Get support.  Go to the movies, go out with friends, laugh, eat, sleep, dance and get as much, if not more than you give.

 

Please make use of the on-line support services for care givers.  You don't have to do this alone.

 

 

Some of the ways you can take care of yourself is to;

*avoid isolation - talk to other caregivers.

According to Care Giver USA, Org and Dot Com,  Many caregivers become isolated when the patient requires a great deal of care.   Isolation causes stress and can produce mental and physical health problems.  Asking for help is not a sign of weakness, it's smart caregicving.

 

How do you involve family and friends? Call a meeting.  Share information, feelings and brainstorm problems .    Your job personnel dept, HMO,  Medical Center or Senior Center may have professionals who can assist  you with this.

 

Your health as a caregiver depends on your ability to get help with the burden of caregiving.  A common reason for nursing home placement is caregiver illness.  Some of the common health problems of caregivers are;

 

Hypertension

Substance abuse

Insomnia

Exacerbation of preexisting illnesses

 

So please, all of you wonderful, loving, nurturing caregivers, take care of your selves and know that we are so thankful to you.  You are amazing people and I personaly hope and wish your love and support is returned to you 100 fold.

 

 

 

 
January 29, 2008, 6:46 pm CST

re; watching family members suffer

Quote From: loosinggrip

I have so much to talk about,but I really don"t know where to start. I have tried to over come numerous obsticals in my life. I was abused in every way possible growing up. Although my father abused us at an early age,I have memories at 5 yrs of age. I lived through a terrible car accident in 1985,but lost a sister in that same accident,at the age of 21. 2005 was our year to remember! I lost my father and had the expence of barring him. I was in the process of moving my step mother in our house,out of obligation to my father. My granny was diagnosed with breast cancer at the age of 84. My bare (husband )that I can't imagine a day without,at the age of 43 was diagnosed with throat cancer(in stage 4)druing his treatment I truely thought I was going to loose him.While he was enduring this treatment,I came from a 24 hr. stay at the hospitol and my step mother had taken the food from the cabinets and moved out. I also received the news that my mother had skin cancer,they all made it past the beast.My granny is now fighting parkinson's,at the age of 87,It's progrssively gotten worse over the past 6 month's. I was trying to work my way up the corp. latter at my job to take the financial burden of my bare ,because of the treatment he had endured affects him every day in alot of way's.This move back fired!!! My back went out on me. I am in pain daily,dealing with pain managment.I'm now helping my mother with my granny. I go over every other night to stay with her ,so mom can get some sleep ,granny is up all night long. I am up 5am with my bare,I do the daily responsibilities. I go to moms 8pm-10am,sometimes12pm. I can't go to sleep until that night,it's about 36 hrs without sleep.We have now found out that granny has spots on her lung. I have to watch one of my gift's from God die a beastly death.I have recently found out that I have a persistantly progressive cyst on my overies that is causing me lots of health aches and not so good symptoms.I am there emotoinally for my mom and granny,my love runs so deep for these three and all thier lives are threatened .Thanks for listeing!!!!!!!!!!!
I am so sorry to read of all your loss and the illnesses your family members are facing.  My heart goes out to you.  Please take care of yourself and knw that your loving concern is more powerful than most western medicine.  What ever happens you are letting your family members know that you love them.  And that is more than some people hear their whole lifetime.  Take care.  MM
 
January 31, 2008, 6:45 am CST

The Unexpected Angels are STRENGTH!!!!!!!!

Quote From: makezmuzic

I am so sorry to read of all your loss and the illnesses your family members are facing.  My heart goes out to you.  Please take care of yourself and knw that your loving concern is more powerful than most western medicine.  What ever happens you are letting your family members know that you love them.  And that is more than some people hear their whole lifetime.  Take care.  MM

It is wonderful that there are angel's like you whom  will take the time to let other people know that they do care. some times all you need is to know you are doing the right things. I have been a very bitter person lately. Watching my granny has been hard I will tell you why! I am my Granny's name sake! We have alway's been close,and it has alway's caused problems with even my mother at times.I am the only one whom has ever been able to do anything with her, she has all trust in me. She has alway's been my strength in life! When I was nothing but a disapiontment to mother,I was the sunshine to my granny.She was alway's there to pick me up when I was down.I see the fear in my granny's eye's everytime I see her.It hurt's so badly to see my granny is inside her own body screaming wanting to get out and can't.She has alway's been an active person helping all of her friends and family,she  would give the shirt off her back.It makes no sence to have to give life everything that she has and have to die in the way she is leaving us! Thanks it really ment alot to get a reply!!!!!!!!!! SG

