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Topic : When a Family Member Gets Sick

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Created on : Thursday, July 07, 2005, 09:07:23 am
Author : dataimport
Nothing makes one feel more helpless than watching a child, spouse, or parent suffering. We understand. How do you cope with illness in your family?

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cjbradley
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February 19, 2008, 1:27 pm PST

Illness that is unexplained

I am a full-time employee in a secondary school building in the state of Texas.  The woman who cleans my room every single day and I have developed the coolest friendship over the last 7 years.  Her boyfriend developed "lateral pneumonia" about 5 weeks ago and had to be taken to a local hospital.  We have two VERY GOOD hospitals here.

 

He was placed in ICU that very night and REMAINS there 5 weeks later.  He was sedated when he was admitted and placed in a medcally induced coma to get him medicated quickly and efiiciently.  My friend told me today that the doctors want to move him out of ICU ito a regular room.  They have removed his oral breathing tube and he has a tracheotomy tube.  The doctors truly have no idea what is wrong with him.

 

She is frightened.  I would be mortified if my husband were in this situation.  I was wondering if there is anyone who has ever heard of such an incident and if anyone knows of any help for my friend.  She is not a wealthy woman and neither is her boyfriend.  I don't think wealth should keep them from getting the care that he needs.  I also know that their ability to pay is limited and I understand that healthcare costs money.

 

cj

 

 
 
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loosinggrip
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February 20, 2008, 8:43 am PST

Love your child with all you have!!!!!!!!!!!!

Quote From: albonita218

Hi im a 20 year old mom of 2. My daughter was 3 years old when she was diagnosed with ewings sarcoma ( cancer) last year. She has been through so many operations  and  procedures that i have lost count. She has just recently learned to walk again.Now almost one year later i am glad to say that she is in remission. She is doing great, but my fear of the cancer growing back is killing me. Im always nervous that imma get bad news. How do i help to get over this fear? If anyone has any suggestions i will be happy to try them.

It had to be hard #1 to get the news of your child having this monster invade her.Cancer it is a horrible thing to see happen to anyone ,esspecially close to your heart.I couldn't imagine the heartbreak of a mother to have to see the pain and discompfort of her chiid to go through this.I had to watch a few family members go through different heads of this monster.We have lost some,bless them!We have some Thank God,that are still with us also in remission.One is my husband,I worry everyday myself,I was letting it take over my life,not enjoying the time I do have.I try to look at every day as a gift with my husband.If you think about it in a way to push away the fear of your loved ones life being threatened, because it is something you have little control over. I look at every day we all take chances when we wake up and go out of our house.My husband has beat fait more than once just driving at his work every day,since the cancer.He was 43 when he was diagnosed with sqeumacell carsenoma.It is a very agressive throat cancer.It almost took him from me,It  has been three years.He has told me without me there with him,he wouldn't have beat it! I say I did nothing ,He said you loved me ,talked me through the bad times.Your love and support gave hope!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I hope I have Helped to take some worry off you.In reallity the threat will alway's be there you have to find a way to get around it running your life,instead of enjoying it! Please take care of you,so that you can be strong for her,she will give you strength.SG

 

 
 
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leekitten
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February 26, 2008, 8:24 am PST

My mother is addicted to narcotics.

My name is Holly, and I'm 19 years old. I'm in the process of moving out of my parents home with my boyfriend, but I am concerned about the state of the relationship between my stepfather and my mother because of her intense narcotic addiction.

My mother has suffered from chronic and severe migraine headaches since as long as I can remember. I get them too, though not as frequently as her. Over the years, she has developed a high level of tolerance towards the pain medications given, and as of this moment admits herself to local hospitals anywhere from two to five times a week for shots of morphine and other such strong addictive medications. My stepfather drives her, and will frequently spend an entire night at the ER, then go to work the next day. He works seven days a week to afford her medical insurance, and our utility bills and mortgage, and innately knows the location of almost every hospital withing an hour and a half driving radius of our home. For whatever reason, this doesn't strike him as unusual, even though he doesn't purchase medications for his diabetes to afford her medications.

Hospitals frequently turn her away from the emergency rooms because they are frankly tired of seeing her because there is no obvious source of her pain, so they often have to visit more than one hospital in a night. She has also been through more than two dozen doctors since we moved to our home seven years ago. When she finally gets the dose of narcotics she wants, she comes home and wanders in a stupor for the next twelve to twenty hours, on average. My breaking point for coming to the boards to share this information is that she almost burnt the house down this morning making french toast. If I had not been home at the time the house might have been damaged or destroyed.

There is strong doubt in my mind that her want for these powerful medicines is pain driven, because it's not uncommon to see her playing video games or enjoying a movie before asking to be taken to the hospital. As her daughter, there isn't a lot I can do for her other than look for information to try and fix the way she's destroyed our family. Is there any way I can help them both?
 
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giggles_nikki
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March 4, 2008, 11:53 am PST

My hero

Quote From: myrna47

  even though your dad is in the nursing home.  he knows that you are there, and holds the time together you have special to him. my dad died several years ago from a farming accident at the age of 79 years old.  during the time before his untimely death my husband, his kids, our son, and i lived 1,600 miles away.  it was not that i didn't have the funds to visit my dad and mom.  but my husband he forbid me to see my dad.  when my dad died it was quite a shock.  and of course my husband made it looked like he was really concerned all that time! my husband has also passed on six years ago to cancer. there is always something special about a father's love for their daughter and daughters.  i would give anything to see my dad again and tell him, how much i loved him.   bring him the sweets that he always enjoyed, laugh about silly things that the family pets did.  in my case there is no age limit in the parent's children, the loss of a parent hurts.  so please take this time and treasure every minute with your dad.  at least you have a very understanding husband.  may god bless you and your family

 

 As i read your story  tears swelled up in my eyes. Our stories are somewhat very similar. This is my story.

 

I watched my mother for years take care of my grandfather ( her dad) who suffered from severe dementia. She would visit him up to 2-3x a week and tried to nurse him back to health. She gave him everything a person could and more. I often asked myself  ..would i sacrafice the same for one of my parents ? I didnt know my answer would come so very soon ( a few months after my grandfathers death ) my mother was diagnoised with advanced breast cancer. She needed to have a mastectomy and start chemo. Months passed Christmas came and went and she was comming u to her last round of chemotherpy. One day i returned home to find my mom not feeling herself and she had a tempature , we took her into the hospital for some tests. Over the next few weeks i watched a heartwreching trasformation : my mother had suffered several strokes. She was now paralyzed on the righ side of her body, she could no longer do daily tasks suck as feed herself or brush her teeth. I put my life on hold and became my moms caregiver. It broke my heart to watch my mom who was weeks ago dancing threw the streets and singing now laying motionless in a hosptial bed. I would read my mom the news paper and books. I would wash her hair and paint her nails..I wanted her to be happy.  My mother had swolling complications so she lost a extreme amount of weight..everyday i would bring her vitamin drinks and beg her to drink them. Over the months me and my mom had a new found bound we where never very close we always had a love hate relationship , and now she has become my dearest and most sacred friend.

 

 I could finally answer that question that ran threw my head so many times. I would do anything in the world for my mother..as she did for me for so many years. I dont think of  it as paying it foward , more like its the righ thing to do. Even though im still young and have my future ahead of me i put weekends aside for my special mother. When she see's me comming threw those nursing room doors to come bring her home i see the smile ive waitted for all week waitting for me on the other side of the door. I know in my heart my mother is truely happy.

 
 
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us_mil_wife
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March 6, 2008, 10:38 am PST

It is an honor

Quote From: giggles_nikki

 

 As i read your story  tears swelled up in my eyes. Our stories are somewhat very similar. This is my story.

 

I watched my mother for years take care of my grandfather ( her dad) who suffered from severe dementia. She would visit him up to 2-3x a week and tried to nurse him back to health. She gave him everything a person could and more. I often asked myself  ..would i sacrafice the same for one of my parents ? I didnt know my answer would come so very soon ( a few months after my grandfathers death ) my mother was diagnoised with advanced breast cancer. She needed to have a mastectomy and start chemo. Months passed Christmas came and went and she was comming u to her last round of chemotherpy. One day i returned home to find my mom not feeling herself and she had a tempature , we took her into the hospital for some tests. Over the next few weeks i watched a heartwreching trasformation : my mother had suffered several strokes. She was now paralyzed on the righ side of her body, she could no longer do daily tasks suck as feed herself or brush her teeth. I put my life on hold and became my moms caregiver. It broke my heart to watch my mom who was weeks ago dancing threw the streets and singing now laying motionless in a hosptial bed. I would read my mom the news paper and books. I would wash her hair and paint her nails..I wanted her to be happy.  My mother had swolling complications so she lost a extreme amount of weight..everyday i would bring her vitamin drinks and beg her to drink them. Over the months me and my mom had a new found bound we where never very close we always had a love hate relationship , and now she has become my dearest and most sacred friend.

 

 I could finally answer that question that ran threw my head so many times. I would do anything in the world for my mother..as she did for me for so many years. I dont think of  it as paying it foward , more like its the righ thing to do. Even though im still young and have my future ahead of me i put weekends aside for my special mother. When she see's me comming threw those nursing room doors to come bring her home i see the smile ive waitted for all week waitting for me on the other side of the door. I know in my heart my mother is truely happy.