 
February 4, 2008, 4:46 am CST

I am lost in life!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am frustrated every day! My husband has to go out to work every day,wether he is in pain or not.I feel lost because I love him with every ounce of my being.I can't  work,from what the Dr's say I can't exercise,because if I move the wrong way I could be paralized for life.I have started having migrain headaches.It is coming from the stanosis in my spine..So I am on another pain pill added to the rest of my pills.I am waiting to hear from the gyn to find out what they are going to do with this, I just want to be able to be active again.I have alot of responsibilities to take care of,I want to be able to be dependable to my loved ones again.They are my world. SG
 
February 11, 2008, 12:29 pm CST

When a Family Member Gets Sick

Hi im a 20 year old mom of 2. My daughter was 3 years old when she was diagnosed with ewings sarcoma ( cancer) last year. She has been through so many operations  and  procedures that i have lost count. She has just recently learned to walk again.Now almost one year later i am glad to say that she is in remission. She is doing great, but my fear of the cancer growing back is killing me. Im always nervous that imma get bad news. How do i help to get over this fear? If anyone has any suggestions i will be happy to try them.
 
February 15, 2008, 11:03 am CST

Thank you

Quote From: makezmuzic

Thank you for being my strength when I needed you.

Thank you for asking me what I need.

Thank you for recognising that sometimes I don't know what I need.

Thank you for not getting angry at my confusion

 

Sometimes we loose sight of our blessings....of you.

 

You are there for us in so many ways.  Some times we feel guilty and out of control and take it out on you.

We are so very sorry for thise times.

 

Thank you for being so loving and selfless enough to make our illness about us when we need you to.

Thank you for reminding us to slow down.

 

 

We ask you though, 

 

Please take care of yor self!  Set bounderies and nurture yourselves.  You desirve it.

You are doing "Angel Work" and we want you to be able to partake in the abundance, love, and support you so selflnessly give to us.

 

Please do not be afraid of telling us what YOU need.  when YOU need a break, some space.

 

And PLEASE do't try to take care of us all on your own.  Get support.  Go to the movies, go out with friends, laugh, eat, sleep, dance and get as much, if not more than you give.

 

Please make use of the on-line support services for care givers.  You don't have to do this alone.

 

 

Some of the ways you can take care of yourself is to;

*avoid isolation - talk to other caregivers.

According to Care Giver USA, Org and Dot Com,  Many caregivers become isolated when the patient requires a great deal of care.   Isolation causes stress and can produce mental and physical health problems.  Asking for help is not a sign of weakness, it's smart caregicving.

 

How do you involve family and friends? Call a meeting.  Share information, feelings and brainstorm problems .    Your job personnel dept, HMO,  Medical Center or Senior Center may have professionals who can assist  you with this.

 

Your health as a caregiver depends on your ability to get help with the burden of caregiving.  A common reason for nursing home placement is caregiver illness.  Some of the common health problems of caregivers are;

 

Hypertension

Substance abuse

Insomnia

Exacerbation of preexisting illnesses

 

So please, all of you wonderful, loving, nurturing caregivers, take care of your selves and know that we are so thankful to you.  You are amazing people and I personaly hope and wish your love and support is returned to you 100 fold.

 

 

 

I read this and was very touched. My husband is fighting cancer and I am his caregiver. I know that he is in a tremendous amount of pain all the time and he is confused and disoriented most of the time due to medications and chemo. I know that he still loves me and I know that he appreciates all that I do even though he cannot express it right now. I miss him so much and I am very lonely most of the time. It is nice to have those few fleeting moments of the "normal person" when I can get them and I cherish them and hold them close.
 
February 19, 2008, 1:27 pm CST

Illness that is unexplained

I am a full-time employee in a secondary school building in the state of Texas.  The woman who cleans my room every single day and I have developed the coolest friendship over the last 7 years.  Her boyfriend developed "lateral pneumonia" about 5 weeks ago and had to be taken to a local hospital.  We have two VERY GOOD hospitals here.

 

He was placed in ICU that very night and REMAINS there 5 weeks later.  He was sedated when he was admitted and placed in a medcally induced coma to get him medicated quickly and efiiciently.  My friend told me today that the doctors want to move him out of ICU ito a regular room.  They have removed his oral breathing tube and he has a tracheotomy tube.  The doctors truly have no idea what is wrong with him.

 

She is frightened.  I would be mortified if my husband were in this situation.  I was wondering if there is anyone who has ever heard of such an incident and if anyone knows of any help for my friend.  She is not a wealthy woman and neither is her boyfriend.  I don't think wealth should keep them from getting the care that he needs.  I also know that their ability to pay is limited and I understand that healthcare costs money.

 

cj

 

 

 
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