 

 I read your story and I also cried.  My mother was diagnosed with RA and Lupus in 1994.  Up until 2000, I helped my dad as much as I could.  I was in an abusive marriage and my husband forbade me to go and visit my parents.  In 2000, I finally got out of that relationship and moved back in with my parents.  From that day on, I helped my dad every single day.  I eventually met someone and we started a family.  He is such an amazing husband.  He never complained about me being at my parent's house at all hours.  In 2003, my mom contracted MRSA on top of what she already had.  She ended up having to get a port to be able to get her meds.  She had to get a radical mastectomy because her breasts were so large that the weight from them kept pulling the line out of the vein.  With all of the surgeries, she couldn't get any better.  One day in the hospital, the nurse noticed that the back of her neck was swolen and it was full of fluid.  When they drained the fluid from her neck, it took the pressure off of her veins and tissue and gave the Lupus a open spot to travel quickly to her brain.  Within three months, she had no idea who my dad and I were.  She would make comments like "How long have you been a nurse?  You look just like my daughter."  Through all of this, I kept a smile.  I knew that she had always been in God's hands.  When she took her last breath, my dad, sisters and I held hands and surrounded her.  We prayed and thanked God for her.  We thanked God for giving us the honor of taking care of her just as she had done us.  God answered our prayers that we had prayed for so long.  We asked that he touch her and heal her.  In the end, our paryers were answered.  My mom had the ultimate healing.  When you are confronted by suddenly being the caregiver to a parent, in that moment, you realize what an honor it is.
 
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chinchillac
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March 31, 2008, 5:32 pm PDT

I am so scared that I'm going to die before I get to do the things I want to do. My name is Chastity Morse and I'm in desperate need of a kidney transplant. The National Registry says I've got to wait another 5 years for a match, but dialysis isn't workin
 
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April 1, 2008, 12:46 pm PDT

When a Family Member Gets Sick

this is the first time i write in message board. I just wanted to say that it is hard to cope with sickness in the family specailly when it is not just one member>
 
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klrbae
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April 1, 2008, 1:44 pm PDT

MRSA

 I can understand what everyone on your show 04/01/08 is going through.  May of 2006 I got custody of my 15 month  old granddaughter, she was severly underweight and sick.  Took her to doctor after doctor for fevers and cysts on her arm, leg and then her entire right buttocks.  After what seem like to me consistant nagging why these sores were not going away.  We were going to be sent home and I said not until we find out why she is sick.  They did a culture here wound site admitted her into isolation "to protect her"  that is when she had MRSA all 3 sites.  It has been 15 months since then we have had to live differently and with caution.  Everytime she gets a cut or scratch we are worried.  But with a great set of Dr's at Children's Mercy we have had a good outcome.  We still continue to take precautions everyday.  My thoughts and prayers are with the families that are going through it now, be persistant with getting treatment and information.
 
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saudi_girl
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April 3, 2008, 11:39 am PDT

how mesirable life can be

Today I have decided to write about my life, and the reason for that is to take a step towards change. Last week was my first attempt for suicide whith overdose medication. Why I did that ? Its not just one thing,  Every part of my life is a mess. Actually,  my family and I can relate  to 90% of dr.phil's shows, ranging  from anorexia, bullying, dealing with sick members in the family, depession,......... you name it.

 

Every day I see my mother, father, and sister's health deteriorate infront of my eyes. We have tried to reach out for help by going to hospitals, but we have the worst heath system (in Saudi Arabia), and the worst doctors specially in my city "Taif". To Make the problem clear, I can say It is similar to racism that used to be in Amerca . If someone has a very high position in, what you can call, "the govenment" then he will get the best health care and best treatment. On the other hand, If  you are a hard working person, you will be treated like a "garbage" Every time we go to hospital, doctors treat us like we are lying. Imagine My father has ceribillum degenration and it took 10 years to be diagnosed. My mother, now is almost dying and when we took her to hospital we have been treated with lack of respect. They made us regret comeing to hospital.

 

I know they want me to think that it is my fault but I'm sure it is not. It's not my fault at all. Right now, I am full of anger towards my society and towards the people who tried to islolate me.  I have no sense of belonging..

 
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derevna33
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April 8, 2008, 7:36 am PDT

When a Family Member Gets Sick

Quote From: karen_e_b

My hubby was dx with SCLC in june of this year,he has recieved 9 chemo tx's and 35 radiation tx's the Dr is giving him a two week "vacation" from all tx's and they he will do a complete body scan on the 25th of this month to see if the cancer has spread.   

My hubby seemed to tolerate all the tx's well with minimal side effects. now a week after his tx he is very sick with radiation burns to his esophogus,he is not eating and barely taking fluids ,he says it hurts too much to swallow!!   

I sit here day after day and watch my once vibrant hubby detoriate to skin and bones and with bearly enough energy to make it to the bathroom,I don't know how much longer I can be strong,but I know I have to be strong for him or he'll give up and die!!   

Please pray for me to stay strong and that the scans show no signs of spreading.  

   

    

 

    Hang in there.  That's easy when it is "for better," and the difficulty begins now that it is "for--well, you know the rest of the phrase."  The awful part is accepting that prayer is not for bargaining with God.  If the cancer is spreading, no amount of prayer is going to change the outcome.     
 
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